Jokes about Blondes.
A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side.
She yells over to the blonde, “Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?”
And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back “You ARE on the other side!”
A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver’s license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well.
She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb.
“Could you get a little closer?” the examiner asks.
The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner.
“Now what?”
A blonde walks in to a store and says to the cashier “Can I buy that TV?”
The cashier says, “No.”
The blonde leaves the store.
The next day, the blonde walks back into the store and says “Can I have that TV?”
The cashier says “No,” so the blonde leaves the store.
The next day the blonde walks back into the store and says “Can I have that TV?”
The cashier says “no” again
This time the blonde asks, “Why won’t you sell me the TV?”
The cashier says “Because, that’s a toaster, not a TV.”
Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”
The first explained, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!”
The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”
Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sasparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian’s head under his arm.
The barman shakes his hand and says, “I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children.” He then says, “If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I’ll give him one thousand dollars.”
The two blonds looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.
Suddenly, Jeff said, “Dave, take a look at this.” Dave replied, “Not now, I’m busy.”
Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, “I really think you should look at this.”
Dave said, “Look, you can see I’m busy. There’s a thousand dollars in my hand.”
But Jeff was adamant. “Please, Dave, take a look at this.”
So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians.
Dave just shook his head and said, “Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we’re going to be millionaires!”
A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I can only sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ‘fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”
A blonde man comes home from work and hears his wife yelling. He runs up the stairs and finds her in bed naked; the blonde asks his wife what’s wrong.
She says she’s having a heart attack. He runs downstairs to call 911 where he finds his 5 year old son.
The boy cries, “Daddy, uncle’s in the closet naked!”
So the dolt runs back upstairs and opens the closet and sure enough there was his brother naked in his closet.
“I can’t believe it!” he yells, “My wife has an emergency and you’re running around scaring the kids!”
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, “I hate all the blonde jokes people tell.”
“Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”
They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said the brunette.
The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, “See! That guy was really stupid.”
“No kidding,” replied the blonde. “There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”
Q: Why did the blonde throw bread crumbs down the toilet?
A: To feed the toilet duck!
Q: Why are blondes like 7-Eleven stores?
A: Open 24 hours a day.
Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?
A: Oh no, I’m going to fall again!
Q: Hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to figure out she could play it at night too.
Q: What do you call a room full of blondes with PMS and yeast infections?
A: A wine and cheese party!
Q: How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A: A golden retriever.