Squackle.com! The Funniest Site on the Net

Its true.  7 random questions somehow answered it.

Quiz by Onlinedating.org
Quiz brought to you by Online Dating

Tags: davepoobond, women

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The worst Ralphs in the world appears to be within the same vicinity as the worst Burger King in the world.  Same people must own them, or something.

So when I went to Ralphs to find some eye contact solution, I couldn’t find any cause I needed some that had Saline in it.  Apparently most eye contact solution does not have saline in it for whatever reason.  I don’t use it, I just had to get it for someone.

So I had to ask a lady about it, and she said “top of the shelf aisle 7.”  I told her I already looked and that I couldn’t find any.  She said “oh, then that’s all we have then.  SORRRYYYYY.”  She didn’t try and help me look or anything.  Would have been nice customer service to do so, don’t you think?  That’s what I do at my job every time someone is looking for something.  I actually help them!

By some miracle I actually did find what I was looking for, because only after I ask people for help do I find what I’m looking for.

So I grabbed what I went there for, and went into the “Express Lane.”  There were 2 lanes open at the time.  And the Express Lane had like 15 people in it.  Ok, whatever.

Some old black lady stood behind me for like two seconds.  I didn’t notice until later that she wasn’t behind me anymore, and already a line of like 5 more people was behind me.

All of a sudden the black lady comes back and cuts everyone.  The person that was behind me asked “excuse me, ma’am, are you in line?”

The black lady said “I am, I am behind him” and she touches my shirt sleeve.

I was about to say “Lady, you can’t leave the line and then come back in where you left,” but I just said “Umm…I don’t remember you behind me.”  How can someone expect me to remember who was behind me in a line at a supermarket?

So the black lady doesn’t even move, she just stays there and crowds my ass, giving me barely any room to move around, because the pussies that were behind me let her stay in line and cut everyone behind them too.

So I had a crazy old black woman buying some frozen chicken and two little red peppers behind me, and some weird black dude with a weird hat you’d see some Prime Minister of an African nation wear on their head when they’re not killing peasants.  He also had a gold cane, and was buying two packs of Lipton white ice tea.

When the cashier rang up the ice teas for the guy, the fucking things were supposedly on sale, but the computer wasn’t reflecting that.  So I had to wait like what seemed like ten minutes for them to figure out the whole deal.  And it really wasn’t that complicated to figure out, it was just taking them a long time to do.  Sad thing is, the cashier was an “assistant manager” as dictated on her name tag.  Pathetic.

During the wait, the crazy black woman that cut everyone in line started complaining, muttering things under her breath while she was three inches away from my face.

Instead of actually figuring out how the iced tea should be discounted, the assistant manager just punched in some “customer satisfaction” non merchandise code and gave the dude six bucks, three dollars off for each of the iced tea things.  How nice of them.

Now where’s my customer satisfaction payoff?  Some Ralphs executive is probably wiping his ass with it and flushing it down the toilet.

Tags: grocery store, Ralphs, The DPB Tag

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Just went to Burger King, and it was the worst one I’ve ever been to.

I got the chicken fries meal, and it was pretty much all room temperature — aren’t you supposed to fry this stuff?

Not only that, I coulda sworn that the fries were fried using spit, not oil.  I got a bunch of crappy pieces of chicken instead of actual chicken fries — it seemed like they gave me like 13 or some weird number.  I only asked for a 9 piece meal…

Assholes.

Tags: Burger King, chicken, food, The DPB Tag

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Americans have a tendency to shift the “blame” of something on to something else.

Examples:

- “Homosexuality is biological. Its not my fault I’m gay! It’s the way I was born!”

- “It wasnt my fault I killed my friend, that movie/video game/tv show/song made me do it!”

- “I don’t know where my child learned how to shoot his teachers. It must have been those video games, not me beating my child or my horrible parenting skills!”

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It doesn’t stop there, either. Global warming — its the corporations fault that they aren’t building better cars! Not ours!

Typically when you are “blamed” for something, in American society, you never want to take that blame — it HAS to be something else. and that is typically the social institution, genetics, or big corporations.

