Why is it that you always remember the real reason you wrote a letter in the first place after you’ve already sealed the envelope?
Joke #12699
Being here is as much fun as hugging a cactus.
You Know You’re Getting Fat When…
Being a little overweight is okay. But you know you’re really getting fat when…
– your son plays cowboys and asks if he can use your belt as a lasso.
– your refrigerator handle wears out from overuse
– the shocks in your car wear out twice as fast as other people’s shocks.
– you sit on a metal bar stool and it becomes a metal foot stool when you get up.
– you stand in a room all alone and feel crowded.
– you have to walk through doors sideways.
– you stand on a curb and your stomach blocks traffic.
– you have to use a mirror in order to see your shoes.
– you drop money and don’t bother to bend over and pick it up unless it’s more than a quarter.
– you go for a stroll and the sidewalk creaks.
Joke #12697
Guy: “Would you like to dance?”
Girl: “I don’t care for this song and surely wouldn’t dance with you.”
Guy: “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.”
Joke #12695
Everybody in school thought I’d grow up to be a famous comedian. They voted me the person most likely to be laughed at.
Joke #12694
We’re so poor that when we have soup and sandwiches for supper, we can’t even afford the sandwiches.
Joke #12693
I guess I’ll always be a second-class citizen. If everybody in the world were beautiful butterflies, I’d be a lowly moth.
Joke #12692
I’m so unpopular that even if I changed my name to “Occupant,” I bet I still wouldn’t get any mail.
Joke #12691
I’m the only student in the world who graduated from college Summa Cum Default.
Joke #12690
Nobody likes me. For my high school yearbook photo, they made me wear a bag over my head.
Joke #12689
I’m so poor, I’m the only guy in town with a wash-and-wear tuxedo.
Joke #12688
I got the hiccups the other day at work, and some wiseguy told me I could cure them by holding my breath and counting to a million.
Joke #12687
The people in my home town are so poor that the statue of our local hero in the park is made out of toothpicks glued together.
Joke #12686
Love may not make the world spin round, but it certainly makes a lot of people dizzy.
Joke #12685
Isn’t it ironic that doing things that you’re not supposed to do is always fun?