SNOB #1: “My ancestors came over on the Mayflower.”
SNOB #2: “Tut! Tut! My ancestors owned the Mayflower.”
Joke #12896
OVERHEARD IN A HOLLYWOOD STUDIO: “My last movie made over 35 million dollars. One million on admissions and 34 million on the popcorn!”
Joke #12895
GAL (to her boss): “Mr. Stanley, my mother told me to ask you for a raise.”
MR. STANLEY: “Okay, I’ll ask my mother if I may give you one.”
Joke #12894
GAL (to office boy carrying a large stack of paper): “What’s all that, Charlie?”
CHARLIE: “These are memos from the boss telling us to cut down on using too much paper!”
Joke #12893
PERSONNEL DIRECTOR: “I want you to know, Mr. Vummer, for this job we want someone who is responsible.”
MR. VUMMER: “That’s me. On my last job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Joke #12892
FIRST WORKER: “You mean to say you lost your last job because the weather didn’t agree with you? What type of work did you do?”
SECOND WORKER: “I was a TV weather forecaster.”
Joke #12891
“What kind of work do you do?”
“My boss says it’s sloppy.”
Joke #12890
Gal at desk of fellow worker: “I’m taking up a collection to buy a larger collection box!”
Joke #12889
Overheard in a large office: “I have to ask for a raise. My take-home pay doesn’t even make it halfway home now!”
Joke #12888
CLERK #1: “Do you file your nails?”
CLERK #2: “No, I just throw them away!”
Joke #12887
My last girlfriend was so skinny, she could use a billiard cue case as a sleeping bag.
Joke #12886
If people always laugh at you when you’re a kid, it means one of two things. Either you’re going to grow up to be a comedian or you’re very funny-looking.
Joke #12885
Did you hear the one about the dumb politician who declined to run for Congress because he wasn’t into jogging?
Joke #12884
When it comes to people’s looks, beauty is only skin deep, but ugliness goes all the way to the bone.
Joke #12883
A gal looked her blind date up and down and said, “I’d like you better if you were tall, dark and handsome.”
The blind date looked her up and down and replied, “If I were tall, dark and handsome, I wouldn’t be out with you!”