The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family who were waiting for the news: “We had twins!”
The family was so excited they immediately asked, “Who do they look like?”
The father paused, smiled, and said, “Each other.”
WILL: “Why are you grounded?”
BILL: “I tried to fill my father’s shoes.”
WILL: “Did you succeed?”
BILL: “Yes, I filled them with tacks.”
Knock-knock!
Who’s there?
Waiter.
Waiter who?
Waiter (wait till) your father gets home!
Q: Why did the father put his son under a beach umbrella?
A: To avoid son burn.
CANNIBAL FATHER: “Well, how did your team do today?”
CANNIBAL SON: “We creamed them.”
CANNIBAL FATHER: “In the finals?”
CANNIBAL SON: “No, in the main course.”
“What’s wrong, son?” asks Eddie’s father.
“I lost my puppy,” sobs Eddie.
“Don’t cry,” says the concerned father. “We’ll get your dog back. We’ll put an ad in the paper.”
“That won’t do any good,” wails Eddie. “The dog can’t read!”
“my father is having a homosexual affair…”
– from the Radio
“you’re in trouble now!…..my DAD’S HERE!”
– Short Circuit 2 (1988)
“egg from mother, sperm from father”
– an “educational” movie
“I was driving when you were an itch in your daddy’s pants!”
– Lethal Weapon (1987)
Q: What are parents that you can see through?
A: Transparents.
–
Another version of this joke:
Q: What does a little ghost call his mother and father?
A: His trans-parents!
Billy Smith went back to his old neighborhood for a visit. He saw his old buddy, Tommy Jones, coming out of school. “How are you Tommy?” Billy asked.
“Not well at all,” Tommy answered. “I just had pneumonia, rheumatism, tonsillitis, and appendicitis.”
Billy was shocked. “That sounds like it could be fatal.”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, if I failed that spelling test, my father will kill me.”
FATHER: “Where are the Appalachians?”
SON: “I think they’re in the refrigerator, Dad.”
PATIENT: “Doctor, now that you’ve diagnosed my case, can you cure me?”
DOCTOR: “I’m afraid I can’t, sir. You see, your illness is hereditary.”
PATIENT: “Well, in that case, Doc, send the bill to my father.”
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”