Imagine pong…but instead of going just up and down, you can move around in a circle and go into the center of the circle too. That is this game, Radial Pong.
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t special, but what more could you really want from a pong game? The cloud background beats the hell out of the original pong game in graphics (or should i say CRAPhics hyuck)
Sound:
The music is good. The main menu song is kind of stupid, cause there’s supposed to be like DJ scratching sounds or something, but its in MIDI, so it sounds like crap.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is a bit hard to get used to, but its pretty good, for what you do in this game.
Crappiest Part:
How you can’t get a screenshot of you losing or winning. I woulda put one here either way, but I couldn’t seem to get it for some reason.
Overall Score:
There’s nothing really bad about this game, but there isn’t that much that is good either. Its a good game though, for a Game Maker game. 7/10.
This is a basic Pac-Man game, with better graphics than the original. It actually gets kinda hard later on in the game.
Graphics:
The graphics are alright. There’s nothing bad about them.
Sound:
I think there’s only one song, and its the original Pac-Man song, but its like remade to sound a lot better, and there’s drums and junk…but its still a MIDI…and it is annoying to a degree.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is smooth, and its not overly hard because the enemies move about the same speed as you.
Crappiest Part:
I had to pause for a while and think about this…ok i thought of something. There’s nothing to build on top of the original Pac-Man game.
Overall Score:
This game is a basic Pac-Man game, but it didn’t build anything on top of Pac-Man to make it go somewhere. But its a very nice Pac-Man game if you like to play Pac-Man.
You’re a samurai trying not to get killed. You have a million and 2 lives and a sword.
Graphics:
The graphics are really good, but lack detail. I’m pretty sure the sprites are original, since he uses different sprites of the same style in most of his games. There’s also a beginning movie thing that is pretty cool too, but it doesnt have anything but one of the samurai guys doing…something..
Sound:
There’s no music, just samurai guy sounds going “WHAAAAA” and “YOOOOOAAAHHH” and “EEEEEYYYAAAHHHH.” It gets annoying as fuck, even though its funny in the beginning.
Gameplay:
Its ok, i don’t like the moving system that much. You move with the mouse, but by clicking.
Crappiest part:
Its almost impossible to have a positive score for too long, since each guy you kill is 1 point and everytime you die (which is a lot of times) is -5 points.
Overall Score:
This is a fun game, but it seriously lacks replay value. 7/10.
I’d read about this game a few days before it was released, and being the simulator loving mormon I am I downloaded it the first day the author released it to the public. Ore No Ryori means “my cooking” in Japanese despite what the loading screen says and the game is just that…cooking.
A relative of yours is ill and now you’re the chef/dishwasher/waiter/everything that isn’t the cashier of his restaurant. Which must’ve been pretty crappy before the relative became ill because you start out with nothing but some pizza and beer to sell. The action starts almost immediately, and people start running in ordering pizza and beer left and right. The goal is to raise $30,000 in 40 days or the restaurant will be shut down for….some reason. No borrowing money from granny’s purse now big boy, it’s time to sell nachos.
At the end of every day you have the choice to buy objects to upgrade your restaurant. There’s a tip jar for customers who got orders that you did just right, a candy rack for the guys who got burnt pizza and over-filled beer (which is like me ordering a pizza, getting two instead, then not tipping because I only ordered one), some safety objects, some new food to sell, a hot bar, and various electronics. The safety objects are good for bribing the Board of Health who come by every 4 days to stick their penis in your snacks. If you fail the inspection you have to hand over five hundred big ones, which will most likely piss you off. The new foods that are available are nachos, burgers, steaks, and soup. It’s best to get all the food early in the game if you want to actually win.
After buying all the food, things can get pretty hectic. Running after a thief while handing out soup and cooking a steak can be quite a workout, as well as serving the bastard that comes in every two seconds wanting a beer. The mailman comes by every now and then and gives you either bills or a package. The bills can either result in you losing or gaining thirty-five dollars, the package is from your relatives, which is sometimes a picture (even though after you get the first one, the other ones don’t show up) and other times two hundred dollars, which isn’t half bad for a sick guy. The before-mentioned hot bar is good for cash and nothing else (like everything else in the game), people run by it and grab food, leaving fifteen dollars in with the Chinese eyeballs or whatever the hell is in it. Last and probably least are the electronics. There’s a TV to increase the customers’ waiting time for food (I don’t think it works), a phone that, when picked up, is almost always a seventy dollar loss by your wifebeating landlord, and actually I think that’s all the electronics there are, a bug zapper sure would have been appreciated.
