Note: To understand this IM, read The “lol” Theory

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Holmes: hey

davepoobond: yo

Holmes: what up

davepoobond: not much you

Holmes: same

Holmes: bored

Holmes: shitless

Holmes: heh a car controlled by a remote control

Holmes: cool

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: thats been around for a while

Holmes: it’d be like a real life video game

davepoobond: imadumbass

Holmes: iknow

Holmes: lmao

Holmes: pk

Holmes: ik

Holmes: ok,

Holmes: ok

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: i’m dead bored

davepoobond: sorry

Holmes: don’t be sorry

Holmes: my friends are sorry….they never have any good stories to fuckin tell

Holmes: always the same shit over and over again

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: “yeah this one time i ran over a…” “a squirrel, nick, yeah i know…that was back in april” “it was sooo cool!” “oh yeah….cool…..riiiight”

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: mmh golden grahams are sooo good out of milk

Holmes: golden grahams

davepoobond: ya

Holmes: there so crunchy -drolls on keyboard-

Holmes: -ggggggggggggggggggetgsgggggggggggg ggggg butggggggggggggtton stgggggggggggugggggggckgggggg-

davepoobond: me want GOLDEN GRAHAMS

Holmes: thats golden crisp

Holmes: silly

davepoobond: its actually honey comb

Holmes: …..shut up

davepoobond: golden crisp tastes like ass muffins

davepoobond: ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

davepoobond: for all i know u can be wearing a ballerina outfit anyway

davepoobond: here’s a tongue twister of a word

davepoobond: gaugacgaagag

Holmes: i’m not even going to try and say it, it’ll tie my toungue in knots

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: or how about

davepoobond: aauaacaaaaag

davepoobond: uguugcugaugg

Holmes: too many a’s

Holmes: too many u’s

davepoobond: cigucgccgacgg

davepoobond: aguagcagaagg

davepoobond: giguggcggaggg

Holmes: ahhhhhhhhhhh

davepoobond: zaybaxbiwt

Holmes: jimbjumbjewjeekjagkahrule

davepoobond: uuuuucuuauug, cuucuccuacug, auuauccauaaug, guugucguagug, ucuuccucaucg, ccucccccaccg, acuaccacaacg, uauuacuaauag, caucaccaacag, aauaacaaaaag, gaugacgaagag, uguugcugaugg, cigucgccgacgg, aguagcagaagg, giguggcggaggg

Holmes: ugh

Holmes: <-dizzy

davepoobond: lol

Note: at the time, davepoobond was computer shopping because the computer they had was literally a piece of shit. The specs mentioned weren’t the final components of the computer, but it was pretty close. Considering the shitfest davepoobond came from on that computer to using a new computer which was basically top of the line at the time (which also shows this IM’s age), is like heaven.

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Holmes: i

Holmes: hi*

davepoobond: hi

davepoobond: wats up

Holmes: ::holds back from laughing::

Holmes: the sky!

Holmes: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

Holmes: no

Holmes: nothing

davepoobond: same with me

davepoobond: the sky part that is

davepoobond: ahahahahahahahah

davepoobond: yeah

davepoobond: the computer we’re thinkin of gettin is gonna cost more than 3 grand

Holmes: wow

Holmes: what is it

davepoobond: dell

davepoobond: 120 gig hd

davepoobond: dvd rw, dvd r, cd rw, cd r burner

davepoobond: 17 in flat panel

davepoobond: thats a monitor

davepoobond: opitical mouse

Holmes: …

Holmes: holy….

davepoobond: 2.26 ghz

Holmes: ……..fuckin………..

Holmes: ……………………..shit

davepoobond: 56k modem!

Holmes: …awesome?

davepoobond: 64mb geforce 4

davepoobond: the 4600 not 4200

Holmes: god damn!

Holmes: you got a fuckin thuper computer!

davepoobond: win xp home edition w/ windows xp professional office

Holmes: SHIT!

davepoobond: zip drive

davepoobond: 512 mb of ram

davepoobond: they had 1 gig of ram as an option too

Holmes: why…..must…..you….torture…..me

davepoobond: hey hey. your computer is about 20 times better than this piece of crap

davepoobond: i had to live with this thing for 6 years

Holmes: wow

davepoobond: actually using it

Holmes: it’s an antique

davepoobond: i didnt use it all the other time

davepoobond: it was originally made in 85

Holmes: yholy shit

davepoobond: its a spectacle to see, because i can actually DO things on this computer still

Holmes: hey i had to use a computer that had less then 1 gb of memory, almost NO RAM!, 14.4 modem! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TRYING TO USE A 14.4 MODEM!

