Joke #1: They Beat Me

There’s a kid in divorce court, and the judge asks the kid, “Who do you want to live with?”

The kid says, “Neither.”

The judge asks, “why?”

The kid says, “because they beat me!”

Then the judge asks, “Who do you want to live with?”

The kid says, “The Chicago Bears, because they don’t beat anyone!”

Another variation of this joke:

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court. Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.

When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said “No, I can’t live with Poppa bear, he beats me terribly.”

“Okay,” said the judge, “Then you want to live with your mother, right?”

“No way!” replied baby bear, “She beats me worse than Poppa bear does.”

The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn’t quite know what to do. “Well, you have to live with someone, so are there any relatives you would like to stay with?”

“Yes,” answered baby bear, “my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago.”

“You’re sure she will treat you well and won’t beat you?” asked the judge.

“Oh certainly,” said baby bear, “The Chicago Bears don’t beat anybody.”

#8: BAA -> OddiZ

BAA: hello how ar eu tonight im from york area can i ask ur a/l/s

OddiZ: 16/f/pa

BAA: hows ur night

OddiZ: boring

OddiZ: how about u?

BAA: same alittle in asexy mood is that ok

OddiZ: yeah

OddiZ: are u

OddiZ: not really, I am just tired, that’s all

OddiZ: want to suck my dick?

OddiZ: I’m waiting

OddiZ: fine then, donkey dick

OddiZ: i will go n play with mr slave

BAA: what

OddiZ: ta ta

#7: AWSSkater -> SheMaleHo

AWSSkater: i need a new one

SheMaleHo: your “Moo Moo’s” a fag!!!

SheMaleHo: i killed it and nailed it to a crucifix!!!

AWSSkater: FAGGOT

AWSSkater: are you talking to cait?

SheMaleHo: then i barbequed it

SheMaleHo: no

SheMaleHo: im watching you

AWSSkater: ask her why it keeps saying i cant talk to her

SheMaleHo: whA?

SheMaleHo: i can see you out my window…

AWSSkater: cool

AWSSkater: what am i doing

SheMaleHo: i nailed “Moo Moo’s” head on the hood of my car

AWSSkater: what room am i in

SheMaleHo: theone with the computer

SheMaleHo: am i right?

AWSSkater: yes

AWSSkater: and what room is that

SheMaleHo: the one with the keyboard in it

SheMaleHo: it also has a door

SheMaleHo: am i right?

AWSSkater: caits name doesnt work anymore

SheMaleHo: your house is brown

AWSSkater: yes

AWSSkater: you cheated

SheMaleHo: and its on a corner

AWSSkater: you cheated again

SheMaleHo: your upstairs

SheMaleHo: your typing from your bed

AWSSkater: yes

AWSSkater: you’re still cheating

SheMaleHo: you have long black hair

SheMaleHo: ooooh you look so nice

AWSSkater: anything else you’d like to add

AWSSkater: when is my birthday?

SheMaleHo: im gonna feel you….

SheMaleHo: i dont know, i can just see you

AWSSkater: what color is my shirt

SheMaleHo: you know what color it is

AWSSkater: yes, but do you

SheMaleHo: of course! i can see you silly

SheMaleHo: oooh im taking off my pants to look at you

AWSSkater: you’re gay

SheMaleHo: you got it! :-*

AWSSkater: wow

AWSSkater: im right

SheMaleHo: i wish you had no shirt

SheMaleHo: 😛

AWSSkater: but i do

AWSSkater: ask cait why i cant talk to her, i know you can

SheMaleHo: i know

SheMaleHo: i can?

AWSSkater: unless this is her in disguise

AWSSkater: she tricked me like that before, you know

AWSSkater: well she didnt trick me

SheMaleHo: this isnt a trick

AWSSkater: i knew it was her

SheMaleHo: take off your shirt

SheMaleHo: oh c’mon

AWSSkater: um…

AWSSkater: no?

SheMaleHo: my pants are already off, dont waste my time

AWSSkater: im back, ugly

SheMaleHo: i like it when you talk dirty

AWSSkater: oh

AWSSkater: okay

SheMaleHo: say it again

AWSSkater: okay

SheMaleHo: Cryin’ Ryan

AWSSkater: shutup

AWSSkater: Trunks Briefs

SheMaleHo: Cryyyyyyyin’ Ryyyyyyyyan

AWSSkater: ho

SheMaleHo: oooh, Briefs, you wear briefs?

AWSSkater: no actually i wear boxers

AWSSkater: either you keep asking cait stuff or you are her in disguise,
which is it

SheMaleHo: disquise?

