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Joke #21640

July 15th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

A lady walks into a welfare office and the guy at the desk asks her how many kids she has.

She says, “23, and they’re all named Billy.”

The clerk says, “Why would you do a stupid thing like that?”

She says, “So if I wanna call them all at one time, all I have to do is say Billy.”

The clerk asks, “But what if you only wanna call one?”

The lady replies, “Easy, I call them by their last name.”

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Joke #21206: Soy Toy

April 27th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, (C) Sexual Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:

“Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.”

“When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.

The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife.

“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”

“Oh that, ” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!”

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Joke #21201: Four Secrets to a Happy Marriage (From a Man’s Perspective)

April 27th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misandry Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman who loves to have sex.

4. It is very important that these three women never meet!!

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Joke #21176

April 24th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

Q: How many women does it take to drive a car?

A: I don’t know. It’s never been done successfully.

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Joke #21175

April 24th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

A: Nothin’! You told her twice already!

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Joke #21169

April 24th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
- Two Italian men and one Italian woman
- Two French men and one French woman
- Two German men and one German woman
- Two Greek men and one Greek woman
- Two English men and one English woman
- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
- Two Irish men and one Irish woman
- Two American men and one American woman

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One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a “ménage à trois.”

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, liquor store, restaurant and laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they’re satisfied because the English aren’t having any fun.

The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut the fuck up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn’t they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get them all rescued off this godforsaken deserted island in the middle of friggin’ nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping…

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Joke #21017: Tee For 2

April 3rd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misandry Jokes, (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

A man is having an affair with his wife and decides to stay round his new found lovers house for the night.  They decide to have an all nighter.

In the morning the lover decides to ask the man how is he going to explain his absence.  He tells her to go outside and rub his shoes on the grass.  The woman does it, but is confused.

When he goes back to his own house, the wife asks “Where have you been?”

The man replies “I’m sorry but I’m having an affair with you.”

The woman looks down at his shoes and says, “You liar, you’ve been out playing golf all night!”

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Joke #20941

March 30th, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, (F) Quicky Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

Q: What sounds better the more you beat it?

A: My wife, cause she shuts the fuck up.

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Joke #18748

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, (C) Offensive Jokes, (F) Quicky Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

Q: Why does the bride always wear white?

A: Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

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Joke #18745

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.

“You know,” said Melba, “today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don’t use the word ‘obey’ anymore.”

“Too bad, isn’t it?” retorted Ken. “It used to lend a little humor to the occasion.”

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Joke #18744

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.

“Next question,” announced the instructor. “How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?”

I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, “How do you spell ‘intellectual?’”

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Joke #18743

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

On a visit to my wife’s native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London’s Gatwick Airport.

Tania headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners’ line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit.

“Pleasure,” I replied. “I’m on my honeymoon.”

The officer looked first to one side of me, then the other.  “That’s very interesting, sir,” he said as he stamped my passport. “Most men bring their wives with them.”

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Joke #18722

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won’t understand what we’re saying. I didn’t realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.

An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, “Boy is she r-u-d-e!”

“Yeah,” he replied, “but I’ll bet she can s-p-e-l-l.”

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Joke #18716

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

A woman was out driving with her husband. She was speeding along about fifty when a motorcycle cop appeared alongside and indicated for her to pull over.

The cop looked at her and said, “Hmmm…I’m going to put you down for fifty-five.”

She turned to her husband. “See! I told you this hat makes me look old.”

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Joke #18710

February 22nd, 2011 Posted in (C) Misogyny Jokes, Jokes No Comments »

A young college girl came running in tears to her father. “Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!” she cried.

“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.

“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”

“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the world,” he said. “Surely there must be some mistake.”

“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”

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