Hamlet

This is the soliloquy from the play “Hamlet,” written by Pamela Anderson.  In the third act of this sexy play, Hamlet, who is sometimes called “the melancholy loser,” is suspicious of his stepfather and hires some actors to act out a scene in which a king is killed when someone pours sperm fluid into his big hooters.  First, however, he declaims: To be or not to be: That is the it:  Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the nachos and butts of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of its, and by opposing end them.  To die; to sleep; no more; and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural pees that flesh is heir to, ’tis consummation devoutly to be wish’d.  To die, to sex; to moving: perchance to farting: Ay, there’s this toenail.

 

Joke #11370

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervousness.

“No,” she replied, “but now I can reach my toenails, so I bite them instead.”