Doctor Smith phoned Mike, his mechanic, in the middle of the night and said, “It’s my engine again, Mike. I can’t get it started. That car is one big headache!”
“Well, Doc, take two aspirin and phone me again in the morning.”
Tag Archives: car
Joke #12788
I have a friend who’s so rich, it’s disgusting! When his car runs out of gas, he throws it away and buys a new one.
Joke #12781
Used car salesmen never push their products because the people who buy them end up doing it for them.
Joke #12780
WIFE: “It’s outrageous that this tow truck driver is charging fifty dollars to tow us only two miles.”
HUSBAND: “Don’t worry, dear, he’s going to earn his pay. I have the brakes on.”
Joke #12726
They just opened up a place for aged, broken down Volkswagens. It’s an Old Volks Home.
Joke #12704
Did you ever notice that the car that you drive to work day in and day out decides to break down just before your vacation starts?
You Know You’re Getting Fat When…
Being a little overweight is okay. But you know you’re really getting fat when…
– your son plays cowboys and asks if he can use your belt as a lasso.
– your refrigerator handle wears out from overuse
– the shocks in your car wear out twice as fast as other people’s shocks.
– you sit on a metal bar stool and it becomes a metal foot stool when you get up.
– you stand in a room all alone and feel crowded.
– you have to walk through doors sideways.
– you stand on a curb and your stomach blocks traffic.
– you have to use a mirror in order to see your shoes.
– you drop money and don’t bother to bend over and pick it up unless it’s more than a quarter.
– you go for a stroll and the sidewalk creaks.
Joke #12580
DRIVING INSTRUCTOR: “Do you want to learn to drive in a hurry?”
STUDENT: “Yes, do you have a crash course?”
Joke #12565
My dog is so lazy, he only chases parked cars.
Joke #12542
These days people care more about the environment’s health than they do about their own. In most states cars aren’t allowed to smoke, but people are.
Joke #12538
Now I finally know what’s meant by the energy squeeze. Last week I joined a car pool and six of us drove to work in a Volkswagen.
You Know You’re Living In the Past If…
You know you’re living in the past if:
…You think children are to be seen and not heard.
…Detroit stopped making parts for your car ten years ago.
…The last time you went to the movies, they were still censoring people who kissed each other on the mouth.
…You think the most suggestive dance you ever saw is the Twist.
…You think the family car belongs to the parents.
…You think a picket line is a fence.
Your Blind Date is a Dud If…
If you’re a fellow who goes out on a lot of blind dates, you’ve got to beware of real duds. Your blind date is a dud if:
– She’s the kind of girl who uses too much perfume and not enough deodorant.
– She yells downstairs that she’ll be ready as soon as she finds her wig and false teeth.
– She sticks her bublegum behind her ear to kiss you hello.
– You have to stand on a chair to kiss her hello.
–
If you’re a girl who goes out on blind dates, you’ve got to beware of losers. Girls, your blind date is a loser if:
– He has more hair on his face than he does on his head.
– He picks the lock of your front door instead of knocking.
– He shows up driving a hearse.
– He asks you if you’d like something to drink and takes you to the water fountain in the park.
– He takes you to a fancy restaurant wearing a tee shirt with another girl’s picture printed on it.
– When he meets your parents, he picks a fight with them.
Joke #12456
With the severe gas shortages, Detroit is making economy models so small that when a new car hits a pedestrian, the car gets totaled, but all the pedestrian gets is a scraped knee.
Joke #12408
“The brakes are gone!” cried the wife. “I can’t stop the car. What should I do?”
Her husband beside her in the front seat said, “Keep calm and look for a cheap economy car.”
“Why bother to look for a cheap economy car?” she asked.
“Do you think I’m going to let you stop by crashing into a brand new luxury car?”