So did I like this game? Yes I did, very much so. I’ve played it for two or three hours and can now safely consider myself a master in the vitual cooking realm, which probably won’t score me that many dates now that I think about it. But everyone knows I’ve played Mark Platinum now so there’s no chance in hell I could ever get a date with anyone ever again. Sure this game may not have taught me all there is about cooking, but sure taught me that using too many parenthesis in a review makes you look like an idiot.
Graphics: 4
Gameplay: 8
Sound: 7
Controls: 8
Replayability: 7
Overall: 34/50 (basically a 7/10)
An angry pirate stands at the meth lab while I pour him some home brewed urine from the tap.
This is a very unique game, and one of the only games you’ll ever find that has to do with owning a restaurant and cooking. Your parents go to Japan or some country and have to take care of a sickly relative, and leave the restaurant to you for 40 days, in franchise mode.
Graphics:
The graphics are very good for this game. The ingredients looked like the real thing, and so did all the food, but the whole style of the game makes it look like its paper drawn, or paper cut-out. Not cel shaded though.
Sound:
The sounds in this game are very good. There’s only 2 songs or so, and they go well with the whole mood of the game. Only bad thing though is when you’re playing, the song ends and it stops for about a couple seconds so that it can restart. The sounds of disappointment and satisfaction are good, and when you spend so much time (like I have), the satisfaction sounds actually make you happy for some reason.
Gameplay:
Very challenging. You really have to pay attention to what the customer wants to get it just right. It seems like the game gets harder at your own pace, allowing you to buy more types of food to sell at your own discretion, so that more customers come in at the same time requesting a different thing. Once you buy all the foods, its crazy. Since I’m an absolute and total veteran master sargeant at this game, its not that hard for me, but the first day I played after I bought all of the foods, it was hell, because 8 different people came in at the same time. It is kind of strange to see some guys come in for a beer at 7:00 in the morning, supposedly getting ready for work…and guys coming in for pizza or steak in the morning, nachos at night, etc.
Crappiest Part:
There isn’t much story to lead you on through the game, but the fun of cooking and making money is enough to cover for the lack of story. I would have wanted a little more in-depth restaurant management thing though, so that new things keep happening, instead of once you buy all the things there is to buy, all you do is just keep on cooking and serving food until the last day (if you’re in franchise mode).
Overall Score:
This is a very good game, and is one that I would actually pay to play. Its not too often a game as good as this comes around. There are 3 modes in the game, Tutorial, Franchise, and Arcade. You can unlock/buy the Arcade mode after going through the Franchise mode. It implies that there are secret options or something in the game, but I’m not too sure, because I haven’t beat it yet. I give it a
This game is a game about Ness, and he’s launched in the air by his friend Jeff (this being presumably after Earthbound). Its a fairly involving game, and is very challenging. The story may be a bit cheesy, but so is your mom…>.>
Graphics:
The sprites were mostly ripped from Earthbound, but the background was really good. And the way the “psi” attacks were animated was pretty good too. The only bad thing, is that its really small, so you can’t see the details, like if there’s a crevace thing you can go in.
Sound:
The music is very good. But after a while I don’t notice it much, because I get really involved in the game. Besides that point, it really goes well with the game. Ness screams when he gets hurt
Gameplay:
The gameplay is very good, runs smoothly, and you don’t get stuck on any edges (like Elfish Wars).
Crappiest Part:
So…hard….::stranded in the desert:: ….
Overall Score:
This game is very fun for an adventure game, and I suggest anyone but Nintendo’s lawyers to play this game. I give it a:
Game by Shawn64's Creations, made with Game Maker.
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Overview:
This is a very fun game, in which missiles of many types are trying to destroy a pile of blocks that you have to save by clicking the missiles, and using different weapons to destroy them.
Graphics:
The graphics of the missiles are very interesting to watch and look at as they fire into the blocks, split up into smaller missiles, and stuff like that. One bad thing though, is that the “powerup” icons are taken from Pocket Tanks.
Sound:
There’s a pretty cool title screen kinda tune, there’s no in game music, because there’s so many explosions and missile sounds that sound really cool.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is very simple, but gets more interesting with powerups, weapons, and other things. Its more than just point and click, you have to get rid of the things that are more dangerous at the time than others, and you have to always keep paying attention to what you do.
