college bred – n. a four-year loaf made out of the old man’s dough. Talk about crust.
All posts by davepoobond
A Cool Nursery Rhyme
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
who sat down beside her
And said, “Plenty of cholesterol, I’d say.”
Jack and Jill Parody #12096: A Modern Nursery Rhyme
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
To fetch a pail
of water.
Jack fell down
and broke his crown,
And sued the farmer
and his daughter.
An Updated Poem
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet,
and expensive too.
School Classmates
You can tell a freshman,
by his slap-happy look.
You tell a sophomore,
because he carries a comic book.
You can tell a junior,
by his debonair and such.
You tell a senior,
but you can’t tell him much.
Short Poem Time
Hickory dickory dock,
The elephant ran up the clock.
The clock is being repaired.
Joke #12092
Two soldiers were in a local cafe one day when the first soldier said, “I feel like telling that jerk first sergeant where to go again.”
“What do you mean by again?” asked the other GI.
“I felt like it yesterday too.”
Joke #12091
SERGEANT: “Tell me, soldier, what is the first thing you do when cleaning a rifle?”
PRIVATE: “I take a look at the serial number.”
SERGEANT: “Why do you look at the number, meathead?”
PRIVATE: “To make darn sure I’m cleaning my own rifle.”
Joke #12090
A very wealthy young man was drafted into the Army. When he sat down to his first meal, he took one look at the food on his plate and asked, “Don’t I get any choice?”
The mess sergeant shouted, “Sure you do. Eat it or don’t eat it.”
Joke #12089
A kid was shining shoes when he took a look at a sailor’s size 16 shoes. He yelled to another shoeshine boy, “Hey, Bobby, come over and help me. I just got a Navy contract!”
Joke #12088
Every war makes a soldier change nearly all of his ideas, except his opinions of the officers.
Joke #12087
Did you hear about the dumb chef who joined the submarine service because he wanted to learn how to make sandwiches?
Joke #12086
An Air Force fighter pilot radioed the tower the following: “Pilot to tower. Plane on fire. Almost out of fuel and I’m over the ocean 75 miles out at 900 feet. Radio me instructions. What should I do?”
To which the tower replied: “Base to pilot. Repeat after me …. Our Father, who art in heaven ….”
Joke #12085
GENERAL: “Soldier, why didn’t you salute me? Do you know what this star on my shoulder means?”
ROOKIE: “Yep! It means you did good in school today.”
Joke #12084
REPORTER (to general): “What about this weapon you have? Can you tell us about it?”
GENERAL: “It’s the X-nine machine gun. it shoots a hundred rounds a minute, which is faster than my wife can talk.”