HUSBAND #1: “Is your wife having any success learning to drive?”
HUSBAND #2: “Some. Now the road is beginning to turn at the same time she decides to.”
Tag Archives: car
Joke #13259
HUSBAND #1: “How long did it take you to teach your wife how to drive?”
HUSBAND #2: “Oh, about three and a half cars.”
Joke #13242
PLAINTIFF: “Your Honor, the defendant drove down my street in his car, hit me and knocked me into some bushes twenty feet away. He’s guilty of reckless driving.”
DEFENDANT: “Maybe I am, Your Honor, but he’s guilty of leaving the scene of an accident.”
Joke #13143
My wife drove cross country in our car last summer and hit every small town from New York to Los Angeles. The accidents cost me a fortune.
Joke #13113
They say that flying is as safe as driving. Baloney! If anything goes wrong with your car, you don’t need a parachute to bail out.
Joke #13111
They say that airplanes are safer than automobiles because there are more car accidents than plane crashes. But how can anyone feel secure about that when airports sell life insurance and gas stations don’t?
Joke #13108
Flying is not as safe as driving. If your engine starts to sputter while driving, you just pull over to the curb, get out and check under the hood. What do you do if the engine starts to sputter while flying — the curb is 15,000 feet below!
Joke #13072
I’m not that coordinated. I can’t chew gum and drive a car at the same time.
Joke #13070
Our car engine coughed and sputtered a lot. My son, the whiz kid, tried to fix it by filling the radiator with cough medicine.
Joke #13059
With luck like mine, if I were on the road to success, I’d probably end up totaling my car.
Joke #13041
Nobody cares what happens to me. I’m the only pedestrian in New York with a license to jaywalk.
Joke #12988
A rumor is like a used car. To find out how far it will go, the first thing you have to do is get it started.
Joke #12985
This has to be the nuttiest of nutty taxi driver stories. One day, a man jumps in his cab and shouts, “Quick! Follow that car.”
And the nutty taxi driver hops out of the cab and runs after the car.
Joke #12974
Q: What happens to dogs who chase cars?
A: They end up exhausted.
Joke #12877
Two old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years met one day.
The first man asked, “How’s everything, Jimmy?”
His friend answered. “Not so hot. My wife ran off with a vacuum salesman. My son was arrested for stealing cars, and my daughter is in the hospital with two broken legs. Besides that, I’m turning gray, my teeth have to be yanked out tomorrow, and my dog died yesterday.”
His friend shook his head and said, “Golly! That’s very sad. By the way, what business are you in, Jimmy?”
“I sell good luck charms!”