I went to a laboratory and asked them to make a clone of me because as a bachelor I’m an endangered species. They refused because they wanted to keep it that way.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13024
No one treats me like a human being. Last month the National Wildlife Commissioner named me a bounty animal.
Joke #13023
I’m not appreciated. My birthday is listed in the Farmer’s Almanac under the ten worst disasters in history.
Joke #13022
As a child, every time I went to a party they’d make me play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Afterwards, I couldn’t sit for a week.
Joke #13021
You know you’re getting old when all the numbers in your little black book belong to doctors.
Joke #13020
The hotel I stayed in during my vacation was a tourist trap. Nothing was free. I even had to rent a pen to sign the register.
Joke #13019
Last summer was so hot, I actually didn’t mind getting icy stares from strangers.
Joke #13018
Bus and taxi drivers have this uncanny knack for knowing when people are late for work. That’s why they pass them by every time.
Joke #13017
I thought about visiting Japan on vacation this year. But when summer rolled around, I found I just didn’t have the yen to make the trip.
Joke #13016
Midgets are the only people who don’t mind being in debt up to their ears.
Joke #13015
The only time I’m positive there aren’t two sides to every argument is when I’m in one.
You Have Bad Luck If…
How can you tell if you’re one of life’s losers? …You don’t have any luck at all if:
– When you put a coin in the soda machine, you get your soda before the cup drops into place.
– You find a ten-dollar bill and get arrested when you try to spend it because it’s counterfeit.
– You get your big break and make the football team only to trip over the bench and break your leg.
– You start to go bald at the same time you reach puberty.
– The guarantee on your used car expires two hours before the car’s engine does.
Joke #13013
“I’m so poor,” the old gentleman said with a sigh, “That my hearing aid on a party line.”
Joke #13012
A woman on a local bus was making a real pest of herself by asking the driver every few minutes, “Have we come to Walnut Drive yet?” After twenty minutes, she finally said, “Tell me, how will I know when we get to Walnut Drive?”
The driver turned to her and answered, “By the big smile on my face, lady!”
Joke #13011
TEACHER: “What were General Custer’s last words?”
STUDENT: “Gee! What happened? They seemed so friendly at the dance.”