DENTIST: “Which tooth is bothering you?”
GANGSTER: “Find it yourself! I’m no stool pigeon!”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13009
CABBIE: “Where to, buddy?”
PASSENGER: “Drive off a cliff. I’m committing suicide!”
Joke #13008
CUSTOMER: “I’d like a robe to wear around my house.”
SALESMAN: “Fine, how big is your house?”
Joke #13007
HAROLD: “I just got a new dog for my wife.”
LOUIE: “Sounds like a real great trade.”
Joke #13006
“You’re in a terrible state,” the policeman said to the drunk.
“I don’t know about that,” answered the drunk. “New Jersey is no worse than any other place.”
Joke #13005
“I feed my dog garlic every day.”
“Why do you do that?”
“I want his bark to be worse than his bite.”
Joke #13004
Did you hear about the tourist who went to the desert for the first time? He fell down in a mirage and drowned because he couldn’t swim.
Joke #13003
Q: Why did the millionaire change his will?
A: He said he felt like getting some fresh heirs.
Joke #13002
Two scientists found that a male electric eel in a tank was able to communicate with them by means of electrical impulses. The eel’s very first message read, “Put a female eel in my tank.”
Naturally the scientists complied with his request. A few minutes later they got the male eel’s second message. It read, “Dummies! This girl is A.C. and I’m D.C.!”
Joke #13001
It’s always more blessed to give than to receive. Especially if you’re a professional boxer.
Joke #13000
VAGRANT: “If I knew how to make money, I wouldn’t be in jail.”
COUNTERFEITER: “I know how to make money. That’s why I’m in here.”
Joke #12999
AN OLD CIRCUS PROVERB: Never gamble with midgets. They always bet way over their heads.
Joke #12998
Q: What kind of cheese did Mary Queen of Scots eat?
A: Why, Loch Ness Meunster, of course.
Joke #12997
When a farmer returned home from a vacation in Hawaii, his neighbor asked him to describe what a hula dance was like. Naturally the farmer explained the exotic dance in his own simple way. “The dancers put a crop of hay in the front field,” he said, “and they put another crop of hay in the back field. Then when the music starts, they rotate the crops.”
Joke #12996
I learned a trade in the Army, but I haven’t seen many jobs in the papers for men qualified to lead guerrilla attacks.