Tag Archives: davepoobond

Quotes

Quote #22149

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This entry is part 17 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::davepoobond is at the register and is doing something with a void slip (a piece of paperwork saying why a transaction was canceled).  It was fairly important.::

Female Customer: Can I pay for this here?

::A male customer walks up next to her::

davepoobond: Ummmm… sureeeeeee, but I’m doing something right now.

::davepoobond sidesteps to the other end of Customer Service as Maria Sweden steps over to the register.  She proceeds to smack davepoobond on the shoulder for not ringing up the girl::

Male Customer: GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE MAN, GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE.  Way to do your job.

::davepoobond just shrugs and resumes to try to look busy doing the void slip::

–

Later…

–

Maria Sweden: Did you know that guy?

davepoobond: No…

Maria Sweden: You didn’t?

davepoobond: Never seen that guy before in my life.

Maria Sweden: Seriously?  That was pretty cheeky to have done that…

davepoobond: Cheeky?

Maria Sweden: Yeah, cheeky, you don’t know what cheeky means?

::davepoobond rolls his eyes::

– at davepoobond’s job, 5/30/2007

If you don’t get the joke, Maria didn’t know what cheeky meant herself.  The definition of “cheeky” is “impudent or irreverent, typically in an endearing or amusing way.”

Quotes

Quote #22148

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::Stephen looks at a closed case of cologne.::

Stephen: Oh, Gucci?

::Stephen reaches forward to grab the cologne but his hand is blocked by the plastic locked door.::

Stephen: Oh, what?  I thought it was open!  It looked like it ended right above!

::Stephen proceeds to cover up how dumb he was to do that, but Ely and I just keep laughing at him.::

– at davepoobond’s job, 5/30/2007

Chat Logs, Lame Chat Rooms

WoW Chat #22143

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In Trade Chat…

–

Neckslicerr: how do u get a girl thats really pretty to like u

davepoobond: go after her legs like the cake you ate

Neckslicerr: ?

Neckslicerr: wow really

Neckslicerr: your funny

davepoobond: i wanna let you know that i am ready to go

Neckslicerr: your fat.

davepoobond: i come around when you least expect me, when your glass is empty

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs, Prank IMs

WoW Chat #22142: davepoobond -> Sanydiusw

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Sanydiusw is selling rare mounts in trade.

–

davepoobond: ill buy it for 10k

Sanydiusw: lol no thanks

davepoobond: how much for magic rooster egg then???

Sanydiusw: Cash

davepoobond: whats that

Sanydiusw: $

davepoobond: gold?

Sanydiusw: No

davepoobond: ??

davepoobond: can i trade you a copy of death to all humans: big willy unleashed

Sanydiusw: only real money.:(

davepoobond: and a flask of winds

Sanydiusw: Sorry.:P

Sanydiusw: sorry

davepoobond: what are you sorry for

Sanydiusw: coz we selling them in $.:)

davepoobond: who is we???

Sanydiusw: dollars

davepoobond: who

Sanydiusw: our company.:)

davepoobond: what is a that

Sanydiusw: i am a gold seller

davepoobond: i thought you said you dont want gold?

davepoobond: i have a sick

davepoobond: i need god to fix to my visa

Fan Mail/Hate Mail, Hate Mail

Hate Mail #22127

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At some point in time I had received an e-mail from “Mr. Right” which contained:

Hey man good site except i dont appreciate jokes that are not only gross but also prove that your morals are worse than michale jacksons. i dare u to go find what joke im talking about, email me back if you and your teddy bear have time

–

In response, I sent:

I’m glad you like my site, but I don’t give a shit which joke is gross or not.  If you don’t like reading the jokes, don’t read them.  Go to another section of the site.  Why don’t you go cry to your mommy about how Mr. davepoobond has poor morals compared to your high-standing morals that are monumentous in comparison to mine.

Mr. Teddums and I have morals, but only when it comes to something actually important.  Just because I post a joke that I think is funny, it isn’t to  make any judgement on the morals that I have.

E-mail me back if you and your right hand have enough to time to stop jacking off to your real estate agent.

Hope you keep going to Squackle!

davepoobond
https://www.squackle.com/

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#22095: DonutLover -> davepoobond

2 Comments

davepoobond is on a dating site… and then…

–

DonutLover: hey

davepoobond: hi

davepoobond: how’s it going

DonutLover: slowly..tired but not sleepy…

DonutLover: hows your night going

davepoobond: not bad, just trying to waste the last couple of hours of the day before going to sleep

DonutLover: i hear ya

DonutLover: how has this site been for you

davepoobond: pretty crappy actually, dont really get many interactions from people

davepoobond: you’re the 2nd person to actually say more than 1 thing to me heh

davepoobond: how about for you

DonutLover: hah, same deal, i look through these profiles and mostly find myself thinking …why does he have his shirt off or what a retard…i know…harsh critic

davepoobond: i see nothing but variations of “please keep your shirt on” or stuff like that on girls profiles

