Tag Archives: coffee

Jokes

Joke #9150

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John and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.

“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”

John says “Jeez, okay,” and gets up from his coffee.

The next day they’re sitting down with their morning cups of coffee and the weather forecast declares “There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.”

Again, John says “Jeez, okay,” and gets up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they’re sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast says, “There will be 6 to 9 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the – ”

Just then the power goes out and John doesn’t get the rest of the instructions.

He turns to Lena and says “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?”

Lena replies “Aw, John, why don’t you just leave the car in the garage today?”

Lists

Fun Stuff To Do

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– Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don’t, then punch them in the face.

– Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. Then after everyone gives you sympathy remarks tell them you were just kidding and tell them they are all a bunch of queers.

– Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard.  Then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you are hocking up a big loogie. then spit the custard into a clear glass and hand it to the person next to you and say “beat that.”

– Inform a co-worker that he wouldn’t make a good hooker then piss in his coffee and tell him he needs a good ass-fucking.

– Walk around with a big smile on your face while keeping one hand down your pants.

– Answer every question with “fuck if I know” then call the person a racial slur that doesn’t even match their race.

– Brag about the fact that you own a gun and keep playing with your nuts, get them really sweaty , then walk around shaking everyone’s hand.

– Shit on the floor of your office and when someone comes in and sees it tell them that it’s the fake plastic kind.  When they try to pick it up and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

– Run down the hall with your dick out while pissing all over the place and yell “It won’t stop!” then when it stops, look down and say “oh.”

10. ask to borrow someon’es pen. take it to the bathroom and stick it in your ass. return it and tell the person to smell it. when they tell you it smells like shit say ” it should i had it in my ass !! “

(C) Blonde Jokes, Jokes

Joke #5273

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There’s this blonde who walks into a convenience store. She picks up a thermos and asks the clerk, “What is this thing?” The clerk responds, “It’s a thermos. It keeps hot htings hot and cold things cold.”

“Neat,” says the blonde and buys the thermos. The next day she goes to work with her new thermos. A co-worker asks her, “I like your new thermos. What do you have in it?” She proudly says, “Two cups of coffee and a popsicle.”

Jokes

Joke #5212: Soup Du Jour

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A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, “What’s the special of the day?”

“Chili,” she says, “but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl.”

The man says he’ll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten.

“Are you going to eat your chili?” he asked.

“No, help yourself,” replied his neighbor.

The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chili. When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he puked the chili he had just eaten back into the bowl.

The man sitting next to him says, “Yeah, that’s as far as I got, too.”