Category Archives: Films

Films written for SBC.

Squackle Broadcasting Company, Films

The Poyfect Storm

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(there are 2 ships coming in from fishing all month)

(Sosie, the girl captain on the other boat picks up her CB Radio transmitter thingy and talks into it)

 

Sosie: wheee!! how u doin George?

 

(George, the other guy on the the other ship that is the captain of it picks up the CB radio transmitter thingy in his ship)

 

George: fart!

 

Sosie: oh, dont be mad, just cause i got about……..50 times more fish than you!

 

George: nyak! we only got a few sardines. we had more bait than what we caught!

 

Sosie: well, thats not my fault…

 

George: ACTUALLY, IT IS! YOU KEPT HONKING THAT STUPID FOG HORN WHILE WE WERE FISHING AND BUMPED INTO OUR BOAT!

 

Sosie: well…..poop!

 

(George and Sosie’s boats come into the harbor)

 

(later, at the office of the Fish Master…)

 

Fish Master (jaw dropping): only a few sardines George? man…..you just S-U-C-K

 

George: yeah, i know…..but this time, i’m going back out and getting some fish! lots o’ fish!

 

Fish Master: grr……you better! or i’ll be using you as bait!

 

(later at the bar…)

 

Dick: hey, Honey, lets go have sex upstairs and come back later!

 

Honey: alright!

 

(they go upstairs)

(next day…downstairs)

 

Dick: hey, george whats happening?

 

George: do you, fat head, toughy and jumpy wanna go on a fishing trip of our lives?

 

Dick: HELL YEAH! Lets go!

 

Honey: dont go!

 

Dick: forget you!

 

Honey: blah blah blah

 

Dick: yadda yadda yadda! i’m going, u cant make me not go

 

Honey: fine, go kill urself

 

(in a lab somewhere in the middle of Arizona)

 

scientist guy: whoa! look at that storm thingy off the coast of Massachusetts!

 

assisstant: oh, wow, thats neat….

 

scientest guy: you could be a meteorologist your whole life and never see anything like this…

 

assisstant: but…you already saw it….

 

scientist guy: …….oh yeah…..this should be called……….The “Poyfect” Storm!

 

(poyfect storm echoes)

(meanwhile, on the boat)

 

George: ooh! we have a quarter of a million dollars worth of fish! oh, look a storm! lets go into the middle of the 3 storms i see there and risk our lives to get the fish home in time!

 

fat head: uhh……

 

George: LETS GO!

 

(later)

 

jumpy: ack! water!

 

toughy: bah! this is noth- ::dies::

 

fat head: barrellss!!!!!

 

Dick: pirates!!

 

George: ICE CREAM!

 

jumpy: chocolate syrup!

 

(jumpy squirts some chocolate syrup on everyones ice cream)

(jumpy jumps over the side)

 

jumpy: gotta save the dead fish!

 

fat head: the fish are below deck!

 

jumpy: ……uh oh…..::dies::

 

George: Oh well! I’m the main star! i cant get killed!

 

terroist: hahahah! i rigged the ship and it is set to blow! you’re all gonna die!

 

fat head: oh no!!!! save the fish!

 

(fat head tosses some fish over the side)

 

Dick: nooooo! what are you doing?!?

 

fat head: ….saving the fish….::tosses another one over:: goooo! save yourself!!

 

(a shark pops up and eats the fish)

 

fat head: gulp! there are sharks here!

 

(Dick pushes fat head over the side and fat head gets eaten)

(a pirate appears at the top of the mast on the ship)

 

pirate: water, ho!

 

George: WATER!?! more water?!?

 

(George runs around in circles flailing his arms everywhere)

 

terrorist: ACK! i’m allergic to water!

 

(a tidal wave comes and makes the terrorist fly in the air and plop into the water, screaming, and dies)

(Dick stands on his head)

 

Pirate: nooo!! ::jabs himself with his sword and falls over into the water::

 

George: hmm……

 

(George looks around and shrugs)

 

George: poof!

 

(end)

 

 

 

CREDITS:

 

all the guys that died were extras and we dont care about him

 

george: george clooney

 

Dick: norm mcdonald

 

fat head: roseanne

 

jumpy: Mr. Kangaroo Trainer at the LA Zoo

 

toughy: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Squackle Broadcasting Company, Films

The G8 Summit Meeting: The Truth Behind the Closed Doors

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In case you forogt, this is the “Group of 8” Meetings that happened a while ago.

———————————–

First, lets talk about how much George W. Bush sucks at being president. My pinky could run the U.S. better than that prick! At least my pinky never touched cocaine………or so I think….. and HE’S GONNA PUT US INTO WW3 because of his fuckin ballistic missile shit! We should launch HIM into the air and blow HIM up like a ballistic missile! That’s the only goodness we’d get out of that system! Here’s a little reenactment of Bush. Sr. talking to his son about the Ballistic Missiles:

 

Bush, Sr.: “Bush, Jr. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!”

 

Bush, Jr.: “I’m….getting ready for Desert Storm!”

 

Bush, Sr.: “You stupid idiot!!!! ::smacks him in the balls::”

 

Bush, Jr.: “Not my sack daddy, please stop smacking them around”

 

Bush, Sr.: “I TOLD you that i won that war a long time ago! Haven’t you seen that fancy pancy movie Three Kings?”

 

Bush, Jr.: “Ballistic missiles are fun to watch blow up Russia with! even though i had gay sex with the leader of Russia- ooooopss!”

 

Mrs. Bush, Jr.: “George! how DARE you! and without ME! I told you to not do anything sexual with any of the foreign leaders unless i was with you!”

 

Anyway. onto the G8 Summit…These are random things that could have happened during the meetings….

 

(Bush, Jr. plays with 2 missiles, making them fly in the air, and then have them crash into each other, throwing the pieces at the members of the G8 Summit committee)

 

Bush, Jr.: “…and so ends my explanation on the Ballistic Missiles”

 

(end)

 

Bush, Jr.: ::nudges the President of France next to him:: hey, sugar….wanna come back to my place?

 

President of France: ::bites Bush’s shoulder::

 

Bush, Jr.: AHHH! SON OF A BITCHHH

 

(end)

 

::Leader of Japan is talking about how Pokémon is good for the heart and soul, when….

 

A WHOLE GROUP OF MALE WHORES COME IN!!::

 

Bush, Jr.: ah! they’re finally here!

 

(end)

 

Bush, Jr.: AUHH! I’M A STUPID FACE POO MOM

 

(end)