1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have sex.
4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #21192: Astronomy Notes
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the planetarium where we’re going to have another great day of astronomy notes. Looks to be a promising day as I see class hasn’t even started and a kid to my left, the teacher’s right, has already fallen asleep. OK, so class is now underway and his first issue of discussion is yelling at some kid for reading the BG News in class. Talk about taking the bull by the horns. Now we see him display information on the overhead. Personally, I see two things wrong with this. 1) It has words and number on it that no one in this class understands, and 2) The fricken print is about a size six font, it’s too small to even read! How are the students taking to this? Well, the one kid’s still asleep and another is playing games on his calculator. He’s obviously been in this class long enough to know how to pass the time. Kudos to you young man, kudos to you. Back to class at hand though. Let’s listen in with our in-class mic we have secretly attached to the professor. “Be glad you don’t live on Jupiter because if you did, you wouldn’t have a surface to live on, you would weight 2 1/2 times more than what you do here, and you would have about 25 more moons to memorize.”
Well that’s some good information. Obvious. But good. I tell you what, if I didn’t have a surface to stand on, I sure wouldn’t want to live there. Ah, now we see some information we can actually read. This has caught some of the students. One point for the teacher. I believe the students are still in the lead 3-1 however, due to the two kids sleeping and the calculator playing fellow. Well I’ve been part of some boring astronomy classes, but wow. Today’s is just bad. I see some desperate measures are being taken now by the professor as he has resorted to his slides, flipping from one to the next in a flee of unorganization. That’s going to be scored as minus one point for him. Bad form. During his search for the right slide, I believe I heard someone mutter a “Boring.” What a horrible display of teaching skills. And now he shows us a slide of a picture of a planet’s moon and shows his fascination with how it looks like the Death Star from Star Wars. I believe it is time to end this. This day of class has been ended prematurely due to the teachers own stupidity. I can’t even write anymore. I quit. Enjoy the rest of your day, folks. Your final score is…
Well, honestly, who cares?.
Joke #21191
Bud was telling his friend Chuck, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me $4000, it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered Chuck. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
Joke #21189
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says “dam!!”
Joke #21188
A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
Joke #21187
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, “no, the steaks are too high.”
Joke #21186
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
Joke #21185
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It’s either my mum or my dad… or maybe my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I’m pretty sure it’s Colin.
Joke #21184
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
“My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.”
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”
Joke #21183
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
Joke #21182
Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other, “I’ll man the guns, you drive.”
Joke #21181
Two cows standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” said Dolly.
“It’s true, no bull!”
Joke #21180
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
Joke #21179
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
Joke #21178
A man went over to his girl’s place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom — gold, silver, or bronze.
“Silver,” she said.
“Why not gold?”
“Because I want you to come second for once!”