In more particular with homosexuality, there is a large part of the community that seems to want to pass their sexual preference off as basic to the genetic level. They were built that way — not socialized or events in their life that make their brains wire differently in that department after the fact. I personally find it a bunch of horse shit, and its just a way to shift the “blame” onto something else that is out of their “control.”

The only reason its gaining any steam is because there is still a stigma against gay/lesbian people, that that community seems to want to find themselves a scapegoat. They can’t blame society since not everyone is a gay/lesbian. They can’t blame corporations, since they’re too busy trying to make money, not caring that individual people with individual lives/circumstances actually exist. So it has to be genetics! Great! That’s an easy target, since NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THAT SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Tags: corporations, genetics, money, scapegoat, sexual preference, social institution, United States, video games

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So I was driving to my internship and finding a place to park earlier today, and I see this dude wearing only his boxers and a weird teal shirt that was showing entirely too much shoulder and weird moccasin-type footwear.

To my displeasure, the man’s ass crack began to show, like half of his ass.  I thought to myself, "this could not be any worse."  But it did.  As I was parking (he was right by where I was parking), he bends down and picks something up.  I tried to look away, but I was forced to have him in my peripheral vision since I was still driving.

DISGUSTING.

Tags: ass, butt, man

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May 19, 2008 – http://www.gamersmark.com/articles/313

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Citing a gross misrepresentation on the stability of streetlights in Grand Theft Auto IV, the Furiously Angered Civil Engineers Union (FACEU) has held a press event in the Civil Engineering capital of the world, the GameStop on Foothill Avenue in Arcadia, California.

Don Southerby, Chairman of the FACEU, said in his opening statement that his organization feels that Grand Theft Auto IV is an insult to Civil Engineers everywhere and should be pulled off its shelves, not for its varied measures of allegedly extreme violence sprinkled throughout the game, but for its “sickening misuse of Civil Engineer equipment, such as barrels full of water, orange cones, off-colored barricades, and traffic laws.” Afraid that since only children play the game, not people that drive cars, they will think that it is normal to drive like maniacs endangering all around them.

What Don Southerby was really steamed about, however, was the fact that “streetlights are depicted as frail poles swaying in the wind that a car can simply sweep off its feet and be disconnected from the power grid with little to no damage to the car. In the real world, streetlights are powerful and a car can not simply run through it. Streetlights are built stronger than trees, yet not a tree in Grand Theft Auto IV can be run down!”

Don Southerby continued, “Do you know how many streetlights prevent drunk drivers from continuing their drunken rampage? A LOT. We owe a lot to streetlights in this country and without them the world would be a cold, dark place 12 hours out of the day. Not only that, but Grand Theft Auto IV does not punish players for not following traffic laws. Traffic laws are handcrafted by painstaking research of traffic patterns at each and every stoplight out there. Running red lights in this game does not show the respect to all those Civil Engineers who risk their livelihood everyday out on the streets.”

The FACEU’s Environmental sects have also railed Rockstar Games, maker of Grand Theft Auto IV, for misrepresenting trees and grass in the game. “Trees and grass do not look like that,” said one of the supporters at the FACEU press event.

After the rally had taken its course, many attendees bought copies of GTAIV, commenting that they were “planning on burning it later where the fire would not threaten any street signs or road pavement.”

Don Southerby closed the rally, with the following comments, “FACEU will not support any game that gives you high scores for destroying streetlights and Civil Engineering equipment. These vital parts of society are here for a reason and not meant to frivolously be obliterated by people who do not follow traffic laws.”

Tags: civil engineer, GamersMark, The DPB Tag, This Is Satire, video game

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Developer/Publisher: Capcom

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May 28, 2008 – http://www.gamersmark.com/reviews/view/1263

Overall: 9.0/10

Gameplay 8.0

Presentation 8.0

Value 9.5

Graphics 8.5

Sound 8.5

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The Devil May Cry series has been one of the more talked about games recently with the release of Devil May Cry 4, all with the exclusivity to Sony platform being thrown up into the air – but back in the day where none of that mattered, there was a game called Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition for the PS2. The Special Edition is the refining of the original game, Devil May Cry 3: Dante’s Awakening, and includes a bunch more goodies that the first version didn’t have, as well as a shuffling around of the difficulty modes. Usually action games peak out around ten or fifteen hours, but it’s easy to spend at least twice that with Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition.