Crappiest Part:
The pocket tank icons used as the powerups in this game. And the fact that if the missiles go through the top of the screen or the bottom of the screen, they come out on the opposite end, and its kinda hard to click on them then.
Overall Score:
This game is so fun, that I can actually see myself playing it just to play it. This should be a classic arcade type of game. I give it a:
Never before in a game, do you have a bazooka thing that shoots spinning bananas that blow up ninja monkeys, piles of goo, stupid things you can’t shoot, and hover monkeys from a boat, until this game. This game takes you through lush scenery, like…umm…black…steps, and waterfalls and trees that you can’t climb (even though you’re a monkey)
Graphics:
Completely sub-par. I don’t even know what that means exactly, but its less than average.
Sound:
The annoying exploding sounds. The weird thing is, when you shoot, you hear an explosion, not when you actually have the thing explode…
Gameplay:
Normal…but there were times where I fell through the floor, and that was gay, because then I had to start over again. The only part that I actually kind of liked was the boat level thing…if you ever get past all the parts of the game you can fall through..
Crappiest Part:
How you fall through the floor sometimes for no reason. It seems you only fall if you shoot in specific places. And the legs of the monkey keep moving even though you’re not moving.
Overall Score:
It was an ok attempt, but it could have been done better.
Developer: Remedy Entertainment / Publisher: Rockstar Games
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Overview:
Max Payne is a third person shooter that progresses its story through a graphic novel, split into 3 parts, along with narration. The main thing about this game is bullet-time. The story really complimented the experience of the gameplay, and almost inspired you to keep going on to find out what happens, and how its going to end. This isn’t a very long game though (if you go through it once, only). You’ll probably get a good 5 or 6 hours out of it on the easy setting, but when you go for the other difficulties, good luck. Its hard enough as it is on easy, because the difficulty actually changes to adjust to how well you’re doing. The replay value of the game is pretty good, as well. There ARE some annoying levels, through the game every now and then.
Graphics:
The graphics are very good, and you can’t see much better than it right now.
Sound:
The sound is awesome. There is so much action going on, and so much gun figting that you’ll feel like you’re actually in the middle of it. The gangster’s normal speech gets a little repetitive, as they keep saying “what the hell,” “its PAYNE!,” “Kill the bastard!” and a few more other ones I can’t think of off the top of my head. Once you go through the first 2 chapters of Part I, you’ll just about have heard them all. Once in a while, there are 2 enemies that talk about completely off topic subjects. Later in the game, you’ll hear 2 of them talking about bullet-time itself, saying how it would be “so cool” if you could be able to use it yourself.
Gameplay:
The gameplay is kind of hard to get a hang of at first, but when you learn everything, its smooth, and you always know what to press. As I said before, the difficulty level of the game changes to fit how well you’re doing during the game. If you’re doing really good, the difficulty goes up. If you’re doing really bad, the enemies are easier. Once you beat the first difficulty level, 2 more types of games open up. There’s a total of 5 different modes, so if you care enough to be the best Max Payne in the world, try beating each one.
Crappiest Part:
I’d say the crappiest part of Max Payne would be how it left you off on a sort-of cliffhanger when you beat the game. It ended the story, but it left a few unanswered questions. But I guess that’s what Max Payne 2 is for.
Overall Score:
Max Payne is an excellent game, with no plot falls, and seamless gameplay. This game is one of my favorites, and is a lot of fun if you have good speakers for your computer.
This is a semi-original kind of game, reminiscent of tetris and the matching part of memory without the memory thing
Graphics:
The graphics aren’t especially great, but they accomplish what they need to be, and its not like they’re an eyesore. Its easy to tell them apart, and I guess that’s kind of important for this game.
Sound:
There was a delightful one song soundtrack that I must buy.
Gameplay:
Point and drag. It was simple enough. The instructions are kind of confusing I think. Basically, you have to drag the squares into a straight line of 3 or more. The most possible is 6 but you’ll find yourself (or at least I did) trying to get the 3 in a rows instead of the more in a rows, because blocks keep falling down, and you need to get more space for them.
Crappiest Part:
While this is kind of a fun game, there isn’t much to it, like increasing difficulty levels or something like that.
Overall Score:
This is a mix of a couple things, and I think that it was good for the idea. There weren’t any annoying things that hindered playing, but this isn’t anything better than an average game.
