THINGS THAT DRIVE WOMEN CRAZY: You spend your hard-earned money on expensive perfume to impress your boyfriend, and he shows up for your big date with a head cold and a clogged-up nose.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12485
Here’s some advice for would-be playboys: “To date a bunny, you have to have plenty of lettuce.”
Joke #12484
JAKE: “Moe, if you loan me five thousand dollars, I’ll be everlastingly indebted to you.”
MOE: “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
No Normal Person Can…
We all have different talents and do different things in different ways. But here are something NO normal person can do.
– No normal person can eat raw carrots quietly.
– No normal person can give directions without using his hands.
– No normal person can walk past a mirror without glancing in it.
– No normal person can watch another person yawn three times without yawning himself.
Joke #12482
Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. The other day I asked my boss, “What’s the first thing you would do if someone gave you a million dollars?”
And you know what the boss replied? “I’d count it to make sure it was all there.”
Joke #12481
Did you hear about the man who owned a china shop and complained continually because he got all of the breaks?
big ego
big ego – n. a complex in which one doesn’t take praise as a compliment. They take it as the gospel truth.
Joke #12479
Did you hear about the drip who had his brain waves measured and they didn’t amount to a puddle?
Joke #12478
Q: What’s the difference between an eleven-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old girl?
A: A five-dollar difference in your phone bill.
Joke #12477
A word to the wise: People with the last name of Train should never nickname any of their children “Choo Choo.”
Joke #12476
Of course you’ve heard of the Hollywood starlet who’s had so much plastic surgery that if she gets too close to an open flame she melts.
Joke #12475
After having long hair and a beard and mustache for several years, a hippie shaved his face clean and got a crewcut. When asked why he did it, the hippie replied, “I forgot what I looked like and wanted to refresh my memory.”
Joke #12474
Just once, I’d like to meet an honest man who responds to a question about his marital status by saying, “I’ve been an unhappily married man for ten years.”
Joke #12473
PAPER BOY: “There’s a guy on my route who has sixty-two different daily newspaper delivered to his place every day.”
GIRL: “Wow. He must be a well-read intellectual.”
PAPER BOY: “Nope. He owns a pet store.”
Joke #12472
Ban government-operated dry cleaning shops. Let Americans have freedom of the press!