Put simply, Devil May Cry 3 is an action game with horror and gothic elements. It’s not exactly scary, but the game goes back to its roots after Devil May Cry 2’s “offensive” locale. Not only that, but there is an actual story that you can comprehend, unlike any of the other games in the series up to this point. Though the story is actually worth its weight in words this time around, the main appeal comes from the gameplay itself, and it speaks volumes. Unlike most games, Normal mode isn’t for the faint of heart, and even that is considered “easy” by the original version of Devil May Cry 3’s standards.

The Devil May Cry series doesn’t have a combo system utilizing different buttons like in God of War. There is one button to use your melee weapon (typically a sword), one button for your guns, and one button for a special move. Used appropriately, you can string together all the different types of attacks to lay some serious hurt on the demons and rack up some impressive combos. Unlike Devil May Cry 2, you’ll have to hit the square button over and over if you want to shoot Dante’s guns (in Devil May Cry 2, you could just hold it down and it’d fire). As far as Dante’s pistols go, the faster you hit the square button, the faster he’ll shoot them. As you get different weapons, they all have their own firing rates, so clicking the button as fast as you are able to does not help you all the time. Melee weapons follow a bit different logic, however. A melee weapon has two or three different combos that rely on the timing of your button pushes. This can change a little from weapon to weapon, but it’s basically the same execution. In total, there are five guns and five melee weapons for Dante to acquire through the game.

The circle button comes into play when you want to use one of Dante’s Styles. The basic styles are Trickster, Swordmaster, Gunslinger, and Royalguard. Trickster allows you to make use of dashing and running up walls, which I found to be practically useless. Trickster is a hold-over from the circle-button command from Devil May Cry 2, but Devil May Cry 2’s execution in that regard was leagues better. Swordmaster is a bit more useful, and allows you to do some cool stuff with your sword (like throw it) once it levels up. Gunslinger is the one I used the most, and allows you to do quite a few things, like shoot your guns faster, charge them, and target two targets at the same time. Not to mention spin in the air like a tornado while shooting your gun! Gunslinger is by far the coolest of all the styles. Royalguard is kinda boring and only blocks. If you block enough, you charge up some power and can release it onto an enemy to kill them. It’s sort of ineffective at times, because you’ll still get damaged, and it’s not really smart to take damage since it’s very hard to find something that heals you. Other styles are acquired as the game goes on, but for about 80 percent of the game you’ll be stuck with those four. The more advanced styles you gain later on don’t allow you to level up at all.

The graphics are pretty nice for a PS2 game, but do sort of show their age as we get further into the current generation of consoles. The voice acting is not terrible at all, so that is something to be thankful for. The sound effects are good, but the music is where the game lacks. Every time you’re near an enemy, a cheesy battle score with horrible lyrics starts playing. I hated the song by the end of the game and tried to just ignore it, unfortunately to no avail. It would have been nice if they didn’t have such a horrible song, but what can you do? The story is good, and really the first competent piece of writing the series has shown after the first two games.

Overall, the game is very hard, even at the Normal difficulty. The easy difficulty allows for less experienced action gamers (or people who just suck at games) to get into the game to actually beat it and *gasp* enjoy it. Even hardcore gamers will probably at least take a pass through all modes of play the game has to offer, as it’ll add towards fully completing the game in every facet. Once you finish the game, a new gameplay mode called Bloody Palace will be accessible, not to mention being able to play as Dante’s brother Vergil in a new game. There’s plenty of stuff to unlock, so you’ll be playing the full game quite a few times, although it’ll be easier after the first time since you’ll know how to figure out all the puzzles.

Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition is a good game to play if you’re into action games. Since it has been out for a while now, you’ll be able to find it at a very cheap price. The Devil May Cry box set includes all three of the PS2 games in the series, and it’s a good value. Regardless of your feelings toward the second game, you’ll get a loaded action game in Devil May Cry 3: Special Edition.

Tags: Capcom, game review, GamersMark, PlayStation 2, The DPB Tag

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Developer/Publisher: Capcom

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May 7, 2008 – http://www.gamersmark.com/reviews/view/1252

Overall: 8.0/10

Gameplay 8.0

Presentation 8.0

Value 8.0

Graphics 8.0

Sound 8.0

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Devil May Cry 2 has somehow achieved the reputation of being the worst game in the Devil May Cry series, and there is no one out there who would recommend playing the game after the third and fourth games came out. Most people just say skip it. I’m here to tell you otherwise — Devil May Cry 2 is not that bad of a game. Sure, it might have a few flaws, but Devil May Cry 2 is a superior game to the first Devil May Cry in practically every way except the location.

The original Devil May Cry started out as a Resident Evil game, as most people know. It’s probably safe to assume that Devil May Cry 2 started out as some other game that was transformed into a Devil May Cry game with Dante slapped into it. That may or may not be the case, but it’s probably better for it, since I didn’t really enjoy the first Devil May Cry game as much as some people. The only thing the first Devil May Cry still has going for it is level design. In the first game Dante talked — not so much in the second one. But it’s a blessing when compared to the end of the first game where Dante becomes a prissy pony (read: not a badass).

Devil May Cry 2 didn’t have that great of a story, or anything that even resembles a story to tell you the truth, but I found that the gameplay was tremendously improved from the first game. Dante’s guns are Automatic, similar to the first game’s Easy Automatic. Unlike the first, it doesn’t feel like a machine gun and the animation is a lot smoother. Dante can now run up walls, and also dodge while pressing the Circle button. Out of the first three games, dodging has been executed optimally in Devil May Cry 2.

As far as the actual game goes, there are plenty of missions — a little more than 20. Not only that, but you can play as a second character right off the bat, named Lucia, who basically goes through all the same levels in a different way. Nonetheless, there is a lot of content to be mindful of even if there aren’t any extras. Lucia is a bit boring, however, so you might as well just stick with the Dante disc and forget there is a Lucia disc unless you want to see a French ninja girl jump around.

Basically what people hate about the game is that Dante doesn’t talk very much, the story makes absolutely no sense and you’re running around urban environments for the majority of the game. There is truth to all of that, but that line of thinking glosses over the actual gameplay. As far as that goes, lots of people think it was a piece of cake. It could be considered that, especially compared to the other games, but I had a difficult time enough as it was, so it depends on what kind of gamer you are when it comes to difficulty preference.

The graphics and sound are quite improved from the first game, but the first had better art and design than the second. There weren’t any bad frame rate dips at all, and of what little voice acting there was of Dante, it was fine. The annoying voice actors are probably just about everyone else in the game, but you get over it since they barely ever talk anyway.

Devil May Cry 2 might not be the best game ever, but it certainly is NOT one to skip over if you want to see the evolution of the series. As much as fans and even Capcom itself might want to ignore its existence and say to just “skip it,” it would be quite the mistake. If you like to see how the game series evolved, Devil May Cry 2 should at least be given a try.

Tags: Capcom, game review, GamersMark, PlayStation 2, The DPB Tag

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Developer: Yuke’s Media Creations / Publisher: THQ Inc.

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April 22, 2008 – http://www.gamersmark.com/reviews/view/1247

Overall: 5.0/10

Gameplay 6.0

Presentation 7.5

Value 7.5

Graphics 7.0

Sound 7.0

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The SmackDown Vs. Raw series has been around for a while. With its long-since forgotten relatives WCW/nWo World Tour and WCW/nWo Revenge on the N64, THQ’s wrestling formula hasn’t changed all that much from those days. It may have a new coat of paint and an updated roster, but SmackDown Vs. Raw 2008 can’t hold a candle to the original wrestling games that fans played to death when they were released.