SheMaleHo: ooooh kinky, role playing

AWSSkater: what?

SheMaleHo: ok, ill me the bad dog and you be my master, discipline me

AWSSkater: um…

AWSSkater: go in the corner while i piss on your head

SheMaleHo: soooo kinky

AWSSkater: you’re weird

SheMaleHo: lemme get the whip and handcuffs

AWSSkater: that would be okay if you were female, but you arent

AWSSkater: as far as i know

SheMaleHo: y’know, i have a dog, i can bring him over with some whipped cream and peanut butter

AWSSkater: that’s okay

SheMaleHo: we can be a sandwich!

AWSSkater: no

SheMaleHo: well…still want my thong?

AWSSkater: what?

AWSSkater: you scare me

SheMaleHo: im going to throw my purple thong at your window, catch it

AWSSkater: k

SheMaleHo: wait, ill keep them

SheMaleHo: theyre edible

AWSSkater: k

SheMaleHo: and im hungry

AWSSkater: lol

AWSSkater: how many dogs do i have>

AWSSkater: ?

SheMaleHo: oh, Caaiiiiite

AWSSkater: shutup

SheMaleHo: OMG!!! shes flashing me again!

AWSSkater: shutup

SheMaleHo: theres a sign

SheMaleHo: it says….I…..want….you….Ch…whats that?

SheMaleHo: her boob is blocking it

AWSSkater: what?

SheMaleHo: Ch….r….i…damn nipple

SheMaleHo: Chris!

SheMaleHo: me!

AWSSkater: shutup

SheMaleHo: whats the matter Cryin’ Ryan

SheMaleHo: jealous?

AWSSkater: nothing of that sort is happening so it doesnt matter

SheMaleHo: it is

AWSSkater: riiiiigggghhhht, and my name is blowjob

SheMaleHo: oooooooooh sexy

AWSSkater: hey

AWSSkater: no

SheMaleHo: come over to my place, my nickname is…snoow blow

AWSSkater: LOL

AWSSkater: how many cats do i have

SheMaleHo: lemme count

SheMaleHo: hmmmm

SheMaleHo: hmmm

SheMaleHo: not counting the one i nailed to a crucufix…1…

SheMaleHo: Moo moo and Mickey

SheMaleHo: or Kittie

SheMaleHo: whatever

AWSSkater: what color is mickey

SheMaleHo: ummm…

AWSSkater: lol

SheMaleHo: Dark brown…and black striped

SheMaleHo: Ewwww, whats that scab on his head?

AWSSkater: scap is a funny word

SheMaleHo: so is homo…oh wait

AWSSkater: here is a tough question

AWSSkater: where is my birthmark

SheMaleHo: take off all your clothes first

SheMaleHo: i think i see it on your…wait…im to distracted by Caites boob

SheMaleHo: wait…its on…your arm i think

SheMaleHo: am i right?

AWSSkater: yeah

AWSSkater: where

SheMaleHo: Caite…

AWSSkater: what

SheMaleHo: nipple

SheMaleHo: nipple

AWSSkater: boobie

SheMaleHo: nipple

AWSSkater: boobie

SheMaleHo: y’know…im actually…your uncle

SheMaleHo: your long lost uncle

SheMaleHo: and im attracted to you….im a hillbilly

AWSSkater: ::says in a hillbilly accent:: get on yer knees and take down them suspender boy!!

SheMaleHo: Ok sailor!!!

AWSSkater: lol

AWSSkater: or are you a female

AWSSkater: im not sure

SheMaleHo: well lets see….im your uncle!! so could i be male…or female

AWSSkater: lol

AWSSkater: im messing around

SheMaleHo: want some weed from your ol’ uncle?

SheMaleHo: its the herb of the earth

AWSSkater: i hate drugs

SheMaleHo: the herb will set your mind free!, man!!!

AWSSkater: so will spinning around in circles

SheMaleHo: so is doing anal…

AWSSkater: weird

SheMaleHo: you..think anal is weird?

SheMaleHo: obviously youve never tried it

SheMaleHo: come over to my house

SheMaleHo: its the pink frilly one on fudgepacker avenue

AWSSkater: i dont pack fudge

AWSSkater: im not a poopie dick

AWSSkater: by the way, how do you see my room with the curtain closed

SheMaleHo: im your uncle…Clark Kent, i have X-ray Vision

AWSSkater: clark kent doesnt have X-ray vision

SheMaleHo: who would know better? Clark Kent or you Cryin’ Ryan?

AWSSkater: who would know what better

SheMaleHo: who would know better if i had X-ray vision?

