Did you ever hear of Amoeba State Prison? It’s so small it only has one cell.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12994
Two old maids were talking and one asked the other, “What would you like most in a husband — intelligence, wealth or appearance?”
The other spinster quickly replied, “Appearance. And the sooner the better.”
Joke #12993
Q: Do you know how to crush an orange?
A: Tell it you don’t love it anymore.
Joke #12992
“I’ll bet you’re so dumb, you don’t even know that water always runs downhill.”
“You’re right. I didn’t even know it could walk.”
Joke #12991
Epitaph on a gentleman’s tombstone: “Pardon me for not rising when you came in.”
Joke #12990
Epitaph on a gossip tombstone: “Who cares if you talk about me! Everything you say goes right over my head now.”
Joke #12989
Q: What has the shortest life span in the world?
A: New Year’s resolutions. They’re born before midnight and dead and forgotten by the next day.
Joke #12988
A rumor is like a used car. To find out how far it will go, the first thing you have to do is get it started.
Joke #12987
TEX: “Down home, we brand our cattle!”
REX: “We’re so rich, we have ours monogrammed.”
Joke #12986
DOCTOR FRANKENSTEIN: “Tell me, Igor, where is the monster?”
IGOR: “He went to town to mail off 20 Father’s Day cards.”
Joke #12985
This has to be the nuttiest of nutty taxi driver stories. One day, a man jumps in his cab and shouts, “Quick! Follow that car.”
And the nutty taxi driver hops out of the cab and runs after the car.
Joke #12984
Did you hear about the near-sighted turtle who fell in love with an army helmet?
Joke #12983
A spaceship landed on the front lawn of a house on Long Island. A mouse stepped out and walked up to the front door and knocked. A man opened the door and the mouse said, “Take me to your liederkranz!”
Joke #12982
Q: How do you play Russian Roulette in India?
A: You play the flute with six cobras around you, and one of them is deaf.
Joke #12981
A lady in San Francisco was entertaining a friend when the telephone rang. She answered it, giggled shrilly, said, “Sure is!” and hung up. A moment later the phone rang again. And again she answered it, laughed even louder, and exclaimed, “Sure is!” and hung up.
The friend was puzzled. “What’s going on there?” she asked.
“Strangest thing,” explained the lady. “Some fool person on that phone called up just to say ‘Long distance from New York.’ So I said, ‘Sure is!’ and hung up!”