camel toe – n. a vagina that is seen clearly through tight clothing
autogynephilia – n. sexual arousal from cross dressing
cuagau – n. a clothing rack with wheels on it
Are you confident? Answer the next 5 questions, and tally up your results at the end to see your fate.
If you scored 12-15, fuck you. No one likes a liar.
A score between 8-11 means you’re probably normal, but who are you really fooling?
If you score between 5-7, you’re low on the confidence scale. Don’t worry, it’ll only get worse from here on out. I could tell you all this sanctimonious bullshit about how it could get better, but really, you’re probably depressed and the only thing that will make you better are drugs. And lots of them.
If you scored less than 5, you’re probably already doing drugs.
I heard my wife mention one morning while getting ready for Church, “I sure need some new stockings.”
When she went into the bakery on the way home that afternoon, I spied a clothing store next door. So, I thought I would surprise her and went in to buy her some new stockings…
“Can I help you,” the saleslady asked.
“Yes, I would like to get some stockings for me wife please.”
“Sheer?” she asked.
“No, she’s not here,” I replied. “She’s next door at the bakery.”
My husband is always complaining about my inability to stay on a budget and about the costs of running the house in general. This has become worse since we have had the twins.
Everything is double, clothes, food, pediatrician bills. Lately, he has even been complaining about the amount of baby powder I have been using on the twins to prevent them from getting diaper rashes. I’ve had to remind him that…
talc is cheap.
Q: What kind of suit would you wear to a kangaroo wedding?
A: A jump suit.
Q: Where do lambs buy their clothes?
A: Lamb shops.
Q: Where do mother octopuses shop for clothes for their children?
A: Squids R Us.
A man walked into a laundry run by cats.
“Excuse me,” said the man to the cat in charge, “but can you get this milk stain out?”
“Don’t worry,” said the cat, “we’ll have it licked in a minute.”
Q: What kind of clothing would you find at a fire sale?
Q: What do athletic geniuses wear?
A: Think-tank tops.
Q: What kind of clothes do parachutists wear?
A: Jump suits.