Category Archives: Stupid IMs

These are the Stupid IMs. They’re stupid, duh. 1 to 1 messaging.

#10886: davepoobond -> Phoenix

This entry is part 1 of 4 in the series Can I Has Kidz Bop?

davepoobond: do you know where i can get all the Kidz Bop albums for free

Phoenix: I don’t know who or what kidz bop are/is

davepoobond: you’re missing out, my friend.

davepoobond: middle aged men and 50 children sing popular songs

davepoobond: and they put it all on 2 cds worth

Phoenix: lol

davepoobond: they made 5 of them so far

Phoenix: pedophile bananza, it sounds like

davepoobond: kidz bop, more kidz bop, kidz bop 2, kidz bop 3, kidz bop 4, and kiz bop christmas

davepoobond: and i must have them all!

Phoenix: You speak the truth, homeslice

davepoobond: yeah

davepoobond: Kid friendly versions of today’s hits recorded specifically for kids

davepoobond: so i’m guessing you don’t know where i can get them

#10885: davepoobond -> Izumo Etsuko

davepoobond: i’m eating ice cream mmhmm…and its 9:19 in the morning!

Izumo Etsuko: O.o

Izumo Etsuko: its 11:19

Izumo Etsuko: -.-

davepoobond: not for meeee

Izumo Etsuko: x.x

Izumo Etsuko: you live in California don’t you?

davepoobond: i live in the past

Izumo Etsuko: in California

Izumo Etsuko: -.-

davepoobond: sure

Izumo Etsuko: x.x

Izumo Etsuko: I hate you

Izumo Etsuko: >_>

davepoobond: why

davepoobond: cause its so much better here

davepoobond: and we’re gonna get arnold schwarzenegger as our governor

Izumo Etsuko: x.x

Izumo Etsuko: no

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: cause, thats closer to Japan

Izumo Etsuko: e.e

davepoobond: washington is closer

Izumo Etsuko: nu uh

Izumo Etsuko: -.-

davepoobond: seattle

Izumo Etsuko: …x.x

Izumo Etsuko: dun say washington

Izumo Etsuko: it makes me think DC

Izumo Etsuko: -.-

davepoobond: well then

davepoobond: washington state

Izumo Etsuko: thats better

Izumo Etsuko: 😀

Izumo Etsuko: :/

davepoobond: its too hot here now

Izumo Etsuko: I wanna move to Tokyo when I get older

Izumo Etsuko: how hot is it?

davepoobond: its in the 100s

davepoobond: everyday

Izumo Etsuko: ………………

Izumo Etsuko: HAHAHAHAA!!!!!

Izumo Etsuko: :P!!!!!!!!!

Izumo Etsuko: *points and laughs*

davepoobond: yeah, but one day, LA will be next to san francisco

Izumo Etsuko: o.o

davepoobond: so we don’t need to have the extreme heat

davepoobond: for very long

davepoobond: cause when the “big one” comes

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: big earthquake that shakes Cali loose?

davepoobond: LA will either sink

Izumo Etsuko: that’ll r0x0rz

davepoobond: or move up

Izumo Etsuko: I bet we’ll feel it here

Izumo Etsuko: XD

davepoobond: california is on two different continental plates

davepoobond: didn’t you learn about that in school

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: no

davepoobond: amazing..

davepoobond: well anyway

Izumo Etsuko: I just remember seeing Lex Luthor talk about it breaking free in Superman the movie

Izumo Etsuko: e.e

davepoobond: LA is on the Pacific plate

Izumo Etsuko: I have Superman on DVD

Izumo Etsuko: :/

davepoobond: while the rest of california basically on the one that you’re on

davepoobond: ok good

Izumo Etsuko: d0000d…

Izumo Etsuko: wouldn’t it be funny if a giant rock from outerspace smashed into Kansas?

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: and NASA was too stupid to see it until it was too late?

