Joke #13285

A millionaire who’d been bad all of his life was nearing the end of his time on earth and wanted to wipe the slate clean.  To make amends for his evil ways, he donated a lot of money to a local church and had a meeting with the minister to discuss the possibility of getting into heaven.

Since the man had spent most of his life being evil, the minister couldn’t really assure him he’d get into heaven, but he didn’t want to disappoint the man and lose a big contributor.  Being diplomatic, the minister sized up the millionaire’s chances like this:

“Mr. Smith, when it comes to riding on the heavenly railroad, think of yourself as a standby passenger.”

 

Joke #12882

MILLIONAIRE: “Son, to make it in business you’ve got to live by two principles, honesty and wisdom.”

SON: “What do you mean by that, Dad?”

MILLIONAIRE: “Be honest in business.  If you promise to do something, keep your word even if you have to go bankrupt to do it.”

SON: “And what about wisdom?”

MILLIONAIRE: “That’s simple to explain, son.  Never make any promises.”

 

Joke #9178

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. “What’s wrong?” The depressed one replied, “I’ve been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away.”

The other lady asked, “What did they used to do?”

The depressed lady replied, “Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician.”

And the other said, “Oh, I see, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go…”

 

Joke #9144

Before going to Europe, a business man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown New York Bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.  The loan officer taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls Royce.” The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safe keeping and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later the man walked through the bank’s doors and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.  “That will be $5,000 in principal and $15.40 in interest?” the loan officer said.

The man wrote out a check for $5,000 and started to walk away.  “Wait Sir” the loan officer said, “while you were gone I found out you are a millionaire.  Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?”

The man smiled. “Where else can I park my Rolls Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40!”