Q: What do cannibals call a shipwreck?
A: Lunch.
Q: What do cannibals call a shipwreck?
A: Lunch.
“then you will have all my lunch time”
– Mrs. Stickums
“My lunch is in this ziploc bag!”
::waves it around::
“hehe!!”
– from somewhere around davepoobond’s high school
“Russia is out to lunch”
– Mrs. DYKE
“how about we get some lunch and hump?”
– from the Radio
“who’d steal 30 bagged lunches? ill tell ya who took those lunches. its that damn Sasquatch”
– Billy Madison (1995)
Q: Why did the elephant eat a 100 watt light bulb?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
You can always tell which people have short lunch breaks. They’re the ones who sip their soup through straws.
As every minute passes, we all grow older. But people say that you’re only as old as you feel. So what is the real difference between young and old? It’s not the years. It’s how you look at life:
– When he’s young, a man can’t wait to grow a beard… but when he gets old, the same man just hates to shave every day.
– When she’s young, a girl loves to fix meals… but when she becomes an old married lady, the thing she hates the most is fixing breakfast, lunch, and dinner for her family every day.
– When he’s young, a man enjoys watching girls… but when he gets old, the same man prefers watching the market.
– When she’s young, a girl loves to make herself look older by putting a gray streak in her hair… but when she gets old and finds a real gray streak in her hair, she cries her eyes out.
PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “I just had lunch an hour ago.”
PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “You mean you ‘think’ you just had lunch.”
PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “No, I’m sure. I ate six stuffed peppers.”
PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “That’s still no proof. You could think you ate six stuffed peppers. It could all be in your mind.”
PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “That’s impossible, Professor. I know I had lunch because I have indigestion, and it’s in my stomach not my mind.”
Once upon a time, there lived a magnificent civilization under the sea. While you might be thinking it is a society of merpeople or single fish, you are wrong. This society was created by mammoths. Mammoths wearing scuba gear.
Everyday they would refill their oxygen tanks at the Oxygen Station. They would comb their hair and eat pop-tarts for lunch, dinner, and sometimes breakfast. They would eat water for breakfast.
So, anyway, humans evolved and started shitting on the ocean and dumping their Twinkie wrappers in the middle of the Pacific like assholes.
This soon created a Trash Island that became as big as the Pacific itself. Eventually, the Insectoid Empire declared the Trash Island as their sovereignty and announced war against the humans. After a long, arduous game of Monopoly, the humans lost and agreed to fly to the moon and remake their society there since no one gives a shit about that place.
The Insectoid Empire enjoyed a long and prosperous reign on land but they wanted more. The Ocean Mammoth embassy on the Trash Island gave the Insectoid Empire an idea. Why not take over the Ocean Mammoth civilization?
A surgical strike at the mammoth’s Oxygen Stations sealed the deal and soon enough the streets of the Ocean Mammoth civilization were filled with drowned mammoths. Eventually large schools of barracudas and piranhas came and ate all of them and destroyed all of their inventions, losing all of their technology forever.
The Insectoid Empire relished this victory and soon became an imperialistic power taking over one planet after the next. They were parasites after all.
Moral of the story: Foreign dependence is bad.
Q: What are two things a spaceman can never eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
–
Another version of this joke:
Q: What are the two things you can never eat for breakfast?
A: Lunch and dinner.
Brother: Why did Mom give us this for lunch? I hate cheese with holes.
Sister: Just eat the cheese and leave the holes on the side of the plate!