risadoh – v. to carpet the floor with one dollar bills

Tags: floor, money, risadoh, verb

I hate you

You hate me

Let’s get together and slice barney

Into little square pieces

Then throw them out the door

Blood and guts scattered on the floor.

Tags: Barney, blood, door, floor, square

Tagged People: TheBarneyHatter

Q: Why is it so hard for goths to get work?

A: Because all they can do is mope the floors are depress the buttons.

Tags: button, floor, goth, mop

Tagged People: pokedmyeyeout

Parody of “Say You’ll Be There” by the Spice Girls.

-

Say you’ll grow hair…
Say you’ll grow hair…

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see
This I swear…

Last time, you had an evaluation
I decided that I’d fix your split ends…yeah
But now I just twist them up in circles
Tell me when this growing bald spot will end…

Now you – tell me that you’re using a glove
Well the Velcro it should work easily…
This time, you gotta rake it easy, gently part it-
There’s just too much lotion for me…
Any fool can see that it’s falling,
Gotta take this hair to the can…. (Yes I do, yeah)

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see,this I swear…
And… all that I want from you,
Is a wig or two, to be there… (Say you’ll grow hair!)

If you, glue 2 more hairs together
Then we’ll see – what this hair spray is for…
If you – can’t fight this bald invasion…
I’ll just make you sweep the hair off the floor.
There is no weave, too frayed or ugly
It would be better left on your head. (Yes it would, yeah)

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see… this I swear (Say you’ll grow hair!)
And… all that I want from you,
Is a wig or two, to be there. (Yeah, toupees too)

I’m getting a new hair piece
For this boy I see ,this I swear… (Say you’ll grow hair!)
And… all that I want from you,
Is a wig or two to be there.

Tags: floor, hair, toupee, wig

Tagged People: Birgitta, Spice Girls

Four-year-old Johnny was eating a hot dog when he dropped it on the floor.

He quickly picked it up and was about to take another bite when his mom said, “No, Johnny, you can’t eat that now it has germs.”

Johnny pondered the thought a moment and replied, “Jesus, germs, and Santa Claus – that’s all I ever hear about and I haven’t seen one of ‘em yet!”

Tags: floor, hot dog, Jesus, mother, Santa Claus

You know you’re a mom when…

- Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor — and you don’t care.

- When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding.

- You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

- Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

- Popsicle’s become a food staple.

- Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

- You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

- You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

- You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

- You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.

- You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

- You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

- Your kid throws up and you catch it.

- You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet… you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Tags: bathroom, blood, cereal, children, cupcake, floor, grape, hair, jelly, kitchen, laundry, marshmallow, mom, popsicle, telemarketer, telephone, television

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.”

I said, “You’ll be sorry.”

He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?”

I said, “Well, It’s not very absorbent and you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

Tags: face, floor, mop

“Better on the floor, than in my shoe”

- davepoobond

Tags: A DPB Tag, floor, shoe

Tagged People: davepoobond

“push the floor down”

- Mrs. Stickums

Tags: floor

Tagged People: Mrs. Stickums

“there’s a dead body on the floor!”

- from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school

Tags: floor, high school

Tagged People: davepoobond

“Your biceps on the floor”

- elmoisfurry

Tags: floor

Tagged People: elmoisfurry

“example: there’s a spider…”

::stomps on the floor::

“…ey, guess what, the spider is dead”

- Mr. P-yooson

Tags: floor, spider

Tagged People: Mr. P-yooson

A tenant was complaining to his landlord.  “My roof is leaking and the rain keeps coming through the broken window causing my floors to be flooded.  How long is this going to continue?”

The landlord shrugged.  “How should I know?  I’m not a weatherman!”

Tags: flood, floor, meteorologist, water, weather, window

Q: Why did the space creature eat through the rug?

A: He wanted to see the floor show.

Tags: alien, floor, rug

Q: How did the man with a metal pole stuck through his head feel after his brains started to ooze out on the floor?

A: He felt he was slipping.

Tags: brain, floor, head