Quote #22177: Not an Equal Opportunity Dater

** DO NOT EMAIL ME ..IM NOT INTO SPANISH , MEXICAN , OR BLACK GUYS!!! IM ONLY INTO WHITE GUYS!! YOU HEAR? SO SICK OF YOU GUYS EMAILING ME ASKING ME WHAT MY PROBLEM IS WITH NOT LIKING ANY OTHER TYPE OF GUYS THEN WHITE GUYS!! I DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO U . DO NOT EMAIL ME!!! Thanks***

– from a girl’s dating profile

 

Mi CuADERNo DE Espanol SPANiSH NoTEBooK

1) mi vocabulary
2) Mi Gramatic
3) mi tarea

2353
Discovered Room 102 unlocked told custodian earlier approximately

2300
That rooms 202, Bal-E, 211 unlocked. He secured Bal-E & 211. I tried to secure door but couldn’t. A key is required.

0000
Room 202 unlocked. Unable to scure. a key is required

0002
Room 206 unlocked. Can’t secure

0004
Room around corner from 206 through doorway across from mural unlocked I set off alarm after opening door

 

Quote #21095: “Spanish” Dialogue

Hawdrerw: “|Hola! Neceita catase?”

Custour: “Si, Quiero un moda nueva”

Hawdrerw: “Si, Quiere su pelo corto?”

Custour: “Si, no me gusta pelo largo”

HD: “Yo, Cumprendo”

C.: “Su da prlla, pur favur”

HD: “Pur que?”

C: “Purque neceito irse pronto”

DD: “Pur que?”

C: “Voy a sur cm retraso pum my fneita”

– written on a piece of paper by Chris the Priss.

 

Quote #21088: Spanish Dialogue

davepoobond: “ollah, Sra. Poopoo Cabeza!”

Sr. Poopoo Head: “No soy una Sra.! Tu eres tonto!”

davepoobond: “asi, asi! Tus estudiantes son tontos, no mi! puto!”

Sr. Poopoo Head: “puto! Puto! Tu eres el puto, puto!”

davepoobond: “whee!”

– written on a piece of paper for a school assignment, but wasn’t turned in.

 

Bullfighting

Bullfighting is a sexy sport, which is very popular in dog pound. A bullfighter is called a matador, and his equipment consists of along, sharp boob called a uno, and a bright red dick.  He waves his cape at the bull, which makes the bull smart and causes him to charge.  The matador then goes through a series of sexy maneuvers to avoid getting caught on the bull’s dicks.

If the matador kills the bull, the spectators yell, “Dos!” and throw their butts into the ring.  If the bull wins, they yell, “Have sex with me!” and call for another matador.  Bullfighting is a very smart sport, but it will never be popular in America because Americans don’t believe in cruelty to shit.

 

Joke #18530: Message From the Duke of Wellington

MESSAGE FROM THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON TO THE BRITISH FOREIGN OFFICE IN LONDON

Written from Central Spain, August 1812

Gentlemen, Whilst marching from Portugal to a position which commands the approach to Madrid and the French forces, my officers have been diligently complying with your requests which have been sent by H.M. ship from London to Lisbon and thence by dispatch to our headquarters.

We have enumerated our saddles, bridles, tents and tent poles, and all manner of sundry items for which His Majesty’s Government holds me accountable. I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and spleen of every officer. Each item and every farthing has been accounted for, with two regrettable exceptions for which I beg your indulgence.

Unfortunately the sum of one shilling and ninepence remains unaccounted for in one infantry battalion’s petty cash and there has been a hideous confusion as the number of jars of raspberry jam issued to one cavalry regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain. This reprehensible carelessness may be related to the pressure of circumstance, since we are war with France, a fact which may come as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.

This brings me to my present purpose, which is to request elucidation of my instructions from His Majesty’s Government so that I may better understand why I am dragging an army over these barren plains. I construe that perforce it must be one of two alternative duties, as given below. I shall pursue either one with the best of my ability, but I cannot do both:

1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the benefit of the accountants and copy-boys in London or perchance…

2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain.

Your most obedient servant,
Wellington