I thought I’d save a lot of money on heating fuel in the winter by having a fireplace installed in my house. Then I found out how much firewood costs.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12517
You can’t win today. To cut down on my electric bill, I started using candlelight at night. So what happened? …My house caught on fire and burned down.
Joke #12516
A person’s mouth can tell you a lot about his mind. A brilliant person is one who is smart enough to realize how little he really knows.
Joke #12515
A person’s mouth can tell you a lot about his mind. The slower a person thinks, the faster he talks, and the faster he thinks, the slower he talks.
You Know You’re Living In the Past If…
You know you’re living in the past if:
…You think children are to be seen and not heard.
…Detroit stopped making parts for your car ten years ago.
…The last time you went to the movies, they were still censoring people who kissed each other on the mouth.
…You think the most suggestive dance you ever saw is the Twist.
…You think the family car belongs to the parents.
…You think a picket line is a fence.
Joke #12512
Today, it’s not how much money you make that’s important — it’s how much credit you can get.
Joke #12511
The Lord created all men equal, but gave them different earning potentials.
Joke #12510
Here today, gone tomorrow. That’s the life story of my paycheck.
Joke #12509
These are modern times. Girls no longer marry men for money. They marry them for charge accounts.
Joke #12508
My creditors must think I’m a Congressman. They’re always sending me bills.
Joke #12507
It was so cold in the East last year that when cops yelled “Freeze” to fleeing muggers, if the guy stopped running — they did.
Joke #12506
These days, the only thing emptier than my savings account is my gas tank.
Joke #12505
You can’t win. As soon as somebody invented a good five-cent cigar, scientists discovered that smoking causes cancer.
Joke #12504
I waited in line at the filling station so long yesterday morning that by the time I got to the pumps, I had five o’clock shadow.
Joke #12503
The lines at the gas stations are so long that yesterday while waiting, I read the uncut version of War and Peace and finished it before I reached the pump.