DonutLover: haha..really

davepoobond: yeah, its getting kinda boring at this point. i dont see any girls without their shirts on, so i’m wondering what i’m missing

DonutLover: im pretty sure theres some sluty gals around….put some effort into looking davepoobond

davepoobond: hahah well that was a joke 😛

DonutLover: “no”,,,,,”really”….?! lol

davepoobond: 😉

davepoobond: so whats your favorite kind of doughnut

DonutLover: Jelly filled…what about you

davepoobond: old-fashioned

davepoobond: as long as it doesnt taste like carrots

davepoobond: ive had one that tasted like carrots, it was very confusing

DonutLover: carrots?…were you high?

DonutLover: Kidding kidding

DonutLover: 🙂

davepoobond: no, it was the morning, so might as well have been

DonutLover: hahaha….

DonutLover: So…how was your monday

davepoobond: it was a normal monday i suppose. went to work and then came back home and watched some netflix

davepoobond: how about yours

DonutLover: well..didnt have to work..apparently its a presidents bday or something..but i did have to go fix some major paperwork mistakes i hid earlier in the week

DonutLover: what do you do for milk money kiddo

davepoobond: well uh Martin Luther King wasn’t a president, but i guess that’s close enough haha 😛

DonutLover: im glad you get my sarcasm..o.0

davepoobond: just makin sure!

davepoobond: i do video editing for an investigations company and freelance video editing as well on the side

DonutLover: sounds….entertaining…..

DonutLover: dot dot dot..lol

davepoobond: very. i’ve always been good with computers, and i love to act smart about things people dont know about, and no one knows anything about video, so therein lies where i make money

davepoobond: and i can rub it in people’s faces too and its easier to act like i know what im doing

DonutLover: arent you charming…hah, i must say i am jealous of tech geeks…there so useful..them and wilderness firefighters..

davepoobond: are you around a lot of fires in the wilderness?

DonutLover: no..but i mean..knowing me..im pretty sure..itll happen

davepoobond: guess it’d be good to keep a pocket fire extinguisher then

DonutLover: they have those?

davepoobond: sure. imagination makes anything possible.

DonutLover: hmmmm….itd be less weight if i just brought a wilderness ff along though

davepoobond: but how would he fit in your pocket

DonutLover: obviously gamers dudes dont use logics much..eh davebond

DonutLover: id carry him on my back

DonutLover: dah

davepoobond: how long have you had a profile for

DonutLover: not sure..i made it along time ago.and havent been on in a while…

davepoobond: into any movies at all?

DonutLover: classics…what are you into

davepoobond: everything

DonutLover: agh…thats specific

davepoobond: i was a film major, so there isn’t a movie that i can’t or won’t watch

davepoobond: the absolute worst movie i have ever seen was Da Hip Hop Witch

davepoobond: and i almost turned it off it was so terrible

DonutLover: haha…awkward

DonutLover: why were you even watching it?

davepoobond: whats your favorite classic movie then

davepoobond: cause i heard Eminem was in it, and that it was supposed to be a parody of The Blair Witch Project

davepoobond: and i thought he was going to be going through the woods with some middle schoolers

davepoobond: but it was nothing like that at all

DonutLover: hahahaha…goodness….i like how that appeals to you..well my classics are not the norms of the designated, i just prefer black and whites, anything with spencer tracey and older war flics..

davepoobond: spencer tracey huh.

DonutLover: for some reason i have no interest in modern comedy..like those bachlor films

DonutLover: tracy gable wayne..i know im a patriot

davepoobond: touch of evil and philadelphia are a couple of ones ive seen that i like

davepoobond: citizen kane until the end was great. i thought the ending was dumb

DonutLover: ive never seen citizen kane

DonutLover: what happens at the ending

davepoobond: geez i cant spoil the ending for you

davepoobond: there’d be no point in watching it

DonutLover: exactly

DonutLover: help a stranger out

DonutLover: odds are….youll enjoy it

davepoobond: enjoy what?

davepoobond: spoiling a movie?

DonutLover: haha….fine ill google it

DonutLover: goodness

davepoobond: at least im not the catalyst

DonutLover: you and your big words

davepoobond: indubitably

DonutLover: i concure

DonutLover: cure

DonutLover: hah

davepoobond: making up words now? awkward

DonutLover: awkwardly awesome

davepoobond: that was actually an inside joke.

davepoobond: cause i’ve made about oh i dont know… 6000 words

DonutLover: and how far has that got ya craphead

davepoobond: i dont know, ill let you know when it gets me somewhere

DonutLover: haha…so i guess well never know then

davepoobond: i found this one girl’s profile where she says she wouldnt mind sleeping on a grave for a first date

DonutLover: shes a keeper

–

She leaves the chat. Apparently she wasn’t very interested.