SheMaleHo: to tell you a secret, Im superman

SheMaleHo: doesnt it all make sense?

AWSSkater: yeah, but clark kent doesnt have x-ray vision only superman

SheMaleHo: i live in the country, so im a hilbilly, i wear redish tights
so i must have a purple thong SOMEWHERE, and i can see through your curtains

AWSSkater: so that makes you very weird

SheMaleHo: im a hillbilly and i have a shotgun

AWSSkater: what color is the bracelet im wearing

SheMaleHo: hmmmm

SheMaleHo: X-ray visios is kinda color blind but lemme try

AWSSkater: okay

SheMaleHo: its kinda silver…

SheMaleHo: with a purplish tint

SheMaleHo: am i right?

AWSSkater: yes

AWSSkater: actaully pink

AWSSkater: what color are my eyes

SheMaleHo: hmmmm

SheMaleHo: purple…right?

AWSSkater: no

SheMaleHo: oh wait, i was staring at Caites nipple again, sorry

SheMaleHo: brown

AWSSkater: lol

AWSSkater: what color is my real hair

SheMaleHo: hmmmm

SheMaleHo: medium brown

SheMaleHo: just like your pubes…i mean!! your…

AWSSkater: lol

AWSSkater: now you wont know stuff, cait signed off

SheMaleHo: she was online?

AWSSkater: maybe

SheMaleHo: puuuubes

SheMaleHo: nipple

SheMaleHo: Cryin’ Ryan

AWSSkater: that was an old nickname, you dont have to call me that anymore

SheMaleHo: im related to the king of Bahrain

AWSSkater: hey

AWSSkater: i know him

AWSSkater: the poo guy

SheMaleHo: Clark Kents, the hillbilly, purple thong wearing, attracted to his nephew cryin Ryan, prince of Bahrain

AWSSkater: hehe

AWSSkater: so you know the poo guy too

AWSSkater: thats probably you

SheMaleHo: oh yes

SheMaleHo: hes a VERY good freind

AWSSkater: the guy i beat with a wifflle ball bat

SheMaleHo: why did you do that?

SheMaleHo: hes the king of Bahrain!

SheMaleHo: you cant do that to him!!!

AWSSkater: but i did

SheMaleHo: this is an outrage! you must come to my house for your….punishment :Þ

AWSSkater: where do you live then

SheMaleHo: Bahrain but a ihave a house…near you

AWSSkater: where is that

SheMaleHo: its right next to Saudi Arabia, its too small to be on the map anyway

AWSSkater: that’s pretty far away

SheMaleHo: 600 people live there

AWSSkater: lol

#6: angelina -> Mugen Guy

angelina: Hi, would you like to chat?

Mugen Guy: ok

Mugen Guy: indeed

angelina: I’m 20/F/CA 🙂

Mugen Guy: im19/m/cali

angelina: might have to run, do you want to see my pics?

Mugen Guy: are you in track?

angelina: alright no problem have a good one, check out my profile if you want!

Mugen Guy: good one what

angelina: bye

Mugen Guy: i want to see your pics not your profile you dumb broad

Mugen Guy: fine then bleotch later

Gunpey (PSP) Review

Developer: Q Entertainment / Publisher: Namco Bandai Games || Overall: 8.5/10

Q Entertainment kindled a puzzle-loving flame that was deep inside me. For some reason, combining puzzle action with electronic music made me a puzzle fan in short manner after years of being very impartial towards them. After getting my fill of Lumines and Lumines II, something new needed to fill up the large gaps in my life with no puzzle game to play. That’s where Gunpey stepped in. Based on Gunpei Yokoi’s original Gunpey on the WonderSwan, Q has taken the liberty of enhancing the formula to integrate its crazy backgrounds and electronic music that is seemingly trademark of the company’s puzzle games.

The basic concept of Gunpey is quite simple. The goal is to clear lines that appear on the grid by connecting them from the left side of the grid to the right side. Pieces at the bottom of the screen randomly appear at varying speeds and quantities that can and will throw kinks into your plans of obtaining all forty skins that are included in the game. You’re not restricted to just making lines, however. From the four different lines that make up the Gunpey puzzle, you can create shapes, long zig-zagging lines, and anything else that you can think of.

