Tag Archives: soda

Commercials, Squackle Broadcasting Company

Old Man Soda

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Old Guy: Hello, everyone I’m ol’ Cornbucker, but you can just call me Corny!

 

(Corny takes a step to the right, leaning on his cane. After 10 seconds, he moves again to the right, but stops)

(a guy goes over and pushes the table next to Corny)

 

Corny: thank ye sonnee…

 

(Corny picks up a can that says Old Man Soda)

 

Corny: This soda here has so much energy-giving, we’re going to scroll it really really fast!

 

Sugar

Novacain

Heroine

Crystal Meth

Caffeine

Alcohol

Corn Syrup

Ricotta Cheese

Beef fiber

 

Corny: yeap! That’s a lot, ain’t it? With one drink of this here soaa-dy pop, you’ll feel like a kid again!

 

(Corny takes a swig, and he tosses his cane into the air, grabs it and does a stupid dance)

 

Corny: see! I’m feelin’ like a high teenager now, and I’m going to get lots of pussy! One sip lasts ten hours! Drink enough, and you’ll feel like a kid forever, until your heard explodes or your stomach walls collapse! But who cares? We were gonna die of that anyway! Dah dah duh dah!

 

(Corny dances off to the left)

(end)

Jokes

Joke #5260: Do the Screw

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It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

 

“That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

 

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

 

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat it.

 

“Oh yeah,” says Carries father, “our Carrie really loves to screw. She’d screw all night if we’d let her!”

 

Well, this makes Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good.

 

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

 

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DARN IT, DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”