Times have changed. Years ago, to get on the good side of his teacher, a kid would bring her an apple. Today he brings her a gallon of gas.
Joke #12623
The teacher of a Sunday Bible class asked a student, “Tom, why was Goliath surprised when David hit him with a stone?”
Tom answered, “Because such a thing had never entered his head before!”
Joke #12622
TEACHER: “Can someone tell us why they hung that painting?”
STUDENT: “Because they couldn’t find the artist?”
Tongue Twisters
– Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
– Seventy sailors sailed seven swift ships.
– Joe jumps joyfully in June and July.
– Davy Dear ducks Dinah Dear daily.
– Fast Freddie Frog fries fat flying fish.
– Hairy Harry Hartley hurries home.
– Slippery southern snakes slide swiftly down ski slopes.
– Billy Bunny burst his big beautiful blue balloon.
– Fran fans Fred frantically.
– Fast Frank fries frankfurters and french fries.
– How many bagels could a Beagle bake if a Beagle could bake bagels?
– Seven silly skunks sighed sadly.
– Little Linda Lamb licks her lovely lips.
– “Shoot, Sally,” Slim Sam shouted shyly.
– Wee Willy whistles to wise Wilber Whale.
Joke #12619
BOXER (to manager after he lost fight): “You have to get me a re-match. Then you’ll see some real fighting — I’ll kill you.”
Joke #12618
A college athlete told a friend: “Martha is a great tennis player with a powerful backhand. Last night at the drive-in movie, I tried to kiss her, and she slapped me four times.”
Joke #12617
GOLFER: “I am certainly not playing my usual game today.”
CADDY: “What game is that?”
Joke #12616
I wonder if you could call what a pro bowler makes, pin money?
Joke #12615
A little boy went fishing with his uncle. After about an hour without catching a fish, the boy said, “Hey, Unc, you better take out your fishing license and show it to the fish.”
Joke #12614
I read in the papers about a Mid-West college football player who stands 6 foot 9 and weighs 465 pounds. His doctor put him on a diet. Now he can only eat one cow a day.
Joke #12613
A handicapped golfer is one who plays with his boss.
Joke #12612
A fighter’s manager said to his beat-up boxer between rounds, “he’s killing you, Rocky!”
Rocky answered, “I know. I should have belted him before the fight when there was only one of him!”
Joke #12611
Two gals were in a restaurant when one said, “How was your date with that hockey player last night?”
The other gasped, “It was for the birds. I won’t say he was ugly, but his hockey mask looked better than he did.”
Joke #12610
The reporter was interviewing the seven-foot-tall basketball player for his newspaper. He asked, “What is the hardest thing you have to do each day?”
The basketball star replied, “I guess it’s tying my shoes.”
Joke #12609
MAN: “How many slopes did they have at the ski resort you went to?”
WOMAN: “Three… Beginners, Intermediate and Call-An-Ambulance!”