Sister: Why did you put that lamp in your bed?
Brother: I’m a light sleeper!
Sister: Why did you put that lamp in your bed?
Brother: I’m a light sleeper!
Mother: Why are you taking that hammer to bed?
Bob: I want to hit the hay!
Polly: Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
Robin: I just had lunch and I don’t want to swim on a full stomach.
Gary: Earlier today I caught a jellyfish.
Sarah: Really? What flavor?
Julie: Why are you running?
Ben: I’m trying to stop a fight.
Julie: Between whom?
Ben: Between me and the guy who’s chasing me!
Shelley: How many famous people were born in Detroit?
Martin: I don’t know. How many?
Shelley: None – only babies!
Carl: Gee, it’s dark out tonight, isn’t it?
Christy: I don’t know. I can’t see.
Brother: Why are you taking that ruler to bed with you?
Sister: I want to see how long I sleep!
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Another version of this joke:
Q: Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?
A: To see how long he slept.
Steve: What’s five Q plus five Q?
Connie: Ten Q.
Steve: You’re welcome.
Ray: The hissing snakes slithered in the grass. How many s’s in that?
Bob: Uh…seven?
Ray: No. There aren’t any s’s in THAT!
The ones you’re always tripping over when you’re trying to do your homework, and the ones who can’t be found anywhere when you feel like a game of catch!
The ones who think it’s hilarious to pick up the phone extension and hiccup while you’re talking to a friend!
The ones who borrow your best white sweater, and when they return it, it’s your best black sweater!
The ones who can’t explain how peanut butter got in your hairbrush!
The ones who can’t explain how your hairbrush got into their room.
The ones who keep their rooms clean and as neat as a pin because they spend all their time in yours!
The ones who think it’s fun to tease you all day long about your new haircut. Then when you tease them back, they cry!
The ones you have to find a bathroom for when there isn’t a bathroom within twenty miles!
The ones who somehow can’t find anything else to do but sit next to you when your friends come over!
The ones who have no idea how all those grasshoppers got under your pillow!
The ones who, whenever your friends come over, think it’s a riot to call you by your totally embarrassing middle name.
The ones who eat the last slice of chocolate cake when you’ve had your eye on it for hours!
The ones who save their allowance until it adds up to a fortune, while you’ve spent every penny you ever had!
The ones who magically become invisible when someone has to walk the dog on a rainy day.
The ones who don’t get caught making silly faces at the dinner table.
The ones who always know how to make you laugh when you’re drinking so that you get a quart of milk up your nose!
The ones who want to watch reruns of Gilligan’s Island when you want to watch the baseball play-offs.
Lucy: Don’t you think my voice has improved?
Holly: Yes, it’s improved. But it’s not cured yet!
Tom: I wish you’d sing solo.
Laura: Solo?
Tom: So low I couldn’t hear you! Ha ha!
Laura: Not funny! Have you ever heard yourself sing? You should sing tenor.
Tom: Tenor?
Laura: Ten or twelve miles away!
Chris: How are your violin lessons going?
Liz: Very well. I’ve already mastered the first steps.
Chris: I thought you were supposed to play the violin with your hands!
Sister: Well, how are you doing with that electronic drum set that you got for Christmas?
Brother: Great. It’s the most wonderful present I ever got.
Sister: Why’s that?
Brother: Dad pays me two dollars a week not to play it.