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: a disk had more memory then the frickin computer!

davepoobond: we had that computer

Holmes: 14.4 on AOL…-shuts out the memory-

davepoobond: there was one we had that had less than 500 mb hard drive space

davepoobond: no AOL though

davepoobond: no modem

davepoobond: and it had 8 mb of ram

davepoobond: slow as a big crap comin out of you

Holmes: nice metaphor

davepoobond: its was a .486 w/windows 95 in it!

Holmes: comes complete with mental pictures

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: o my crap

Holmes: seriosuly imagine connecting on AOL in REALLY slow motion…

davepoobond: yeah

Holmes: it took 4 minutes to get to “Checking Password”

davepoobond: you’d have like a 7.2k modem connection really

Holmes: then it froze

Holmes: and we never signed on

davepoobond: i have a 33.6k modem, i usually get 28.8 modem connection

davepoobond: when i have 31.2k modem connection, i cant surf the net

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: that sucks

davepoobond: eh oh well

davepoobond: its not really that bad

Holmes: hmm

Holmes: i have dsl and my bro loves aol so he’s paying for it and i get to use it

davepoobond: aint that great

Holmes: because if i don’t he won’t play playstation 2

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: and if he doesn’t play playstation 2 i can’t play his x box or game cube

davepoobond: ok there’s a lotta blackmailing in your house huh

Holmes: blackmailing is our last name…almost

Holmes: not really…

Holmes: sorta..

Holmes: ok it’s not

Holmes: but it starts with the same letter

Holmes: b

davepoobond: ok

Holmes: and we get mail

Holmes: so…

Holmes: yeah

Holmes: i’ll shut up now

Note: this was before all these movies came out…this actual conversation took place around 2003/2004, so you can see a lot of these things came true or changed a little bit

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Holmes: sup

davepoobond: not much

davepoobond: they’re making a Home Alone 4

Holmes: …

Holmes: o…

davepoobond: and American Pie 3

Holmes: my….

Holmes: god

davepoobond: and a prequel to Dumb and Dumber

davepoobond: with steve THE DELL GUY

davepoobond: as jeff daniels

davepoobond: and i dont know whos jim carrery

davepoobond: carrey

Holmes: stop it! STOP IT! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS!

Holmes: THE HORROR

davepoobond: jim carrey sold out

davepoobond: “i dont wanna do any comedies anymore”

Holmes: ….

Holmes: thats bull shit

Holmes: he’s a natural comedian

davepoobond: i know

davepoobond: but no more he says

Holmes: so basically he quit acting

davepoobond: the majestic wasnt even a comedy

Holmes: because jim carrey is no action hero or drama person

davepoobond: and they’re making Spy Hunter as a movie, with vin diesel

Holmes: omg

davepoobond: oh wait

davepoobond: not vin diesel

davepoobond: the rock

Holmes: OH MY FUCKIN GOD

davepoobond: hehe

davepoobond: they’re both the same

davepoobond: i’m gonna give u a heart attack huh

Holmes: yes

davepoobond: and i also think they’re gonna make a sequel to Dude, Where’s my car?

davepoobond: but its not gonna have either of them i think

Holmes: ::can’t take it anymore and just dies::

davepoobond: its gonna be different people, and its gonna be “Dude, where’s my van?”

davepoobond: or something

Holmes: ::dies again::

Holmes: and terminator 3

Holmes: is coming out

davepoobond: yeah but everyone already knows about that

Holmes: Analyze That

Holmes: and Meet The Fockers

davepoobond: really?

Holmes: yes

Holmes: really

davepoobond: that’ll be funny

davepoobond: meet the fockers

Holmes: oh wait

Holmes: Title Note: (7/12/02) Even though Ben Stiller’s character in the first movie was credited with the last name of “Focker”, “Variety” announced today that the title is not “Meet the Fockers” as has been widely reported, but actually “Meet the Fokkers.” It sounds to me like Universal (or someone) was concerned that they couldn’t actually release a film that was just *one* letter away from the “F” word. Two letters, though, must be okay

Holmes: lmao

Holmes: thats hilarious

davepoobond: two letters must be ok

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: it HAS to be

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: have you seen XXX?