While the concept of Gunpey is simple enough, the actual difficulty can go from a breeze to a hurricane in a matter of minutes. The main game’s Challenge mode progresses by changing skins – a combination of background and music – and by digression, unlocking the skins you play through. The ever-present goal that is presented in Challenge mode is to unlock all the skins and beat your previous high scores. Skins in Challenge mode have a very untraditional progression as far as difficulty goes. The first three skins are very easy to complete, but after a predetermined amount of skins, you’ll always hit a really obscurely hard skin that will kick your ass if you don’t pay enough attention to what’s happening on the grid. After you get through a “hard” skin, the game will slow down again, as if it’s giving you a rest from what just happened. This pattern of progression is similar to what happens throughout the game, except the little “breaks” you might have are very relative according to which level you’re on. This game is merciless when it comes down to it. If you don’t keep on your toes, a line you didn’t see could pass into the top squares and before you know it, you lose all your progress. It is very disconcerting when you’re eighteen skins in, and all of a sudden lose, knowing that you’re barely even halfway through while questioning your ability.

While Challenge mode is the “main” game, Gunpey offers many different types of modes that will keep the game’s formula fresh and challenging for quite a while. There are modes to play with two skins at the same time, an oversized Gunpey grid, and Ad Hoc multiplayer. The selection of different spins on Gunpey is a very nice addition to break up the frustration of Challenge mode.

While Gunpey is a very well put together title, there are a few grievances that affect the overall sentiment. For one, skins take way too long to complete. Compared to Lumines and Lumines II, Gunpey’s skins take at least twice as long to complete, typically around five minutes. It can be quite nerve-racking if you’re trying to power through and experience all the skins, which I’m still not able to do. Another annoying aspect is the absence of any option of auto-saving. Being a major proponent of auto-saving, I found it quite unfortunate that a game like Gunpey does not have it. A somewhat interesting, and very annoying, design choice occurs after you complete a line. If you’re moving a piece just as a line disappears, the game will stop responding to any of your button pushes for a small increment of time. When it comes to a fast-thinking game like Gunpey, it is a big oversight and needless restriction. Unless that’s part of the game’s intentional difficulty, which it doesn’t feel like, it’s just plain annoying.

Gunpey is definitely not the most complex puzzle game I’ve experienced, but it is certainly a great addition to the PSP’s library when all is said and done. Gunpey is another example of how well the PSP plays puzzle games, especially ones that are audio and visual-intensive. I can only hope that Q Entertainment keeps rolling with more unique puzzlers like Gunpey.

Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2 (PS2) Review

Developer: CyberConnect2 Corp. / Publisher: Namco Bandai Games || Overall: 8.0/10

Crossover synergy licensing is one of Namco Bandai Games’ keys to success. Well, when they find the right key that is. In the case of Naruto, they’ve definitely unlocked one of those doors. The popular anime on Cartoon Network has garnered quite a large fan base, so much so that they have games coming out on every console from separate licensees. Namco Bandai has the exclusive PS2 license, and their fighting game sequel, Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2, is a special sort of game that will definitely appeal to fans of the series. But if you’re an outsider to the series, unless you put some major resolve into it you might not find as much enjoyment as what was intended.

The simplest way that I can describe Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2 is that it’s a Super Smash Bros. game with all Naruto characters. All the battles are one-on-one, however, only because it’s more of a traditional fighting game in that one sense. That is about all that is conventional about Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2. It’s just one of those games that before you understand what could be going on, you’ll be screaming some words that shouldn’t be heard by anyone under the age of 12. I guess if you watch the TV show (I never have, personally) you’ll understand that the way battles go on are pretty crazy, with people just disappearing and reappearing right behind you, long “special” attacks, ninja stars, the works. This game is crazier than any DBZ game you may have played and then some. I understand a lot about DBZ, but Naruto left me completely perplexed for the first two hours of play time, just trying to get a hang of the battle system and the constant switching of characters through the single player mode.

There are multiple ways to play Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2. There is the one-on-one Vs. Duel mode, where you can compete against a friend or against the computer. You’ll be on your way to an endless amount of battles if you choose to do so. The characters for that mode are unlocked in the other mode: a short single player story that felt like an episode of Naruto. I got to the credits in five hours, but there was still extra story afterwards. Your mileage may vary here, depending on how well you fight against the insane difficulty of the computer. I whined a lot while playing about ’How can they do that?’ Throughout the story you will fight as different characters from the show, not just Naruto, which is a mixed blessing. First, it’ll give you some variety, but also it can be hard to master any one character’s abilities. As you play through the single player mode, you’ll unlock more characters to play in the Vs. Duel mode, as well as gain the ability to customize characters to have higher attack, more speed, or what have you. There are also special missions where you can travel around town and find someone that needs help achieving a special goal. It can take anywhere from five minutes to an hour and be as simple as a normal battle or just fighting with your long range weaponry.

