Category Archives: (C) Misogyny Jokes

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18629

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In my job with a delivery company, I was getting phone directions to a customer’s home.

The woman very specifically said, “From the main road in the center of town go two lights. Look for the post office. Turn left onto the next street. Go 1.3 miles. Drive past one red hydrant and then take the next right. Go 50 yards. My driveway is the second on the right, and the number is on the mailbox.”

As I entered the information into the computer, I asked, “What color is your house?”

The woman paused a second and said, “Hold on. I’ll go check.”

Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes

Joke #18628

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Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project.

As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, “Oh, Mrs. Moore, I’m so happy to meet you.  I’m your husband’s new secretary.”

Within a single heart beat, my wife quietly intoned, “Oh, Really? WERE you?”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18626

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A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.

“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”

“What about your wife?” the friend asked. “What did you buy her?”

“A new lawn mower,” the golfer said.

Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes

Joke #18607

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A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

“All right children, let’s take another example,” she said. “If I were to get into a man’s pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?”

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, “You’d be his wife!”

(C) Sports Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18578

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At the UPS cargo phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, “I need a baseball quote.”

I immediately answered with Yogi Berra’s famous “It ain’t over ’til it’s over!”

There was a brief moment of silence before the woman asked, “What was that?”

“You asked me for a baseball quote,” I responded, “and that was the first thing that came into my head.”

“Oh,” she replied. “My husband told me to call and get a baseball quote.”

I asked if she wanted to ship something, and she said she did. Then it dawned on me: “Do you mean you want a ballpark figure?”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18571

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This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.

Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. “I can’t believe you’re aking me about supper right now! Imagine I’m out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself.”

So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.

The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, “You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?”

“Huh? I thought you were out of town.”

(C) Sports Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18532

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A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he’s driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, “Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?”

“Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I’m driving.”

“Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.”

Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes

Joke #18517

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Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy’s checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had spent a few hours trying to wrestle it into shape.

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs and figures, Cindy said proudly, “I’ve done it! I made it balance!”

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look. “Let’s see… mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00.” His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. “It says here ESP, $615. What the heck is that?”

“Oh,” she said, “That means, Error Some Place!”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18509

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Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of “Show and Tell” that day had been parents’ occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, “You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living.”

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.

When I asked why, the teacher explained, “Your daughter told the class she wasn’t sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels.”

Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes

Joke #18507

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My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project.

For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to fix. So I wasn’t surprised the day my other sister, Pam, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.

“I can’t get this thing to cooperate,” she explained when she saw us.

Pam suggested, “Why don’t you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawnmower?”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Religious Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18497

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A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.

The note read: “Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.”

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: “Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18495

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Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. “Honey,” my Dad finally said one day, “why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.'”

“It is,” she said. “I just don’t want you to forget that I’ve forgiven and forgotten.”

(C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes

Joke #18493

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The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”

“And, when was that?”

“When he asked for the second cup.”