DIVER: “Do you know why drowning sharks are left to die?”
LIFEGUARD: “Sure. Only a fool would give a shark mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.”
Category Archives: (F) Conversational Joke
Joke #12961
WRITER: “It’s an unfair world.”
BANKER: “What do you mean?”
WRITER: “Well, I can write a bad story and nobody will give a hoot. But if I write a bad check, I end up in jail.”
Joke #12959
LADY: “I need a birthday present for my husband.”
SALESMAN: “How about a hunting jacket or a smoking jacket?”
LADY: “No, my husband doesn’t hunt or smoke.”
SALESMAN: “Well, how about this? Don’t tell me you can turn down a bathrobe.”
Joke #12957
MAN #1: “Wow! What happened to you?”
MAN #2: “A husband beat me up for kissing his bride.”
MAN #1: “At the wedding?”
MAN #2: “No. Two years after it.”
Joke #12955
WAITER: “What will you have to drink?”
CUSTOMER: “I’ll have ginger ale.”
WAITER: “Pale?”
CUSTOMER: “Oh, no. Just a glass will do.”
Joke #12938
MAN: “Doctor, what’s the biggest problem you have in treating a patient with two broken hands?”
DOC: “Getting him to sign a check for my bill.”
Joke #12936
“Doctor, what do you do for a millionaire who is a hypochondriac?”
“Schedule him for a checkup every other day until he’s cured or broke.”
Joke #12931
OVERHEARD IN A LOCAL STORE: “I asked my doctor how I was, and he told me not to buy any long-playing records.”
Joke #12930
“Sir, we need a doctor’s excuse if you’ll be missing work today.”
“Okay. I won’t be in today because I’m playing golf.”
Joke #12927
A doctor finished his examination and said to his patient, “My advice is to stop drinking and smoking and get plenty of sleep. Also stop staying out all night. That’s the best thing for you.”
The patient gulped and replied, “To be honest, Doc, I don’t deserve the best. What is second best?”
Joke #12924
DOCTOR: “Miss Smith, contrary to what you seem to think, you do not get Hong Kong flu from eating contaminated Chow Mein.”
Joke #12923
DOCTOR: “How’s the woman who swallowed the spoon?”
NURSE: “She hasn’t stirred at all.”
Joke #12922
A dentist told his patient, “I’m sorry, but your eye tooth will have to come out.”
The patient yelled, “I’ll still be able to see, won’t I?”
Joke #12920
A man went to see his doctor. The doctor said to him, “Are you following my orders to only have one drink a day, Mr. Jones?”
Mr. Jones replied, “Yes, I am, Doctor. Right now I’m up to March 5, 1985.”
Joke #12918
DENTAL INSTRUCTOR: “Gentlemen, how much should you charge a patient for a toothache?”
DENTAL STUDENT: “Don’t be ridiculous, Professor. Who’d want to buy a toothache?”