Every time you fight, no matter which mode you’re in, you’ll get money based on all the moves and stuff you did in said fight if you win. The money will accumulate as you play through all the different fights. What you can spend money on is mostly stuff that you would only enjoy if you like the TV show. There are videos of all the special moves each character has to offer, model statues, Ninja cards (pictures of characters and such), and a few other things. Not only that, but most of what’s there is really freakin’ expensive, so you’ll be playing a long time before you have enough money to buy all of it. Couple that with some “overall game” goals, such as unlocking all characters, fighting each one three times in Duel mode, and so on, and you’ve got yourself a meaty game if you don’t get sick of playing by the time that all happens. At least each time you play, it will actually go towards something when all is said and done.

As far as graphics and sound go, they are pretty much in-line with how the TV show is (I’ve caught at least one episode on TV since I started playing the game). The game is in English, so if you don’t like the English Naruto voices, sorry. The graphics do their part in making the game seem exactly like the anime with cel-shading. It gives the game a sharp look and makes any jaggies essentially disappear, like most cel-shading games seem to do. Loading is not a huge problem, although there are load screens every time the disc is hit (no subtle background loading here). Speaking of not being exactly subtle, there is no auto-save which is bad for a fighting game since it breaks up the game in an unnecessary way. Since I played the game on the PlayStation 3, save times were very short, but if you’re on the PlayStation 2, it might take longer.

Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2 is a great game for fans of the series, and fans of the first game. If you like the anime and fighting games, this could hold a special place in your heart, as it isn’t a bad anime to game conversion as I see it. The game itself is solid, and is through and through about the anime it is portraying. CyberConnect 2 did a fine job in the development of the game.

.hack//G.U. Vol. 1: Rebirth (PS2) Review

Developer: CyberConnect2 Corp. / Publisher: Namco Bandai Games || Overall: 9.0/10

The .hack franchise is back for more, and does it ever impress! Namco Bandai Games’ CyberConnect 2 has breathed new life into the faux-MMORPG series with .hack//G.U. Vol.1//Rebirth. More than simply being “reborn,” .hack//G.U. takes all the strengths of the experiences of .hack//Infection, Mutation, Outbreak, and Quarantine; it expands on their concept and rolls it all into a package that is one of the best RPG experiences I’ve had in a long time. The almost masterful retooling has reminded me what made the original .hack games so appealing.

As with the previous .hack games, you play a game within a game. Called “The World,” it is an MMORPG played by people in the relatively near future of 2015 when online gaming and the Internet rule everyday lives. As always, there is controversy awry about The World and its impact on its youth. Taking place seven years after the events of the originals, this time around the story follows a The World legend known as Haseo, The Terror of Death, known for killing player killers. Haseo is distraught by the loss of someone he grew very close to to the mysterious player known as Tri-Edge. Tri-Edge has the appearance of Kite from the first four games, but something is obviously not kosher with the way the character looks or acts. Is Tri-Edge a player or a computer program? “Who is Tri-Edge?” is a revolving theme in the first volume of .hack//G.U. The story is presented in more of a traditional mystery with less “weirdness” than what was seen in the previous four. Less symbolism and underlying meanings are required to be understood, and because of all this, the story progresses at a nice pace that is more similar to how an anime might play out rather than a game that has all the time in the world to explain things, especially with two sequels coming up right after it.

As you progress, new gameplay elements are slowly introduced at a somewhat consistent pace. There is quite a bit to learn about The World, and the way the game introduces it all is satisfactory. The Operating System, Altimit, is back again, and is a lot slicker than what was presented in the originals. Some news announcements about things happening in the real world have short newsreels lasting about fifteen seconds. There is also a humorous news magazine called Online Jack, where he investigates a sickness called Doll Syndrome, that seems to stem from playing The World. Though there isn’t that big of a bonus from loading saved data from any of the previous games (all you get is an email from BlackRose), its only worth it to know the gist of what happened before G.U. and the references you can catch. The World from the original games is referenced to as The World R:1, with the The World in G.U. being called The World R:2. The gameplay and story are different enough that I could see there being little problem with going back and playing the previous games after diving into G.U.

.hack//G.U.’s main improvement has been with the battle system that desperately needed to be revamped after playing through four full games. With no improvement at all to be seen between each of the previous games, there was a lot of time to pick out what needed to be improved and what annoyances had to be removed. Nearly all the complaints I had with the previous games in the series have vanished. And while I have not personally beaten all four of the originals at the time of writing, (I’m in the final hours of the third part) I can easily say that if you liked them, you will love G.U.

