Joke #18665

A church-going cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

The next morning a cow walked up carrying the Bible in it’s mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes!

He took the book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heaven-ward and exclaimed, “Praise God! It’s a miracle!”

“Not really….” said the cow. “Your name was written inside the cover.”

 

You Know You’re Getting Fat When…

Being a little overweight is okay.  But you know you’re really getting fat when…

– your son plays cowboys and asks if he can use your belt as a lasso.

– your refrigerator handle wears out from overuse

– the shocks in your car wear out twice as fast as other people’s shocks.

– you sit on a metal bar stool and it becomes a metal foot stool when you get up.

– you stand in a room all alone and feel crowded.

– you have to walk through doors sideways.

– you stand on a curb and your stomach blocks traffic.

– you have to use a mirror in order to see your shoes.

– you drop money and don’t bother to bend over and pick it up unless it’s more than a quarter.

– you go for a stroll and the sidewalk creaks.

 

John Hopoate (Brown Fingers)

The other year in Aussie Rugby it was Sydney Tigers vs the Cowboys. John Hopoate in the Sydney Tigers tackles one of the footballers in the Cowboys and sticks his fingers right up his date! 😀 And it was caught LIVE on TV :cheesy: 😀 :cheesy:!!! And also made the papers too, front cover big picture of Hopoate with his fingers right up that poor bloke’s date! Hopoate has been known for datefingering other footballers before, and as a result of this incident got 12 months suspension hehehe :grin:!!! Hopoate is now known as either ‘brown fingers’ or ‘date fingers’!

Anyhow here’s a bunch of Hopoate jokes that are from a google group, these ain’t mine:

Shame about being sacked, Hopoate could have rectum.

As much as things change they stay the same: Hopoate was in the shit, then he was caught, and now he’s still in the shit.

If the police get involved, Hopoate could end up in the pokey.

Now that he’s out of the game, Hopoate is desperate and dateless.

Now that he has been sacked, it is rumoured that Hopoate is about to follow Mundine ringside.

John Hopoate has been nominated for an Oscar for his lead role in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger”.

Anagram of Hopoate: Poo Hate!

Rugby league may be a Stone Age game, but it was first to enter the digital age.

John Hopoate has changed his name. He is now known as John Hand-to-party.

Hopoate has changed his name to Stop-a-farte.

Q: Which finger did he use?

A: His ring finger.

Q: How do the judiciary decide on this punishment?

A: Is there a ‘rule of thumb’?

What’s the problem? He was only keeping up to date with his opponents.

Did you hear, with Hopoate the Tigers have gone digital?

The coach claimed the charge was a bum rap! Hopoate’s actions were merely a niggle!

Headline: Police Wash Hands of Hopoate Antics!

Let’s hope he doesn’t bite his fingernails.

A view from a fan: this leaves a foul taste in my mouth.

Hopoate’s defense: it was only a brown eye gouge.

Hopoate’s defense: they were giving me cheek.

Hopoate’s defense: Honest, he was just lying prostate on the ground.

Hopoate’s defense: I saw an opening and went for it.

Hopoate’s defense: The coach told me to penetrate their defenses.

Hopoate’s defense: Its just the old one hand tackle.

He must be getting married. I heard Hopoate was checking out some rings on Saturday night.

Hopoate: the human thermometer.

Q: What’s John Hopoate’s favourite biscuits?

A: Chocolate fingers.

Q: What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a north Queensland cowboy?

A: You can stick 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q: What’s Hoppa’s favourite cake?

A: A Finger Bun.

“I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is being fingered for a crime he did not commit”. Coach Lamb.

I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the footy show called Hoppa’s Up-date

What’s the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out

John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1

Headline: Hoppa “piles” on the tries.

“Players don’t report cases like Hopoate’s because they’d be the butt of all jokes” – Roy Masters (former West’s Coach)

Is the whole thing a three-ring circus?

A chance for Channel 9’s The Footy Show to make something of its “player probe”?

Hopoate to have a cameo role in the digitally enhanced versions of The Lord Of The Rings and Finger of Guilt.

How come Field and McGuinness got six months for cocaine but Hopoate only got 12 weeks for crack?

Do The Hopoate
==============
You put your left thumb in
You pull your left thumb out
You put your left thumb in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hopoate and you turn the game around
And that’s what it’s all about.

The John Hopoate Virus: your computer will insert random digits – often where they are quite unwanted

Perhaps something good will come out of Hopoate’s poking about.

Did you hear the league is going to crack down on Hopoate.

Q: What did the other player sing when John Hopoate stuck his finger up his bum?

A: “Baby you are the one you really turn me on you can stick your finger up my hole again”

Q: What is John Hopoate’s biscuit?

A: Shrewsbury, because of the hole in the middle.

Q: What does Hopoate like doing at a game?

A: Picking player of the match.

Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony.

Stuck a finger up his arse

and said “I am John Hopoate”

John Hopoate is the butt of everybody’s jokes.

After John Hopoate was suspended Manly offered him a job at the clubhouse. He was to go around the bar pushing in stools.

 

Joke #5250: Flippin’ Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, ‘No pets allowed.’

 

The man replies, ‘This is a special dog. Turn on the Cowboys game and you’ll see.’

 

The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turns on the game.

 

The guy says, ‘Watch. Whenever the Cowboys score, my dog does flips.’The Cowboys keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

 

‘Wow! That’s one hekuva dog you got there! What happens when the Cowboys score a touchdown?’

 

The man replies, ‘I don’t know. I’ve only had him for 2 years.’