There’s a lot of bad games made with Game Maker, but this game is not one of them. I’ve spent so many hours playing this game that my fingers and eyes have gone numb. Wait…am I reviewing Mark Platinum here? Well then let me rephrase what I’ve said thus far. This game IS one of them, and I hate it about a whole lot.
For one, the size of the screen is about 9 x 9, so you better get the magnifying glass when you’re ready to play. Also bring about eight bottles of Motrin also. The game begins with an introduction story so pathetic and misspelled that I wonder if the designer put any thought into the game. After playing the game for five more seconds, you will see that the answer to that is no.
Aliens have invaded Asia and are headed for Europe! So why the hell do I start off in a room with a backdrop of Egypt? Last time I checked, Egypt wasn’t in either Europe nor Asia….ok mister smarty man, whatever you say! Pressing right makes Mark move right..that’s all. The maker was too busy chugging anti-freeze and masturbating to Ateens videos to even make a walking animation of any sort. Pressing up will make Mark move up, again with no kind of animation. Video game characters sure do suck these days, all they every start out with is the ability to jump really fucking high and make enemies dissapear and make a weird sound when landed upon. After walking forward and trying to jump over enemies for a while you hit a flag and are transported to the end of the game. Ok maybe you don’t but a guy can dream can’t he? No? Well fuck you too.
The second level has ice or something, I don’t really remember. Anyway, there’s a gun the size of a mountain in which you can pick up if you walk into it. The gun then magically turns into a normal sized gun. When fired it shoots about eight hundred pool balls, TEH ENEMYS HAV NO CHANS.You have infinite lives but it doesn’t matter because the game blows infants for jawbreakers. And everytime you restart a level, the music repeats from the beginning. May I add that the music is like listening to a barn orgy involving your whole family and a group of very dirty pigs.
Graphics: -5
Sound: -6
Replayability: -9
Fun Factor: -10
Controls: 0
basically, a 1/10
SCREENSHOTS:
The giant pussy gun, this is the whole size of the screen.
Those of you who are fans of Lunar: Silver Star Story and Eternal Blue will already know what I am going to discuss. I have been a fan of these games since I got Silver Star Story Complete over a year ago. The game was about a boy named Alex who dreams of becoming a legendary dragon master. His adventure begins when him, his greedy friend who is also the mayor of his towns son, Nall a young white dragon and Luna, a girl who his parents were given to take care of when Alex and Luna were infants go find a Dragon Diamond. They meet Quark, the White Dragon and the adventure gains momentum. They meet Nash, an arrogant magic user Kyle, a strong (one time cross dressing) bandit, Jessica, a half beast half human girl, and my personal favorite, Mia Ausa, the premier of the Magic Guild of Vane. I feel through out the entire game Mia grew the most as a person and I feel she was the most beautiful too. Anyway, the meet the four heroes of the last war. And one of them turns out to be their enemy. This game is done in japanese anime style and there is almost an hour of full motion video and voice overs. It is two discs long which I was disappointed because since it is such a great game where you feel like you know the characters and grow with them, you want it to be longer. Now onto the sequel which I waited in anticipation and frustration for almost a year. Eternal Blue has to be one of the best games I have ever played. It has everything that Silver Star Story didn’t. Eternal Blue is three discs long and it takes place 1,000 years after Silver Star Story. It begins with Hiro and Ruby(a young red dragon) looking for jewels in a cave. They find a jewel and get into trouble. Once they are finally safe they go home only to find Hiros grandfather being interrogated by Leo, one of the four heroes of this age. The go to the Blue Spire near Hiros home and meet Lucia, the guardian of the Blue Star. Lucia is then drained of her power by the god of evil, Zophar. Hiro and Ruby protect Lucia and meet up with Ronfar, a gambling priest, Jean, a fighting dancer, Lemina, who is related to Mia Ausa. Eventually Lucia regains most of her power and learns what it is like to be human because she was all alone on the Blue Star but Zophar is resurrected by evil forces and drains the world of Lunar of its energy and magic. It is up to Hiro and his friends to save Lucia and defeat Zophar. Zophar has to be one of the toughest end bosses I have faced in a game but thankfully this morning I beat him in one of the longest video game battles I have every played. Another great thing about Eternal Blue is that there is an Epilogue quest. If you know anything about the Lunar games or are looking for a great RPG that you can get into, then the Lunar games are a good bet. Not only that but they are packaged with tons of goodies that are worth the price of the games. Later everyone.
okay…let’s see here. Ummm…You’re Link (hooray) and you’re in a haunted house (hooray) and….you have to get through a maze (hooray)…and you can’t go anywhere past the first turn! (booray) (that’s the word I just made up that is opposite to hooray)
Graphics:
the Link sprite is ripped off from somewhere, i’d bet. The door looks like a pecan and the ghost thing looks like a piece of purple shit that somehow got the balls to say “hey I’m a ghost and I’m going to fly around, and on top of walls while I’m at it”
Sound:
There’s a delightful version of Cypress Hill – Rock Superstar in MIDI format, that doesn’t place very well at all in this game.