Izumo Etsuko: and BOOOM!!!

davepoobond: i wouldn’t really be surprised

Izumo Etsuko: the whole world shakes

davepoobond: Kansas is supposed to be a really unholy place

Izumo Etsuko: yeah, NASA is that stupid

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: x.x

davepoobond: i learned that from Turbulence 3

Izumo Etsuko: :\

Izumo Etsuko: NASA is stoopid

davepoobond: its a movie

Izumo Etsuko: I know

Izumo Etsuko: Private companies should take over space exploration

Izumo Etsuko: cause NASA keeps fucking it up

Izumo Etsuko: -.-

davepoobond: if that happens

davepoobond: then it’ll end up like Lost in Space

Izumo Etsuko: it will happen

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: and soon

Izumo Etsuko: the first privately funded mission is gonna be launched late this year/early next

Izumo Etsuko: :/

davepoobond: wow

davepoobond: dont they have to get it approved or something

Izumo Etsuko: Cosmos 1, the first solar sail

Izumo Etsuko: no

Izumo Etsuko: :/

davepoobond: so i could launch something into space

Izumo Etsuko: it gonna launch from over in Europe

Izumo Etsuko: well…

Izumo Etsuko: no in America

Izumo Etsuko: :\

Izumo Etsuko: stoopid ‘American Airspace’ bullshit

Izumo Etsuko: >_>

davepoobond: in Europe anyone can just blast off

Izumo Etsuko: its in the Baltic Sea or something

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: launching from a Russian sub

Izumo Etsuko: e.e

davepoobond: but that’s government owned

Izumo Etsuko: here, let me find the link

Izumo Etsuko: yes

Izumo Etsuko: but the mission and ship and shit are privately owned and funded

davepoobond: ok great

davepoobond: i dont really care

Izumo Etsuko: x.x

#10884: Izumo Etsuko -> davepoobond

Izumo Etsuko: sup?

davepoobond: not much…you

Izumo Etsuko: nm

Izumo Etsuko: just trying to stay awake

Izumo Etsuko: :/

Izumo Etsuko: okay, I need to get some caffeine before I fallout

Izumo Etsuko: brb

davepoobond: k

Auto response from Izumo Etsuko: I’m away doing fun stuffff!!! (in otherwords, I’ve become so bored I’ve begun hallucinating)

Izumo Etsuko: me am pissered off

Izumo Etsuko: they ran out of Mt. Dew

Izumo Etsuko: >_>

Izumo Etsuko: so I had to buy…Dr…….Pepper…

Izumo Etsuko: *shudder*

davepoobond: too bad

Izumo Etsuko: you read the comic strip Shoot Me Now?

Izumo Etsuko: :/

davepoobond: no

Izumo Etsuko: x.x

Izumo Etsuko: www.shootmenow.com

Izumo Etsuko: it rocks

I’m starting to think I’m sorry for ever IMing this guy and saying that we knew each other from a long time ago (which we didn’t)

#10882: MyLeftTesticle -> davepoobond

MyLeftTesticle: hey baby

davepoobond: hi

MyLeftTesticle: so what you up to?

davepoobond: not much. downloading legal music from mp3.com and typing up stuff from my squackle notebooks

davepoobond: you

MyLeftTesticle: oh just thinking about you

davepoobond: unh hunh…

MyLeftTesticle: so what are you wearing?

davepoobond: anything you want

MyLeftTesticle: ohhhh, you nasty girl

davepoobond: ::fluttery eyelashes::

MyLeftTesticle: so you wana hook up

davepoobond: yeah

MyLeftTesticle: where you at?

davepoobond: home

MyLeftTesticle: why dont you come over.

MyLeftTesticle: im here alone

davepoobond: i’m a little tied up right now

#10878: davepoobond -> Return of the Dragon

davepoobond: i just ate 8 milano cookies and a pack of lanyards

Return of the Dragon: ?

Return of the Dragon: milano

davepoobond: yeah. peppridge farms

davepoobond: they make it

Return of the Dragon: i don’t like that gourmet crap

Return of the Dragon: especially gourmet cookies

davepoobond: ghastly..

Return of the Dragon: i mean

davepoobond: its not gourmet

Return of the Dragon: isn’t that like a contradiction of terms

davepoobond: ghastly?

