Q: What’s green and goes up and down?
A: A Martian in an elevator.
Q: What’s green and goes up and down?
A: A Martian in an elevator.
Q: What’s black and white and green all over?
A: A referee who fell into the Gator Bowl.
Q: What is a green and pecks on a tree?
A: Woody wood pickle.
Q: What’s green and sings?
A: “Elvis Parsley!!”
Q: What’s green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A: The pool table in the oval office.
“I am a drug addict. This is my story.” I was sitting in my one room apartment, because I spent all my money on drugs. I just finished smiffing some crack when the crack demons appered! There were three green ones. They tryed to stabb me with there pitch forks. “Pinkie, HELP!!!!” I yelled and drank a six-pack quickly. Suddenly I heard a elephant call and my trusty pink elephant Pinkie ran in. He grabbed one demon with his trunk and choked it while he smashed the other 2 with his massive front legs. He tipped his hat to me and we went to the bar together for a drink.
The moral of the story-Don’t do crack,drink! Oh, and don’t try this at home this can only be done by drug induced hallucinations…so go get some!
– Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”.
– Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help.
– Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
– For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
– Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
– Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
– The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
– This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
– Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
– This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
– The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
– Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.
– The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
– Thursday night–Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
– Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
– The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
– At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
– During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
– The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
– The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
– The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
– The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
– Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
– Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
– Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Q: What’s big and green, and if it fell out of a tree would hurt you?
A: A pool table!
Q: What is blue, green, orange, and red all over your kitchen counter?
A: A blueberry pie with green apples and a little orange dye. And if you’re wondering about the red, it was my finger!
Q: What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
A: It gets wet.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: If you throw a green Martian into the Black Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
ruyow – n. a green sky