A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
A nurse walks into a bank.
Preparing to endorse a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket and tries to write with it.
She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says,
“Well, that’s great. Just great. Some asshole’s got my pen.”
Q: How many women does it take to drive a car?
A: I don’t know. It’s never been done successfully.
Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothin’! You told her twice already!
Q: Why are men like parking spaces?
A: Because by the time you get there, the only ones that are left are handicap.
Ms. Boms’ Yearbook Rule – n. a rule that dictates how Ms. Boms is able to confiscate your yearbook. The rule is stated as follows:
“If out and open at an inappropriate time, I will confiscate the book and save it for you until the 19th of June.”
The 1-Time-A-Day Rule – n. a rule that dictates you can only do something one time a day. It is arbitrary and can be bent to the will of a superior to limit the freedoms of the peons they are supervising.
On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
– Two Italian men and one Italian woman
– Two French men and one French woman
– Two German men and one German woman
– Two Greek men and one Greek woman
– Two English men and one English woman
– Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
– Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
– Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
– Two Irish men and one Irish woman
– Two American men and one American woman
–
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a “ménage à trois.”
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they’re satisfied because the English aren’t having any fun.
The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut the fuck up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn’t they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this godforsaken deserted island in the middle of friggin’ nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping…
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap… and stay for breakfast.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. It was the best meal he ever had.
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”.
“No,” she replies… “You just happened to catch my eye.”
President Bush and Colin Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?”
The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.” So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”
Bush says, “We’re planning WW-III”. And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”
Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman.”
The guy exclaimed, “A bicycle repairman!!!, why kill a bicycle repairman?”
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”
Hello, I shortened the category list a little bit because the one that is packaged with WordPress was apparently bogging the site down severely. You should see a noticeable increase in the speed of the site now.
I don’t like that there aren’t post counts associated with certain sections, but I’ll try and figure out a way to re-implement them. Oh well.
I also moved some links from the right side to the left side, and changed up the sharing thing over there too.
I hearth back to Stormwind and see Jake talking in General Chat…
–
[1] [Jake]: and im gonna contest it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[1] [Sharlo]: gl with that
[1] [davepoobond]: contest?
[1] [davepoobond]: what do you win
[1] [Jake]: your mom
[1] [davepoobond]: sounds like a loser’s prize
[1] [Jake]: it is
[1] [davepoobond]: so what do you actually win
[1] [Jake]: don worry bout it
[1] [davepoobond]: who’s he
[1] [Jake]: you migh be one of the smartest people in wow
[1] [davepoobond]: wow, thank you. if it wasnt laced with an amazing amount of credulity i might just be appreciative
[1] [Jake]: shut up
[1] [Jake]: you are your child’s best role model
[1] [davepoobond]: im going to contest that statement Jake
[1] [Jake]: im going to contest you
[1] [davepoobond]: wow thank you, sounds fun
[1] [Jake]: are you trying to troll me or something? do you realize that’s a word?
[1] [davepoobond]: yeah you can make up words every day
[1] [Jake]: lol aright mang
[1] [davepoobond]: see you just did it again like 5 more times
[1] [Jake]: yeah
[1] [Jake]: i made up the word contest
[1] [davepoobond]: you’re cool bro, tell me more about how old you are! LOLOL
[1] [Jake]: im 45 fat balding
[1] [Jake]: and getting ready to blow my brains out
[1] [davepoobond]: lemme guess you walked to school in the snow and it was uphill
[1] [davepoobond]: you’re so old you listen to justin bieber lol
In World of Warcraft’s trade channel…
–
[2] [Duenun]: does anyone know if enhancement shamans suck now?
[2] [davepoobond]: all shamans suck
[2] [Rabidsquirel]: What’s your definition of suck?
[2] [Duenun]: really??
[2] [davepoobond]: when you get pleasure
[2] [Hanos]: ROFL
In the trade chat channel, in World of Warcraft, I was spouting:
“WTS [Fiery Warhorse’s Reins] mount RUN – 250g or best offer, pst! If it drops its yours! READ THIS BEFORE WHISPERING ME”
–
Slushie: So wait….you’re asking people to pay you 250g up front for the 1% chance at a mount drop that can easily be soloed by any 85?
davepoobond: yes
davepoobond: im glad you caught on
Slushie: Havent gotten any bites have you
davepoobond: yes, by people who can’t read
Slushie: yeah get used to that
davepoobond: no shit
davepoobond: i make my money solely on exploiting the retards in this game
davepoobond: it brightens my day knowing there’s someone of lesser intelligence than i
In the trade chat channel in World of Warcraft, I was spouting:
“WTS [Fiery Warhorse’s Reins] mount RUN – 250g or best offer, pst! If it drops its yours! READ THIS BEFORE WHISPERING ME”
–
Nightwoker: hm is it
Nightwoker: i mean lvl
davepoobond: what?
Nightwoker: nvm
Nightwoker: wrong person