Chat Logs, CrazE-mails

Looking for a Voice Actor?

1 Comment

I have a posting on Craigslist to offer my services as a voice actor.  I don’t get many responses to it, obviously, but I did get one, as follows.

–

from:  Stro
date: Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 9:19 AM
subject:  Need a voice actor

Hi, I’m actually looking for a phone actor, for 10-15 mins. Is this something you can do?

–

from:  davepoobond
to:  Stro
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 12:23 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

Yes, I think I can help you out with it.

What is the project?  If it is a video, what genre is it?

–

from:  Stro
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 6:41 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

It’s not a video, sounds really silly but I need someone to pretend to be my dad over the phone.  My dad won’t talk to a friend of mine and I really need him to, it’s a complicated situation. I just need someone to talk to my friend for a few minutes. I’ll obviously pay whatever you charge for your service.

–

from: davepoobond
date:  Mon, Sep 12, 2011 at 6:54 PM
subject:  Re: Need a voice actor

Well, it is an odd proposition.  I’ll have to know more specifics before I can tell you I’d do it or not.

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs, Prank IMs

WoW Chat #21934: Slevinn -> davepoobond

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In trade chat…

[2] [davepoobond]: i am almost at 3 million gold

—

Slevinn: how do you make so much gold

Slevinn: i will give you a bj for a million

davepoobond: r u a grl

Slevinn: yes

davepoobond: how big r ur boobs

Slevinn: 34c

davepoobond: what is the psi of your mouth

Slevinn: i have no gage reflex

davepoobond: psi!

davepoobond: pounds/square inch

Slevinn: is that like sucking pressure or what

davepoobond: yes

Slevinn: more then you can handle

davepoobond: sounds interesting

davepoobond: how much experience do you have

Slevinn: enough

davepoobond: do you have any personal references

Slevinn: haha not that play wow

davepoobond: i see…

davepoobond: i have inside sources that say 34c is small, do you beg to differ?

Slevinn: yeah

davepoobond: are there any extra addons

Slevinn: 4

davepoobond: 4 what

davepoobond: i meant like perks

davepoobond: what makes you different from the competition

davepoobond: 34c isnt small, its a nice size

davepoobond: i looked it up on google

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

WoW Chat #21923: davepoobond -> Edierit

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In trade:

[2] [Edierit]: wts [Reins of the Swift Spectral Tiger] [Reins of the Spectral Tiger] [Vial of the Sands]

–

davepoobond: how much for spectral

Edierit: [Reins of the Swift Spectral Tiger]460$ [Reins of the Spectral Tiger]320$ [Vial of the Sands]55$

davepoobond: 460 gold?

Edierit: nono

davepoobond: what do you mean then??? i only have gold???

Edierit: sorry,enjoy your time

davepoobond: hello?

davepoobond: please cod it to me for 460 gold

Edierit: nono

davepoobond: why not????

davepoobond: you want 460 gold for it?

Edierit: i need money ,dude

davepoobond: but gold is money??

Edierit: is real money,i want ,im poor

davepoobond: why are you poor

Edierit: i have no job ,so

Edierit: goodbye man,enjoy your time

davepoobond: but your job is warlock?

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#21895: janiekishiazg -> davepoobond

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janiekishiazg: im soo bad … come spank me!

davepoobond: ok

janiekishiazg: hey 🙂

davepoobond: hi

janiekishiazg: how are you , are you busy? ? 🙂

davepoobond: hi

janiekishiazg: oohh ok well I saw ur online wanted to see if you wanted to chat in private right now ?? if your alone of course 😉 … i am 😉

davepoobond: hi

janiekishiazg: ok well 😉  ..just go here babe  (spam url here), just click on the accept the invite GREEN button … hurry my cam is on already …

davepoobond: is this reality

janiekishiazg: can you see ME??? … 😉 very sexy huh …lol well this site is soo cool .. we can chat with other girls in a big chat room … its like a big

orgy lol plus its free with my friend pass PLEASE DONT GIVE IT OUT!lol

davepoobond: my name is poop

davepoobond: i just came out of an ass

janiekishiazg: mindy

davepoobond: who

janiekishiazg: k papi rico i cant hear you or see wut your wrighting till you sign in soo ill be waiting just fill out the info for your account and the cc is just for age verification ok… (spam url here) here it is just in case you didnt get it 🙂

davepoobond: who are you

davepoobond: who is your daddy and what does he do

janiekishiazg: ok babe im ready, were are you?? you sign up ???im wet and waiting lol literly lol

davepoobond: yes i did

davepoobond: show me that pussy

janiekishiazg: K bye , ill be waiting …xoxo

davepoobond: what do you mean

davepoobond: are you leaving

janiekishiazg: punch my kitten 😉

davepoobond: i thought you said you wanted to chat

janiekishiazg: k