JUDGE: “Why do you rob banks?”
CROOK: “Well, Your Honor, that’s where the money is.”
WIFE TO BANK CLERK: “I want to make a withdrawal from my husband’s half of our joint account.”
HUSBAND: “My wife is into jogging. Every morning she runs down to the bank to make a withdrawal.”
One night a banking tycoon fell overboard form his yacht.
He was saved because he could float a loan.
If I were a turtle, the bank would probably repossess my shell.
Bank teller to man at his window in bank: “I’m sorry, Mr. Page, but your wife beat you to the draw.”
“I have a magic savings account at the bank.”
“What do you mean?”
“My wife makes money disappear from it.”
The gas shortage is certainly affecting crime. Yesterday two hoods robbed a bank of $50,000 and escaped on bicycles.
Did you hear about the dumb bank robber who got caught when he stopped after the job to ask a traffic cop for directions to the highway?
One day there was a Jackal. Was. He got hit by a car. But he wasn’t always road kill. He was a successful banker, a branch manager for a multinational bank that was established in hundreds of forests throughout the land.
That was until the Fox came by to store his pecan nuts. That asshole Fox wasn’t even a customer and he was trying to make them store pecans without even a proper account.
So, the fox went over the Jackal’s head, and got the Jackal fired. How did he know the Fox was a famous movie star, he doesn’t even own a TV. Then the Jackal was pushed in front of a car by his ex-boss’ bodyguards.
Moral of the story: Get a TV.
MAN (to bank teller): “I’d like to borrow some money.”
TELLER: “I’m sorry, but the loan arranger is out.”
MAN: “That’s okay. Let me talk to Tonto.”
Q: What do you get when you cross a careless guillotine operator with a bank robber?
A: A one-armed bandit.
Q: How come the Buffalo Bills went to the bank?
A: To get their quarter back.
I was at my bank to make a deposit when the clerk behind the counter turned to the computer for information. As she touched a button, a small part suddenly flew off the machine.
All sorts of odd symbols started flashing across the screen.
I heard her gasp, and then she turned to me in wide-eyed wonder and exclaimed, “It’s swearing at me!”