Holmes: no

Holmes: i’m not sure if i should or shouldn;t

davepoobond: i think they’re gonna make sequels to them

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************************************************ou put it in the sun going straight up and down it makes a cool design

Holmes: i saqw lord of the rings

Holmes: lmao

davepoobond: that any good?

Holmes: yes

Holmes: it was

davepoobond: i still havent seen it

Holmes: ow my fuckin arm hurts…i came back from the doctor and he like shoved a needle into me

davepoobond: he pry thought you were a horse

Holmes: he asked “how was my summer” i was about to saw “fun” and he sohved it into my arm

davepoobond: haha he’s a funny guy

Holmes: he stabbed me! i’m suing

davepoobond: do you know how doctors check if a horse is pregnant or not

davepoobond: they shove their whole freaking arm into the horse’s ass

Holmes: ….

davepoobond: and then they take out the poo that is in there

Holmes: eww

davepoobond: and htey use a lot of lube

Holmes: i can emagine

davepoobond: and then after all the poo is out, they take this ultrasonic thingy that is about palm sized and jam it in there as well as their whole arm

davepoobond: aint that spectacular

Holmes: yes

davepoobond: i had a first hand account on monday

davepoobond: 3 times

Holmes: ……

Holmes: ewww

davepoobond: the first time was nasty, but after the other 2, it didnt look too bad

davepoobond: you’ve gotta have balls to stick your whole arm into a horse’s ass

Holmes: yes you do

Holmes: “hold er down….come ere lil horsey” *shove*

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: “ok…i feel somethin….it’s squishy….like jello…”

Holmes: “oh wait this is a male” “how do you know?” “cause i’m grabboin his balls from the inside!”

davepoobond: i was expecting to see his arm come out of the horse’s mouth or something

Holmes: heh

davepoobond: and his arm just kept going in, i was thinking “ok that’s far enough to do it, right?” wrong, it went in farther

Holmes: “oh my god! his ass is eating me alive!!!!”

davepoobond: usually, i think they do about 20 horses at a time

davepoobond: sex, lies, and headlocks

Holmes: thats what life is all about

davepoobond: the story of vince macmahon

Holmes: lmao

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: i’m watchin the video

davepoobond: for what

Holmes: were not gonna take it

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: the fuck? the father looks like a psycho

davepoobond: lol i know

davepoobond: they did that beginning part in the lit video

davepoobond: my own worst enemy

Holmes: “i carried a m16 AND YOU…YOU…YOU CARRY THAT GUITAR!!!!”

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: WHAT DO YOU WANNA WITH YOUR LIFEEEEEEEE

Holmes: and the father just fell out of the window for no reason

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: what an idiot!

Holmes: he got slammed by the door 6 times in a row!

Holmes: the father

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: heh he fell out of the window again

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: LMAPO!!!!!!!!

Holmes: LOL

davepoobond: he flew through the wall?

Holmes: He tried pulling of some tarzan shit and crashed into a wall!

Holmes: yeah lol

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: omg

Holmes: that was terrible

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: i love that video

Holmes: i can’t stop laughing

davepoobond: did you see that part like he got cornered, and there’s no windows around him

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: so he crosses his arms, and nods, smiling

Holmes: that was the end

davepoobond: then he flies through the wall

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: yeah lol

Holmes: that was hilarious

Holmes: sorry what;d y say you say after the AWESOME chat thing?

Holmes: comp froze because of chat

davepoobond: i forgot heh

Holmes: stupid chat

davepoobond: lol

davepoobond: publisher’s clearing house is such a stupid thing

Holmes: yesh

Holmes: it is

davepoobond: whatever happened to that old guy

Holmes: died

Holmes: i think

davepoobond: lol

Holmes: oh well

Holmes: i didn;t go to his funeral

Holmes: i feel bad

davepoobond: me too

davepoobond: its kinda like dave thomas

Holmes: AHH don’t remind me

davepoobond: they always reminded me of each other

Holmes: -brusts out into tears-

davepoobond: and i thought they were the same person

Holmes: bursts*

Holmes: WHY DAVE WHY?!

davepoobond: I DONT KNOWWWWWWWW

Holmes: he was such a cool guy

Holmes: all he did was smile and i went out and bought a triple decker

davepoobond: heh

davepoobond: what do you get when you mix red and blue, purple or a cow?

Holmes: Ok OK! I know I owe you fuckin money but for cryin out loud give me my family back and I swear i’ll pay you back! (If your not the mafia and your one of my friends, i’m doing great and i’ll be right back after i rob a bank…)

davepoobond: heh