Return of the Dragon: ?

davepoobond: wtf are you smoking

Return of the Dragon: ghastly

davepoobond: ghastly means scary

Return of the Dragon: i know

davepoobond: or ghost scary

Return of the Dragon: whjy do you bring it up

davepoobond: …

davepoobond: cause you said you thought it meant a contradiction of terms

Return of the Dragon: o then nvm

davepoobond: yeah i’ll bet

#10877: Space Poop -> davepoobond

Space Poop: WAZUUUUUPPPP

davepoobond: nothin

Space Poop: i have a confession

davepoobond: wut

Space Poop: i dont love you anymore

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: why is that

Space Poop: were breaking up

Space Poop: because….you did not eat the poo

Space Poop: will you eat the poo for me?

davepoobond: no

Space Poop: why not

Space Poop: is it because im black?

Space Poop signed off at 10:27:53 AM.

#10873: Blind Bubba -> davepoobond

Blind Bubba: hey asshole

Auto response from davepoobond: I am away from my computer right now.

30 minutes later…

davepoobond: hi bitch

davepoobond: did you want something

Blind Bubba: ?

davepoobond: you dont usually IM me

davepoobond: Blind Bubba: hey asshole

Blind Bubba: ?

davepoobond: is this johnny?

Blind Bubba: ?

davepoobond: ok

davepoobond: is it

Blind Bubba: what

davepoobond: what what

Blind Bubba: ?

davepoobond: did you just want to be stupid or something

Blind Bubba: stfu

davepoobond: :-*

davepoobond: ya IMd me like a half an hour ago i wanted to know whyyyyy

Blind Bubba: ?

#10871: singthesorrow04 -> davepoobond

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series Hey Muggo!

After #10869, MuGG102’s friend IMs me.

singthesorrow04: hey sexy

davepoobond: hey bitch

davepoobond: sorry

davepoobond: i’m sorry

davepoobond: who’s this

singthesorrow04: its ok

singthesorrow04: mugg band mate

davepoobond: ohhh

davepoobond: never mind i’m not sorry

davepoobond: yer muggo’s friend eh

singthesorrow04: why

singthesorrow04: shes cool

singthesorrow04: yes im her friend

davepoobond: its a she..

davepoobond: hmm

singthesorrow04: your a girl

davepoobond: right…

davepoobond: so muggo was all like “help me man, this jerk is IMing me asking me if i get pounded good”

davepoobond: right

singthesorrow04: ya

singthesorrow04: i guess

singthesorrow04: i dont know wut u r talking about

davepoobond: how’d you know to IM me

singthesorrow04: she told me to

davepoobond: unh hunh..

singthesorrow04: well bye

davepoobond: hi

singthesorrow04: hey

davepoobond: hi

singthesorrow04: i said hey

davepoobond: i said hi back to your hey

singthesorrow04: whats ur asl

davepoobond: 17/m/ca

davepoobond: you

singthesorrow04: you just said u were a girl

davepoobond: no i didn’t

singthesorrow04: 16/f/ca

davepoobond: i’ve got dave in my name

davepoobond: y’think i’m a girl

singthesorrow04: no i knew you were lieing

davepoobond: what part of ca you in

singthesorrow04: la

davepoobond: how bout that me too

singthesorrow04: cool really

davepoobond: yep

davepoobond: so you’re in a band huh

singthesorrow04: ya

davepoobond: do you have a web site

singthesorrow04: no

davepoobond: i can make one for you guys. I own a web site called squackle.com

davepoobond: i was just bullshitting yer friend so i could get some laughs outta it

and the rest is boring

#10870: davepoobond -> MuGG102

This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series Hey Muggo!

davepoobond: hey muggo

MuGG102: who are u

davepoobond: steven andersen. i live in glendale, alabama, 1022 stocker street

davepoobond: you?

