“the newspaper was delivered on the porch”
– sisterpoobond
Tag Archives: newspaper
Quote #13683
“when I was a kid I brought my wagon around to other people’s houses, and they would save their newspapers for me. When I got the newspaper I put it in a bundle…
::he shows with his hands how big it was::
…and when the junkman came, he took a hook and picked up the bundle…
::does a hand motion of a hook grabbing a newspaper bundle that isn’t there::
…and the newspaper went up and down…
::he has his right arm in the air as the hook and his left arm as the newspaper, flat handed, going up and down, showing how the newspaper went up and down::
…and the counter read the weight as it went up and down, showing the weight”
– Dr. OldNBald
Joke #13234
I read in the newspaper about a French cat burglar who’s doing great. So far, he’s gotten away with twenty-five cats.
Joke #13212
A mother was having a talk with her next door neighbor. “My son, Robert, is in medical school. He wants to deliver babies. To be honest, I would not trust him to deliver newspapers.”
Joke #12720
I read in a newspaper about a kangaroo in the Bronx Zoo who has no pep. The vet diagnosed him as out of bounds.
Joke #12610
The reporter was interviewing the seven-foot-tall basketball player for his newspaper. He asked, “What is the hardest thing you have to do each day?”
The basketball star replied, “I guess it’s tying my shoes.”
Joke #12608
We read in the newspaper about a baseball player who’s so rich, he hired a guy to warm up for him before a game.
Joke #12570
Have you heard about the dog who was so slow that he brought his master yesterday’s paper?
Joke #12473
PAPER BOY: “There’s a guy on my route who has sixty-two different daily newspaper delivered to his place every day.”
GIRL: “Wow. He must be a well-read intellectual.”
PAPER BOY: “Nope. He owns a pet store.”
Joke #12377
There was a wife who told her husband, “Jerry, last night I dreamed you bought me a mink coat and a diamond ring.”
The husband put down his newspaper and said, “Fine! Tonight go back to sleep and wear them in good health.”
Joke #12045
A father was reading the newspaper one night and he commented, “It says here an old woman died and police found 50,000 dollars hidden in her bustle.”
His teenage son replied, “Wow! That’s a lot of money to leave behind.”
Joke #12038
SON: “Hey, Dad! This newspaper says the moon is going broke.”
DAD: “Why is it going broke?”
SON: “The paper says it’s going into its last quarter.”
Joke #11935
A kid selling newspapers on a busy corner in New York City was yelling, “Read all about it — 29 people swindled!”
A man stopped and bought a newspaper from him.
After reading the headline, he said, “Hey, there’s nothing in here about 29 people being swindled.”
“Read all about it –,” shouted the newsboy. “30 people swindled!”
Joke #11404
Laurie: Our dog is lost!
Steve: Oh no! You’d better put an ad in the paper.
Laurie: What for? He can’t read!
Joke #11363
Police officers in Brockton, Massachusetts received a call regarding an injured animal lying on a street corner.
When they arrived at the scene they found a dog that had been hit by a car.
But according to the local newspaper, the police report stated that the dog was okay and “refused medical treatment.”