The battle system has become much more action-oriented. No longer do you have to run right up to an enemy and be right next to them to use your weapon. The battle system allows for you to strike at an enemy even if they’re not in your range. Though in writing it may seem like it’s sort of a dumb thing to mention, in actual gameplay, it expands the amount of “freedom” one has during a battle, by not being restricted in their attacks. Though only the X button is used for every single attack, you can hold it down for a charge attack, or tap it repeatedly at the right time to inflict extra damage. Even though it would have been nice to toss in a second button for a different kind of attack, for instance a light or heavy attack, to increase the versatility of the battle system (as well as having more complex combos), it’s really the only thing to complain about when it comes down to it. The Circle button is used as defense, and the Square button is used for activating a special attack, which will be described later on. That is the battle system in a nutshell – but what makes it fun is how fast-paced it is and how hectic a battle can become, especially in the later stages of the game.

Battles are fought on the screen, just like before, but what is different in G.U. is that it treats battles in a little more traditional way; battle mode is started, and at the end, a dialog box displaying experience/items earned. When a battle is initiated, a circular boundary is created that you cannot escape from without using an item called a Smoke Screen. This forces you to stay within the confines that are created and not easily run away from enemies, which could be used to your advantage previously. The camera is a lot smarter this time around, and doesn’t rely so heavily on user input when in battle, as it will draw back away from your characters from the regular third person angle and take a more disconnected look at the battle playing out. By doing this, the action is easier to see unfold, not to mention easier to control your character since you don’t have to fidget around with the camera all the time.

Another big difference that is noticeable is the lack of on-the-fly party commands. In the previous installments, you were able to press the Square button and tell your party members to do something specific outside of their normal assigned strategy, such as healing or using magic. In G.U., your party members are much more independent, but are smarter in the sense that they will heal themselves (and you) when they need to within the constructs of one of the strategies you tell them to execute when in battle. Less control over your party members can be seen as a good and bad thing, as you can focus more on what your character is doing in the battle, but have less impact on the overall execution of it. The lock-on system is very effective, with little to no foul-ups. The only times the lock-on system can be faulty is when you’re facing against multiple flying enemies, but perhaps that’s just the difficulty of that particular enemy rather than a fault with the locking on.

A Morale Gauge is represented in the upper right hand corner of the screen during a battle. When you perform combos with regular attacks, or a critical combo called a “Ren Geki,” your party members will notice your effort and slightly fill up the gauge, the most being earned after a Ren Geki. Once the Morale Gauge is filled up, it will tell you to press the Square button. Pressing the Square button when the Morale Gauge is filled up all the way will activate an “Awakening.” Depending on the type of Awakening you’ve selected from the menu screens, you can either cast a magic spell with your party members that deplete absolutely no Skill Points or go into a “berserk” mode that increases your speed and strength tremendously as you beat the crap out of your enemies. Ren Gekis also add on a small amount of experience points on top of what is already earned from the battle, so while it is good to still do a Ren Geki whenever you can, if you do a Ren Geki that ends the battle, the Morale Gauge will not fill up, due to the couple of seconds it takes for the gauge to initiate its “filling up” after one is done. That amount of time is longer than what it takes for the battle to end after defeating the last enemy, which is very unfortunate.

Abilities and magic are also vastly different in their implementation. Instead of being reliant on what armaments you have equipped, magic will rely on simply buying a very expensive item that teaches you the ability. As money is hard to come by in G.U., you’ll have to spend your money wisely and consider which magic you really need or want, as well as which ones your party members should have as well. Arts, which are weapon-specific abilities, rely on the experience you have with a particular weapon. The more weapon levels you gain using a type of weapon, you’ll get more Arts. The big disadvantage is that Arts are not learned very often, and can only be attained through battle. In the beginning stages of the game, you’ll have only one Arts until about ten hours or so in the game – which is much too long. It would have been nice if they tossed in an Arts when you reached weapon level 2, but the game pulls no punches in that department. Every time you use a skill or magic ability, you will deplete a certain amount of SP (or Skill Points).

You don’t only fight game-created monsters this time around. With the new version of The World, named The World R:2, a gameplay system for Player Killing (or PK) has been added. Player-on-player battles occur now in The World, and practically everyone is fair game. When exploring areas, you will sometimes see a Battle Area that has a battle in progress inside. By choosing to enter the Battle Area, you can help whoever is being attacked. While you cannot initiate any PKing yourself, the addition of being able to fight other players is a nice change-up every once in a while. The concept is expanded with the player vs. player Arena battling, where much of the story in the first volume of G.U. takes place and revolves around.