SmackDown Vs. Raw is basically a 3D fighting game in its core foundation. While it’s not exactly “traditional” in that there is a life bar, the concept is still the same – beat the crap out of your opponent and make him wish he was never born. Wrestling games are a lot slower than normal fighters, because they try to mimic “real life” wrestling, whatever that may be. In SmackDown Vs. Raw 2008, you take control of wrestlers with practically no personality (that is, if they had any in the first place) and typically win by submission or three-count pin-fall.

In the game, you have some basic moves. You can punch, kick, smack, slap, run, weak grab, or strong grab your opponent to lay the hurt down on them. If you’ve played any wrestling game by THQ, most of it has remained unchanged over the years. The only thing worth commenting on if you haven’t played one of these games for a long time is that once you grab your opponent, you can execute a move by flicking the right analog stick in a certain direction to perform a specific move in your current character’s repertoire. While it isn’t as straightforward as pressing a button, it seems a bit more intuitive since you are mimicking a move as your character does it, in a way. If you get a hang of the fighting system, you might be able to have a good time with the game, as there is a lot of stuff to do if you really put your mind to it. If the system doesn’t really appeal to you, it’ll be hard finding your money’s worth if you’re a newcomer to wrestling games. You’ll also be furiously hitting on all buttons way more than you’d probably like to, so get ready to give your fingers a workout.

SmackDown Vs. Raw 2008 is the first game in the series to appear on the PS3. The 2007 version was canceled, to WWE’s major dismay, and you can see that there are still many kinks that didn’t get finished or optimized to a satisfactory standard. At the top of the list are the loading screens. Holy crap, there are a ton of loading screens in this game. Every time you start a match, there’s a loading screen. Before you even get to PLAY the match you just waited through the loading screen for, you have to go through three forced loading screens, even if you don’t want to watch the opening entrances of the wrestlers. It is so annoying to sit through what seems like five minutes of loading just to play a match – and worst of all, you can’t even turn the wrestler’s entrances off so you can avoid all that extra loading. Or if there IS a way to turn it off, they didn’t make it easy to find since I couldn’t find it in the Options menu at all.

As far as game modes go, there is a very barebones “career”-type mode called WWE 24/7, which is new to the series. In WWE 24/7, you can take a WWE Superstar or a created wrestler of your choice through a bunch of shoddy barely-thought-through storylines (and you thought the actual storylines you see on TV were bad?) with canned animations, e-mails that have voice-overs, e-mails that don’t have voice-overs, and spending money to unlock opening entrances (goody, more load times!). Online is also horribly laggy, and I always seem to be at a disadvantage against other players online because they somehow mastered the non-responsive controls in online mode and take advantage of the lag people get to absolutely dominate you. That’s probably beside the point, though, which is that it’s completely not worth playing against a human since there’s barely a difference in the satisfaction you may get from pinning an AI player. I guess it’s also worth mentioning that practically every wrestler you’d want to wrestle with is included in the game, as well as the ECW roster, making its debut this year.

Graphics are “meh” at best. Horribly annoying canned animations give absolutely no personality to any of the wrestlers you see, even though there are unique entrances for all the WWE Superstars. A limitation in WWE 24/7 mode seems to be that there can only be four characters on screen at the same time, and often there is no continuity between the story and what you see in the animations between characters. They are just replaced randomly with other wrestlers, so you’ll see the same scenes over and over. It might also be a boon that some of the models in the game look like the real wrestlers, but some of them look very off, like Edge. The sound is okay at best as the music can get kind of repetitive. The voice-overs are done by the actual wrestlers and personalities from WWE, so credit should be given for actually getting the real people to come in and donate their talents towards the project, although you might get sick of just about everyone’s voice by the time you’re through with WWE 24/7 mode.

