SERGEANT: “Tell me, soldier, what is the first thing you do when cleaning a rifle?”
PRIVATE: “I take a look at the serial number.”
SERGEANT: “Why do you look at the number, meathead?”
PRIVATE: “To make darn sure I’m cleaning my own rifle.”
Joke #12090
A very wealthy young man was drafted into the Army. When he sat down to his first meal, he took one look at the food on his plate and asked, “Don’t I get any choice?”
The mess sergeant shouted, “Sure you do. Eat it or don’t eat it.”
Joke #12089
A kid was shining shoes when he took a look at a sailor’s size 16 shoes. He yelled to another shoeshine boy, “Hey, Bobby, come over and help me. I just got a Navy contract!”
Joke #12088
Every war makes a soldier change nearly all of his ideas, except his opinions of the officers.
Joke #12087
Did you hear about the dumb chef who joined the submarine service because he wanted to learn how to make sandwiches?
Joke #12086
An Air Force fighter pilot radioed the tower the following: “Pilot to tower. Plane on fire. Almost out of fuel and I’m over the ocean 75 miles out at 900 feet. Radio me instructions. What should I do?”
To which the tower replied: “Base to pilot. Repeat after me …. Our Father, who art in heaven ….”
Joke #12085
GENERAL: “Soldier, why didn’t you salute me? Do you know what this star on my shoulder means?”
ROOKIE: “Yep! It means you did good in school today.”
Joke #12084
REPORTER (to general): “What about this weapon you have? Can you tell us about it?”
GENERAL: “It’s the X-nine machine gun. it shoots a hundred rounds a minute, which is faster than my wife can talk.”
Joke #12083
OVERHEARD: “I’ll tell you how old the first sergeant is. He knew General Custer when he was only corporal.”
Joke #12082
Back from a 20-mile hike, one GI said to another, “My feet are barking so much, they sound like feeding time in the dog pound.”
The other soldier nodded slowly. “Mine too. Whoever said an Army travels on it’s stomach had a poor judgment of anatomy.”
Joke #12081
A gal was out with a soldier when she pointed to the stripe on his arm and asked, “What does P.F.C. mean?”
The soldier answered, “Praying For Civilians.”
Joke #12080
SAILOR ONE: “What would you do if you were the admiral?”
SAILOR TWO: “I would sell all the ships, fire all you guys, and move to Death Valley so I wouldn’t have to see water anymore.”
Joke #12079
Did you hear about the egotistical sailor who had “I Love Me” tattooed on his arm?
Joke #12078
A soldier was back home after spending nine months in the Army. His mother asked, “How is the food in the Army?”
Her son replied, “Real bad, Mom. Why some times I could only go back for seconds.”
Joke #12077
CAPTAIN: “Private, you were supposed to be back from your furlough two weeks ago. What happened?”
PRIVATE: “It was such a nice day I decided to walk.”