It still takes 1000 exp to increase your level. Experience gained from defeating the same-leveled monsters goes down as your level increases. This keeps the player motivated to go to new places to increase their levels and acquire better items to help along the way. Since Haseo is an Adept Rogue, he is able to use multiple classes of weapons. The Twin Swords and Broad Sword are the two weapons that will be mainstay of the first volume. Unfortunately, you can’t easily switch weapons in battle; you must go to the menu and equip the weapon you want and wait for Haseo to put away and take out the weapons again. The battle system is less versatile and fun than it could have been if there was a way to easily change weapons.

A little while into the game, Avatar Battles will be introduced. Avatar Battles are basically Zone of the Enders-esque mini games, just not as fleshed out. Though the Avatar Battles have surprisingly responsive controls for being what they are, they aren’t as good as their obvious inspiration. These Avatar Battles are a nice change-up in the pace of the gameplay, but can ultimately be frustrating, especially during hard boss fights. This is really no surprise, as I have already experienced all of that with both Zone of the Enders games, and didn’t quite expect it to be integrated in an action RPG.

As a whole, equipment is much easier to understand now. Equipment are assigned levels, and once your character achieves or surpasses the level of the equipment, you are able to equip them. It’s much more simpler to understand, as levels now have some sort of meaning attached to them other than being a superficial number that told you how good the armor was, like in the originals. Since equipment do not have any abilities or magic assigned to them either, you need only to make a decision about what to have on by the stats they change. Different classes of armor also make it easier to know which classes can equip what, as before, a piece of armor would just say who couldn’t equip something. As a result, there are “barebones” equipment that will change their name when you customize them with a customization item. The customization item will change the equipment’s properties, and have it consistent to what you actually want out of a piece of equipment.

While the inclusion of guilds makes the story a little bit more interesting, you can’t add anyone to your guild unless the story allows for it. The main purpose of the guild is for storing and selling items. When your guild expands, its uses will expand as well. One such use is something called Alchemy. Alchemy allows you to enhance a weapon by combining one or more of the same exact weapon up to five times. Once the weapon hits an Alchemy combination of +5, it may be used in Alechmizing any other weapon in the class up to 10 levels difference. This allow you to use extra weapons to enhance your existing weaponry, until your level is high enough to equip the next best weapon you may have acquired that can’t be equipped due to your current level. Each weapon is also noticeably different.

The exploration of areas has also been slightly improved. Treasure chests are a lot easier to open, since Haseo just kicks anything open. There is now only on camera view, and you can’t pull back or zoom in like you were able to before. This decrease in the amount of camera control can prove to be a little annoying when you chase down Lucky Animals, because they may be fast enough to run outside of your camera’s view. Lucky Animals are basically little animals that will give your characters bonuses if caught. Haseo is a fast runner, so you can get to Point A and Point B relatively quickly. You also get a Steam Bike that allows you to go “faster.” I put faster in quotes because the bike sucks – it doesn’t go fast at all. I avoid it like the plague, quite frankly.

The area word system is much simpler to use. There aren’t any complex readings you have to make with what is being displayed by flashing lights – its all given to you in plain English, with a helpful description at the bottom of the screen to make you even more informed as to what kind of area you’re going into. There are three types of dungeons you will encounter: The Japanese house, cave, and grassy island field. The selection of different areas is nice, and it’s not as dreary as being inside of an actual dungeon all the time, which is where most of the gameplay was in the originals. At the end of the dungeon, there will be a Beast Statue and a treasure chest with a rare item in it. There is also an assortment of unique areas called “Lost Ground” where story takes place. Different quests and jobs are available every once in a while which gives you opportunity to increase your level in between parts of the story.

The graphics and sound are some of the best parts about .hack//G.U. The frame rate is very consistent, at about thirty frames per second. The only time the frame rate drops is when a lot of things happen on the screen at the same time. Cutscenes virtually never have any slow-down. The graphics themselves are very nice, and capture an anime feel, especially in the cutscenes, which are very stylistic in nature. The character designs are also very stylistic and look like they’re straight out of an anime, as well. Voice acting is also top notch. The main character, Haseo, has a very believable voice and an excellent voice actor behind him. Most of the characters in the game have very good voice actors, which really isn’t a surprise considering the first four games had the same quality of voice actors, with only a couple of annoying ones. Loading is also another positive. Loading is virtually non-existant – in one word, its perfect. Unless you were actually looking to see signs of where the game starts loading something, you will not notice it at all, since the developers devised a way of making the game seamless from one end to the next with no huge pauses like you would see in a normal Playstation 2 game. A commendable job goes to the developers for achieving this feat.

