You Know It’s Freezing Outside When…

America just made it through another snowy winter.  Last year record lows were established.  It was cold, but it could get worse.

You know it’s freezing outside when…

– your water bed turns into an ice cap.

– your false teeth chatter and they’re not even in your mouth.

– you run outside sobbing and your tears freeze.

– conservationists find “Big Foot” frozen to death.

– city workers can’t get the snow plows started.

 

Joke #12877

Two old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years met one day.

The first man asked, “How’s everything, Jimmy?”

His friend answered.  “Not so hot.  My wife ran off with a vacuum salesman.  My son was arrested for stealing cars, and my daughter is in the hospital with two broken legs. Besides that, I’m turning gray, my teeth have to be yanked out tomorrow, and my dog died yesterday.”

His friend shook his head and said, “Golly!  That’s very sad.  By the way, what business are you in, Jimmy?”

“I sell good luck charms!”

 

Your Blind Date is a Dud If…

If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds.  Your blind date is a dud if:

– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.

– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.

– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.

– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.

If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers.  Girls, your blind date is a loser if:

– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.

– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.

– He shows up driving a hearse.

– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.

– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.

– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.