Sister: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?
Brother: A list of everything I want!
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #11443
Paul: A man who was seven feet tall and fifty inches wide worked behind the counter at a candy store. What did he weigh?
Doug: I don’t know. What?
Paul: Candy.
Joke #11442
Sister: Why did you put that lamp in your bed?
Brother: I’m a light sleeper!
Joke #11441
Mother: Why are you taking that hammer to bed?
Bob: I want to hit the hay!
Joke #11440
Polly: Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
Robin: I just had lunch and I don’t want to swim on a full stomach.
Joke #11439
Gary: Earlier today I caught a jellyfish.
Sarah: Really? What flavor?
Joke #11438
Julie: Why are you running?
Ben: I’m trying to stop a fight.
Julie: Between whom?
Ben: Between me and the guy who’s chasing me!
Joke #11437
Shelley: How many famous people were born in Detroit?
Martin: I don’t know. How many?
Shelley: None – only babies!
Joke #11436
Carl: Gee, it’s dark out tonight, isn’t it?
Christy: I don’t know. I can’t see.
Joke #11435
Brother: Why are you taking that ruler to bed with you?
Sister: I want to see how long I sleep!
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Another version of this joke:
Q: Why did Billy take a ruler to bed with him?
A: To see how long he slept.
Joke #11434
Steve: What’s five Q plus five Q?
Connie: Ten Q.
Steve: You’re welcome.
Joke #11433
Ray: The hissing snakes slithered in the grass. How many s’s in that?
Bob: Uh…seven?
Ray: No. There aren’t any s’s in THAT!
Joke #11431
Lucy: Don’t you think my voice has improved?
Holly: Yes, it’s improved. But it’s not cured yet!
Joke #11430
Tom: I wish you’d sing solo.
Laura: Solo?
Tom: So low I couldn’t hear you! Ha ha!
Laura: Not funny! Have you ever heard yourself sing? You should sing tenor.
Tom: Tenor?
Laura: Ten or twelve miles away!
Joke #11429
Chris: How are your violin lessons going?
Liz: Very well. I’ve already mastered the first steps.
Chris: I thought you were supposed to play the violin with your hands!