There was a paramedic who bungled so many emergencies that people referred to his first aid as “lemon aid.”
Joke #12912
It wouldn’t be economically practical for doctors to come up with a miracle vitamin that would keep people healthy all of their lives. Then who would need doctors?
Joke #12911
“Yesterday I saw a dental hygienist having a fight with a manicurist over a doctor.”
“I’ll be they were battling tooth and nail.”
Joke #12910
I know a kid who is so bad in school, his teacher made him stand in the dunce corner so many times, he has a triangular forehead.
Joke #12909
I know a man who is so fat, he casts two shadows.
Joke #12908
I know a man who is so dumb, the only thing that can stay in his head for more than a day is a cold.
Joke #12907
“My boyfriend is too materialistic,” Sandy complained to Sue. “He only loves me because I’m beautiful.”
“Then why don’t you break up with the creep?” Sue suggested.
“What!” cried Sandy. “And blow a chance at marrying the richest guy in town!”
Joke #12906
OVERHEARD: “My wife not only has kept her girlish figure, she has doubled it.”
Joke #12905
Did you hear about the crook who’s so ugly, the post office refused to put up his wanted pictures on the wall?
Joke #12904
Did you hear about the man who is so skinny, he’s a model for pipe cleaners?
Joke #12903
Did you hear about the bow-legged man who married a knock-kneed woman? When they stand together they spell out the word, “OX.”
Joke #12902
A bachelor was finding it hard to decide whether he should marry a very beautiful but stupid girl or a rather plain-looking creature who was blessed with a magnificent voice. Art triumphed. He married the soprano.
The morning after the nuptials he woke up, took one look at his sleeping bride, nudged her and shrieked, “For heaven’s sake, sing!”
Joke #12900
It’s very confusing nowadays to see boys looking like girls, with the long hair and pocketbooks and even earrings. I was sitting in a restaurant when a girl came in and turned to the person at the next table and said, “Isn’t it awful how boys look like girls these days?”
“That’s my son,” she said, pointing to the girl.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were the mother.”
“I’m not,” the answer came indignantly. “I’m the father!”
Joke #12899
There was a girl who dropped her diver boyfriend because she couldn’t get him to give her a pearl out of an oyster. So she started dating older gentlemen and ended up getting a diamond out of an old crab.
Joke #12898
ACTRESS: “My husband wants a divorce.”
AGENT: “What do you think you should do?”
ACTRESS: “I really don’t know what to do. My psychiatrist is away on a vacation.”