Category Archives: Poetry and Songs

Poetry and songs. Funny and serious.

The Rain in Bahrain

The rain

in Bahrain

is insane

in the membrane.

It causes me pain

to see the rain

in Bahrain.

I fly in my plane

to the plains

of Maine

to escape the rain

in Bahrain.

The plains of Maine

are plain,

but they are not nearly as inane

as the rain

in Bahrain.

I’d like to go to Spain

to escape the rain

in Bahrain.

THE RAIN

IN BAHRAIN

DRIVES ME INSAAAAAAAAAANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stoner’s Delight

It starts as a seed,

That you plant in the ground.

It turns into weed,

Which you smoke from a bong.

 

It makes you feel strange,

Makes you fidgit and twitch.

It makes you happy and glad,

Makes you want more of it.

 

You spot your bag and you point,

You look at your friend and you say,

“I’ll light up a joint,

If you pass that my way.”

 

You lick and you fold,

You pack it in tight.

The joint has been rolled,

It’s a beautiful sight.

 

You hit that shit up.

Puff, Puff, the smoke flows.

You pass it this way,

As a smile is shone.

 

A startling sound,

Puts a frown on your face.

Not a knock, but a pound,

Your heart starts to race.

 

You creep to the door

And slowly take a peek.

Laughing, you fall to the floor,

For it’s only your friend, the Geek.

 

He’s small as a runt,

But has lungs made for three,

He’s the kid of Big Blunts,

And he’ll smoke em’ for free.

 

So you invite him on in,

And you give him a chair.

He sparks up a blunt,

Pulls a hit like a bear.

 

Now down from the attic,

Comes your pal, AL.

He’s got a bottle of plastic,

And it’s full of Vodka.

 

He’s come to pay rent,

And he only pays in Nuggs.

He lives in your basement,

There he sits and he chugs.

 

He walks in the room,

And stumbles a bit.

His words are all slurred,

You tell him to sit.

 

He plops on a chair,

And just sits for a while.

Runs his hands through his hair,

Then begins to smile.

 

He pulls out an “O”,

Of the number one shit.

Nuggs with a glow,

Time for a hit.

 

So you pack up the pipe,

And you give it a light.

It smells and tastes good.

It’s a stoner’s delight.

 

By the end of the night,

When you feel all burnt out,

Smoke one more bowl,

Then pass out on the couch.

The Ghetto Gremlin

For a gremlin like me pimpin’ ain’t easy

a life in the fruitbat g r -shEeezy

im a grem-pimp, money comes hard to even buy clothes

the closest I get to gremlin love is when im bangin my hoes

it’s a good thing cuz I dont even pay for those

they give me gremlin love, they give me gremlin blows

for a green man livin in tha cave life is ubsurd

I am holgin it down eat other animals dried turd

my gromeboys say turtle is good but I say bird

i spoke to him in gremluage and he was like word

put my ghetto prescription lenses on and fly in the sky

im a pimp by night so my gremgirls ride by

i go to the salon to get my sharp nails done

understand we can die if we go out in the sun

its over, this is the end of my rap

a legendary grempimp ill always be good at that!

Those People

She is different

She is scary

You are frightening

He is large

He is fat

You are humongous

She has pride

She is haughty

You are conceited

He has glasses

He has seeing problems

You are a four eyes

He likes beer

He drinks beer a lot

You are an alcoholic

She is thin

She is skinny

You are punny

He is smart

He is gifted

You are a nerd

She is strong

She is burly

Your are a man

He is average

He isn’t smart

You’re dumb

He likes to work

He works too much

You are a workaholic

I am….assertive

You are…outspoken

He is….agressive

My Uncle The Turd Chaser

He works in waste water and thinks it is cool

I ask him a question, “whats really in that pool?”

 

His nickname is “Turd Chaser” but he dont know it,

His wifes a ding-bat, but she dont “blow-it”.

 

He owns a hot tub, and thinks his poopie dont stink,

But I got news for him, I crapped in his kitchen sink!

 

I am so jealous cuz his tities are bigger than mine.

I really want to kick him in his behind!

 

Go chase your turds you you freak!

No body likes you but your big turds!

 

Eat your turds!!!

Eat your turds and Die!

 

Die from turditis!!!

 

Happy 40th Birthday!!!

Where? There!

Written in conjunction with miss lovable hyper lil mandy!

————————

where?

 

there!

 

there? why there? why not thar

 

cuz there is over there

 

but then there is over where?

but there

so where is there?

there is no there

but if there is no there

then are we nowhere?

 

sure

i’m a pumpkin

 

im a cat

 

i’m pumpkin pie

 

im a kitty pie

no wait!

cutie pie!

 

i’m poop

 

and im the digestive system!

 

ulcers ulcers, everywhere

Glenn’s Poem

Girls give table dances you just can’t miss

yet the hallways in the club stank like piss

Everyone wonders what the Rock is cooking

A fly flew into the pot when the Rock wasn’t looking

Mickey Mouse is gay and everyone chooses to kiss his butt

He’s been with Minnie for years and still ain’t bust a nut

You always see him with kids but, never condoms

and he has the nerve to call his place the “Magic Kingdom”

Kids flock to him only wanting fun

until he removed his head…It was Michael Jackson

The little kids ran away sad

MJ warned the kids when he said “I’m Bad”

Do you remember the time when we fell in love?

Now, you know why he only wears one glove.

Even though MJ seems kind…

Dont let him come up from behind!

I wouldn’t let him near a kid of mine

Should have know that man had troubles…

When he named his monkey…Bubbles

but MJ gets in the mood when he see’s his monkey, bubbles

thats when he goes to look for kids to play

and after looking all day

He gave me a check in which I deposit

I told what he really did in the Closet

He’s world famous and has trunks full of cash

yet, he spends his time chasing a little boy’s ass

neither can Bill when Monica is between his knees

I know Monica will never forget this….giving blowjobs in the Oral..err Oval Office