Gameplay:
uhhh there’s no attacking, you just move….its not a good game, don’t get it.
Crappiest Part:
the part where everything is.
Overall Score:
You can’t even play this game, I have no idea what the point is, and its killing me that I can’t get through the pecan door so I can get to Nut World and bask in nuts of all types. 1/10 for crushing my dreams of a nut-filled world.
In LEGO Island, you can be 5 different people. And you can do different things…as the 5 different people…and you can interactively walk around an island…called LEGO Island. And everything is made out of LEGOs! WOW! And all the LEGO people don’t know they were created by the leading innovator in the building blocks industry.
Graphics:
The graphics in the game are actually pretty cool. But it doesn’t work on Windows XP, so I can’t really see the graphics anymore. But its actually pretty good for a game that came out before the turn of the century. Boy…isn’t it great that I can say that?
Sound:
The sound is spectacular!!!!!111 I just love stupid LEGO people talking to me and me talking to them (not actually) and going through 10 minutes with the old information guy telling me what to do. I don’t care about you old man! YOU SHOULD DIE! IF I WANTED ANY HELP FROM YOU I WOULD HAVE CLICKED ON YOU, BUT I DIDN’T SO STOP TALKING ARRRRGHH!!4
Gameplay:
Point and click…there’s different things you can do in this game. Like race in a race that is almost impossible to win, deliver the same pizza to the same place over and over, or chase a stupid burglar everywhere around the island. That is actually the best part of the game (chasing a burglar that is). You go through the mountains, you go through the city, and you never seem to catch him ever. I don’t think I caught him when I played this on my older piece of crap computer (but at least this game worked on it, i guess i had a reason to be happy to have it), cause the only thing I did do on this computer was get these ultra cool screen shots that have the game not displaying correctly! I’m so cool.
Crappiest Part:
How it is poorly made, and how it doesn’t work on Windows XP (at least I can’t figure out how to make it display correctly, not like I’d really want it to, now that I think about it)
Overall Score:
I probably would’ve liked this game better if i were 4 years old, with a piece of crap computer that could run this game correctly, but in the end this game just sucks. Do me a favor and boycott all LEGO software. It makes no sense too. If you want to play with LEGOs, buy one from the LEGO section, not the software section. I don’t wanna build things on the computer. “hey mom, look what I uncreatively made on the computer, with the help of my LEGO software!”
This game is like a retarded dream, and it only gets worse from there…This is the description of the game it gives in the readme file: The object of the game is to kill all the dummies in three levels for so little time as possible. Game may contain some violence and blood, but just remember: Don’t do this in real-life! If you do, you are an idiot and don’t blame us when you’re in court! Moohahahaha *Grin*.
Now I would see this impossible to do, because we are not floating hands with claws coming out of them, nor are we a sword that is randomly put into the game.
Graphics:
They suck the hair right off my ass. The backgrounds are the only thing that look any good, and they’re the things that make the game so fucking big.
Sound:
I like the title screen music. This is probably the only thing that you would want to do with this game. Listen to the theme song, then close it, but if you know what it is, you should get the midi instead of this game. Well, the rest of the midis used in the game are alright too…
Gameplay:
The moving hand with claws coming out of it moves so badly, and when you attack, the hand goes to the other side ah who cares no ones gonna play this fucking game. Its really bad.
Crappiest part:
the programmer behind the game. There is no creativity in the game at all, except from the people that made the MIDIs in the first place.
Overall Score:
This game took me 20 minutes to download, and it only gave me 83 seconds of play. This is NOT worth the download, and it makes me wonder why the FUCK this is even 4 megs. I came to the conclusion that it was the backgrounds, and he used them as bitmaps…this game is horrible. 1/10.
Radial Pong (PC) (667.4 KiB, 1,145 hits)