.hack//G.U. Vol. 1: Rebirth is a very enjoyable game. If you like the original games, you’ll have a blast with .hack//G.U., just like I did. Unlike the first four, gameplay does not pull down the game, rather supports it very well with a nice foundation. With three games planned for the .hack//G.U. series, I hope that we can expect general improvements to the already solid formula put in place by Vol. 1: Rebirth. The first volume of G.U. is also quite a bit longer than a single part of the originals. If the next two games show little to no difference, it might prove to be another bad decision in the progression of .hack games in general.

Dynasty Warriors: Vol. 2 (PSP) Review

Developer: Omega Force / Publisher: Koei || Overall: 7.5/10

Koei’s Dynasty Warriors series has seen quite a few implementations since its conception in the late 90s. Based on Chinese history and the battles that surround its historical figures, the 3D action game has seen a second iteration on the PSP. While Dynasty Warriors: Vol. 2 will probably remind you of the same exact game seen on home consoles, there is something to be said for it being portable.

Dynasty Warriors: Vol. 2 is a sequel to Dynasty Warriors for PSP, which was released at launch. Vol. 2 is the first Dynasty Warriors game I’ve ever laid my hands on. While I wasn’t expecting much, I was satisfied with the experience that the game offers, and best of all it works pretty well for a portable.

The main mode of play is called the Musou Mode. In this mode, you select a character that is a part of one of the multiple Chinese kingdoms that existed at that time in history. Once selected, you will fight a series of five battles, unlocking different battles as you make your way through the game with your selected character. There are many characters to choose from, so this in itself will keep players busy for a long time to come if you want to increase each character’s stats.

Gameplay is exactly as seen before in the series – nothing should surprise you if you played a Dynasty Warriors game before. You go through the game and destroy all who stand in your way with your superhuman player character. While the gameplay basically stays the same between each of the different selectable characters, it differs ever so slightly by the special powers and weapons they have in their arsenal. You’ll be mowing through underlings but every once in a while you’ll fight a boss-like character. The boss characters are usually commanders of a particular group of soldiers, and once defeated, their army will retreat.

When you invade an area, you will enter a battle with the forces that occupy the area. Battles can change against and toward your favor if a new army invades the area you’re currently fighting in, which can change the outcome of the battle if you’re not fast enough. To win a battle, you’ll have to defeat all the enemy forces. To lose one, you’ll have to either retreat out of the battle, have your main character be defeated, or lose all your forces. There are other extraneous objectives that you’ll have to complete to actually defeat the whole stage you are on, but they vary from occupying a certain amount of areas to defeating an enemy general’s army.

Dynasty Warriors: Vol. 2 is a great title to waste time with, simply because it’s a fast game to play with almost no loading times. The only time you’ll see any noticeable loading is when you first start the game and when a stage is selected. Once you begin a stage, there is absolutely no loading between different areas. There is also a very solid frame rate that will not result in any ghosting on the PSP’s LCD screen, and one can enjoy the action as it happens with practically no slow down at all.

There are noticeable sacrifices to achieve the steady frame rate and excellent load time, however. Almost all the areas look exactly the same – very rarely will the map you’re fighting on actually change within the stage unless you’re on a special area like an enemy’s base, which obviously puts less strain on the game to have to load something new. To keep the frame rate steady, you’ll see that there will always be enemies popping in and out of nowhere. No doubt this is because there is a maximum amount of actual characters that will be shown on screen at the same time. Sometimes you’ll even kill an enemy you don’t even see, which means the game knows that there’s an enemy somewhere but they won’t actually show up until you kill another enemy.

The main control issue I have with the game is that there is no easy way to change your camera’s view. Dynasty Warriors: Vol. 2 begs for a right analog stick, as the chase camera that is almost always behind your character’s back does not do well against enemies that are hidden behind the camera itself. There is a quick way to turn the camera around, by using the L shoulder button it will refocus the camera to behind the character’s back again. So if you turn in the direction you want to look all the time, it will be fairly easy to manipulate the camera. Otherwise, the game is fairly solid in its 3D beat-em-up style, as the controls are very responsive, and you’ll have different special attacks to keep using throughout battles.

Dynasty Warriors: Vol. 2 is a recommendable PSP game if you want to take Dynasty Warriors out of the house with you. While the experience you’ll get isn’t exactly unique to the PSP, it is unique in the way that it is on the PSP. There is plenty of gameplay to be had if you want to put the time into it, which is important when looking for a game to waste time with on a portable.