MuGG102: oh i g2g

davepoobond: yeah right

davepoobond: i dont believe you

davepoobond: you’re probably gonna come over to my house right now

davepoobond: and rape my women

davepoobond: and pillage my sheep

davepoobond: WE WILL NOT LET YOU RAPE AND PILLAGE

davepoobond: fag

MuGG102: asshole

MuGG102: haha

davepoobond: jo mama

MuGG102: i dont even know u

davepoobond: i told you my name

davepoobond: you know who i am

MuGG102: get out of my fucken face

davepoobond: ok

MuGG102: kk]

davepoobond: first let me fart in it

davepoobond: ok?

davepoobond: FARRRRRTTT

davepoobond: FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

davepoobond: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

davepoobond: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

davepoobond: RRRRRRRRRR

davepoobond: TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

MuGG102: a fag

davepoobond: that’s what you are…

MuGG102: no

davepoobond: uhh yea

davepoobond: we established that

davepoobond: already

MuGG102: asshole

davepoobond: at 1:41:13

MuGG102: get the fuck out of my face loser

davepoobond: that’s a spicy meat-a-ball!

MuGG102: dipshit

davepoobond: why do you keep highlighting your words

MuGG102: go to hell asshole

davepoobond: did you call me a hole

davepoobond: that is an ass

davepoobond: what does that mean?

MuGG102: oh god

davepoobond: a hole that is an ass

davepoobond: hmm

davepoobond: umm

davepoobond: i dont get it

davepoobond: hey muggo

davepoobond: muggo muggo

MuGG102: its mugg

davepoobond: …

davepoobond: mugglo2

MuGG102: go to hell

davepoobond: muggo for short

MuGG102: its MuGG

davepoobond: …

davepoobond: muggo?

davepoobond: hey muggo

davepoobond: i have a question

MuGG102: what ass hole

davepoobond: do you get pounded good?

#10868: Space Poop -> davepoobond

Space Poop was on a screen name that davepoobond doesn’t know.

Space Poop: someone

Space Poop: old

Space Poop: is

Space Poop: dead

Space Poop: and

Space Poop: useless

davepoobond: katherine heapburn

Space Poop: sure

Space Poop: why are old people so useless?

davepoobond: cause they’re funny

Space Poop: they can be

Space Poop: if you put something in their drink

davepoobond: and they’re hard to let go

Space Poop: hard to let go?

davepoobond: because we can’t stop being persecuted and controlled by the older generations

Space Poop: so what youre saying is, eliminate anyone over 40?

davepoobond: not necessarily

Space Poop: then what

Space Poop: eliminate anyone over 50?

davepoobond: no

davepoobond: simply put them out of power

Space Poop: paralyze them?

Space Poop: stun gun ’em?

Space Poop: rape them?

Space Poop: steal theyre things?

Space Poop: umm…

Space Poop: fart in their toilets

Space Poop: and not wipe

Space Poop: ?

Space Poop: no responce.

Space Poop: nice

davepoobond: poo

Space Poop: HAHAHAHAH

Space Poop: that was golden

Space Poop: oy…

#10867: Space Poop -> davepoobond

Space Poop was on a screen name that davepoobond doesn’t know.

Space Poop: i need help

davepoobond: why

Space Poop: just do

davepoobond: for…

Space Poop: bothering people

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: who?

Space Poop: whats a good way to start an IM when you try bothing someone

Space Poop: anyone

davepoobond: umm

davepoobond: start out with something like “hey is this (name)”

davepoobond: or

davepoobond: something like

davepoobond: “one of your friends said you like (something stupid, and offending)”

Space Poop: wow

Space Poop: youre smart

davepoobond: i have 4 years experience

davepoobond: in bothering people

Space Poop: cool

Space Poop: do u like ICP

davepoobond: they’re funny guys

davepoobond: i dont listen to their music though

davepoobond: except the things they did to make fun of eminem

Space Poop: u like eminem?

davepoobond: YEAH

davepoobond: OF COURSE I DO

davepoobond: DOYYY

Space Poop: AMAZING

davepoobond: just like everyone else in america

Space Poop: DER

Space Poop: i wonder what he sounds like when youre eating mushroomz

davepoobond: i wouldnt know, i dont do drugs

Space Poop: sure ya do

Space Poop: holy shit

Space Poop: when was i warned?

Space Poop: DID YOU DO THIS???

davepoobond: who knows

davepoobond: no

Space Poop: brb

Space Poop: my computers acting reaaaal strange

davepoobond: k