A father gave his eighteen-year-old son this advice: “Remember, son, stay out of bars. If you go into a saloon, the devil goes with you.”
The son replied, “On what you give me for allowance, he’ll have to buy his own.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12022
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
Joke #12021
I’m not on speaking terms with my mother-in-law, and I wish she’d follow my example.
Joke #12020
I wouldn’t object to my wife having the last word. But wouldn’t you think she’d get to it after fifteen years?
Joke #12019
My wife gives me twenty-four-hour lip service. Her mouth is never closed.
Joke #12018
I’m so henpecked, my wife won’t even let me talk in my sleep.
Joke #12017
My husband is so cheap! I asked him to buy me an air conditioner to keep cool and what does he get me? A book of horror stories. He told me if I feel warm, to read them and they’ll make my blood run cold.
That’s nothing. My husband is such a miser that when he takes a dollar out of his wallet, the moths fly out!
Joke #12016
“Doctor, you have to help me. I just can’t remember anything anymore.”
“How long have you had this?”
“Had what?”
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
You Know Your Marriage Is on the Rocks If…
– You say to your mate, “I love you,” and you get a reply of, “So do I.”
– You don’t bother to wear your wedding band because it turns your finger green.
– Your husband celebrates your anniversary by going out with the boys.
– You’d rather play bridge with the girls than spend a quiet night at home with your husband.
– You go to the drive-in with your mate and spend two hours just watching the movie.
Joke #12014
Love does not go on forever. Neither does marriage. However, marriage usually goes on longer than love.
Joke #12013
My wife is out of this world. First she wanted separate baths, then separate bedrooms Now she wants separate houses.
Joke #12012
My parents never liked me when I was a child. On the 4th of July, other kids got firecrackers to shoot off. My parents gave me dynamite.
Joke #12011
Did you hear about the Irish psychiatrist who uses a Murphy bed instead of a couch?
Joke #12010
DENTIST: “I’m going to put a cap on that tooth, Mr. Hennerson.”
MR. HENNERSON: “At these prices, you’d better make it a hat!”
Joke #12009
Did you hear about the really rich tree surgeon who had six branch offices?