In the Future

In the future, I will marry a girl.

My uncle Louie brought the food, but we didn’t have an uncle Louie.

Everyone dances because the wedding will be very dumb.

The photographer took pictures of the cake.

The old people said their weddings were better.  I shot them with tranquilizers, and that was that.

 

ABBO

Found this link today:

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=14623.0

Thought it was hilarious that they were quoting and linking to one of the very old posts on the Squackle Bulletin Board during 2007.  I don’t have those forums operational or even accessible anymore, but here’s a few choice quotes about Squackle itself from the above link.

Here’s the story behind it  – http://www.squackle.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=submit;action=display;num=1157705918  

Fuck me I laughed when I saw it…..

I think the golden rule is, if you see something on a place called Squackle that claims to be ‘THE FUNNIEST WEBSITE ON THE NET’, it’s probably not a good idea to post it on CaB. Especially, y’know, when it’s lazily slapped together bigoted shit. I don’t think even Kevin Bloody Wilson performs material that bad any more.

Expect it to appear on Squackle before elevenses.

Luckily, a new user to Squackle has voiced my thoughts for me on the site:

Quote from: “Cake”

WHAT A BUNCH OF UTTER RACIST CUNTS.

As far as I’m concerned, the quality (or lack thereof) of the mong is immaterial.  Abbo is a purely pejorative term and is going to stick in my (and most folks) craw as much as any of the equivalents.  Sorry, Sadness, linking to a thread where people are laughing at them for looking like monkeys isn’t much of a get-out.

A great reply:

Quote

Fuck you! Come here to crit the site, the owner of this site is cool this site is cool and the people who post here are cool. Where is your ultra cool site douchebag? If ya don’t like it then why are ya here?

Nobody tell him…

Quote

Srry dave but my cuz is black I hang with him every weekend and I got this fuck talkin about me being a racist.

If he’s not a racist, why does he only hang with him at weekends?!?  Eh?!  Eh?!

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Well fuck you go home and eat yourself cake! It’s fucking humor cock face!

“It’s only a bit of fun!!!”

Quote

Luckily, a new user to Squackle has voiced my thoughts for me on the site:

That is me.  I joined as soon as i could and put a few posts down around the forum. UNfortunately i told them that the site had no talent compared to B3ta or here.

 

WoW Chat #22143

In Trade Chat…

Neckslicerr: how do u get a girl thats really pretty to like u

davepoobond: go after her legs like the cake you ate

Neckslicerr: ?

Neckslicerr: wow really

Neckslicerr: your funny

davepoobond: i wanna let you know that i am ready to go

Neckslicerr: your fat.

davepoobond: i come around when you least expect me, when your glass is empty

 

Oopsy Daisy!

Little Daisy is trying to make her first cake. What a cute adventure into womanhood! But sadness sweeps over her as she realizes she left out everything but the eggs and the icing. Her eyes start to rain down big salty tears, because her cake is no good. She’s just about to run to her room when a warm, calming hand touches her shoulder.

“Grandpa!” she yelps, surprised, trying to hide her tears. “Now, now, no need to cover your face, I know you’re ugly.” Grandpa says jokingly. This didn’t seem to help the situation at all, as she starts to cry louder. “Stop the water works now, my little princess. Let me tell you a little something. Sit down here.” Grandpa pulls out a chair for Daisy and she sits down. He thinks of trying another ugly joke, but is afraid she’ll start crying again.

“A long time ago, I was a little girl just like you,” Grandpa says. “Really?” Daisy asks, no longer crying. “Yes,” Grandpa continues, “You should’ve seen my room, it was beautiful. I had Marilyn Monroe wallpaper, an Elvis bedspread, a Dick Clark record player, and a Steve Carell make-up case.” “Wow!” Daisy exclaims. “You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie!” Grandpa replies.

“I remember one time, when I was about your age, I got into my parents’ special cabinet. That’s what led to your grampy’s eventual incarceration, but that’s a different story. Anyway, my father, your great grandpa, caught me. That’s when he brought out his most expensive belt, which he called the ‘Cat of Ninetails from Hell.’ He laid a beating on me that went on for hours. He carved me up like a Halloween jackolantern.” Grandpa chuckles.

“That’s terrible!” Daisy shouts. “I thought so, too.” Grandpa says. “But looking back, he was only doing it to show he loves me, so I’ll always treasure it.” “I want treasure!” Daisy responded. “Well shiver me timbers then, matey!” Grandpa says in a gruff tone. ‘Set sail for beatdown! Go get your grampy’s 2×4, the one with the nails. Do you have your tetanus shot?” “What’s tetanus?” Daisy asks. “Good!” Shouts Grandpa with a smile.

The high pitched squeals fill the house for the next two days. Daisy will always remember the cake accident. But she will know, in her mind and in her heart, that Grandpa almost killed her with a board to show her how much he loves her.