LADY: “Sir, you have a filthy mouth!”
OLD MAN: “That’s impossible. My teeth spend every night in a glass of water.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #11975
People are always criticizing my looks. After I took out my last blind date, she went home and reported having a close encounter of the third kind.
Joke #11974
I’m so dumb. I just found out a Ukrainian is a person. I thought it was a bone in your neck.
Joke #11973
Sometimes I think of myself as a big bunion on the little toe of life.
Joke #11972
In high school, my teacher told me I’d never be anything when I grew up. Well, now that I’m finally grown up, I proved one thing — she was absolutely right!
Joke #11971
As a man, I’m a failure. Even before I was born, I was a failure. My parents wanted a girl.
Joke #11970
I wanted to get a job as a clerk-typist, but I didn’t know how to type clerks.
Joke #11969
The other morning, the garbage truck went past my house and I started chasing it down the street. “is it too late for garbage?” I shouted.
“No,” called the garbage man, “jump in!”
Joke #11968
Once I went out with a beautiful dental hygienist. Before she let me kiss her goodnight, she took Novocaine.
Joke #11967
I’m so clumsy that when I mix cocktails at a party, the drinks aren’t on the house — they’re on the carpet!
Joke #11966
Talk about luck! Other guys go to weight-lifting class and develop muscles. I went to weight-lifting class and developed a bad back.
Joke #11965
What a childhood I had! One Christmas, Santa left me a bag to wear over my head.
Joke #11964
Everybody picks on me. Last week the electric company shut off my lights at the request of my neighbors. They said I look better in the dark.
Joke #11963
I found out one thing about health spas by being a fitness instructor. They pay low-calorie salaries.
Joke #11962
People have been insulting my looks all my life. When I was little, I used to play cowboys and Indians, and the other kids made be the Lone Ranger so I’d wear a mask.