In the end SmackDown vs. Raw 2008 is probably not worth your time. If you really commit to putting time into the game, you’ll be able to find a lot of content to busy yourself with. However horribly executed it may be, there is still a lot of playing time to be had. If you’re a long time fan of the series and you’ve stuck with it this far, you’re probably getting what you expect from a yearly “sports” title, but don’t hold your breath if you expect to find something redeeming in this year’s edition of SmackDown Vs. Raw. Maybe the 2009 edition of the game will have a fleshed out WWE 24/7 mode that will actually be worth playing, as it did show promise of becoming an interesting play mode.

Tags: game review, GamersMark, PlayStation 3, The DPB Tag, THQ, Yukes Media Creations

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I had someone just call me right now…

I pick up the phone, and they say something that sounds like a mix between “HA” and “HUH.”  Let’s call it HAUH.

So, I say “what?”

and then they say “HAUH” again.

and I’m all “who is this??”

and then he’s all “hauh!  oh!  wrong number sorry”

I don’t understand why someone would say “HAUH” as their first thing on the telephone when calling someone.  They sounded like a retard.

Tags: hauh, telephone

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I found these coins recently:

Penny: 1940

Penny: 1955-D

Penny: 1957-D

Penny: 1958-D

Penny: 1963-D x 2

Penny: 1964-D

Penny: 1966

Nickel: 1954

Nickel: 1956-D

Nickel: 1957-D

Nickel: 1962-D

Nickel: 1965

Dime: 1964-D

Quarter: Bicentennial-D

Quarter: North Dakota-P

Quarter: Oklahoma-D

Quarter: Smooshed New York-D Quarter

Half Dollar: 1967

Half Dollar: 1971-D

Half Dollar: Bicentennial

Half Dollar: 1980-D

Half Dollar: 1991-D

Half Dollar: 2001-D

Canadian Nickel: 1978

Cuban Nickel: 2000

Tags: Coin Collecting Journal

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Its official, today is Stupid Day. Here’s another customer story that just happened.

A bizarre lady called and asked if we rented out caps and gowns for her Masters graduation, and I told her no, we don’t, you have to buy them. She also volunteered to tell me that she was with the History department, like I could give a fuck about that in the first place.

So she proceeded to say this to me:

"I have to BUY my graduation robe? Well, I guess I’m not graduating then." And then hung up.

What the fuck is with these people today??

I also heard that another customer argued with a manager for a half and hour about returning a pen or pencil he bought a month ago (with no receipt to show, as well). And then there was ANOTHER lady who called us and asked us how to put her Masters Hood on, and she was a retard because when we tried to tell her what to do, she didn’t even do it right.

Tags: customer, The DPB Tag, The Retail Report

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A lady petitioning against the Cal State University budget cuts came into the store and solicited us to sign her stupid petition. I don’t sign anything so I said no, and no for all the people around me.

So then the bitch went deeper into the store and asked more customers to sign it. Which is not allowed, since we do not allow solicitors inside the store, no matter what their cause. Ironically, she was having an off-duty Community Service Officer (basically a junior cop and security guard for the store) sign the petition.

I called the on-duty CSOs in the camera room and told them about the Petition Bitch and tell her that she can’t be inside the store doing that shit. So, the guy came out and told her to leave.

During that time, the off-duty CSO came over to the Customer Service desk where I worked and told me that he signed the petition, and as the Petition Bitch was leaving she asked him to sign the petition again AFTER she was told she couldn’t do that in the store, not to mention she already got him to sign it.

What a bitch.

Tags: customer, The DPB Tag, The Retail Report

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So a guy wanted to buy a slushy, and I asked him what flavor it was so I could ring it up.

I said, "What flavor is that?"

He said "Strawberry, Idon’tknowrarerr….RED."

I said, "Red?"

He said "Yeahhhh, I don’t knoww"

So I rang him up for a red-flavored slushy. The End.

Tags: customer, The DPB Tag, The Retail Report

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A weird lady came by the Customer Service desk holding a cassette tape and some other electronic thing in her hand.

She said "I lost my wallet, so I was wondering if it was okay if I could take these now and pay for them later."
As she was about to explain more of her reasoning, I cut her off and said "No."

She said "Oh okay, I understand," and walked away.

Fucking weirdo.

Tags: customer, The DPB Tag, The Retail Report

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