I’m so wishy-washy that when I go to a hamburger joint and order a whopper, I’ll have it any way they want to make it.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13070
Our car engine coughed and sputtered a lot. My son, the whiz kid, tried to fix it by filling the radiator with cough medicine.
Joke #13068
MR. CHEAP: “How much does a cup of coffee cost?”
WAITER: “30 cents.”
MR. CHEAP: “How much for a refill?”
WAITER: “A refill is free.”
MR. CHEAP: “Great! I’ll have a refill.”
Joke #13067
What kind of luck do I have? Yesterday I found a ten-dollar bill in the middle of the street. And when I bent over to pick it up, I got hit by a truck.
Joke #13066
You can’t win. If prosperity doesn’t go to your head, it goes to your stomach.
Joke #13065
I went to the butcher’s the other day and asked him what he could show me for a dollar… And he stuck his tongue out at me.
Joke #13064
BARBER: “How do you want your hair cut?”
MAN: “In silence!”
Joke #13063
At a perfume counter of a department store, a man said to a woman clerk, “It’s for my wife — do you have any perfume that smells like money?”
Joke #13062
I’m so out of shape, I have to take vitamins in order to keep breathing.
Joke #13061
If I were a flower, I bet even the bees would ignore me.
Joke #13060
People who fall in love with the taste of success usually end up with very fat heads.
Joke #13059
With luck like mine, if I were on the road to success, I’d probably end up totaling my car.
Joke #13058
I’ve been stepped on more times than a crack in the sidewalk.
Joke #13057
Once I said to a rough-looking guy at the bar, “Anything you can do I can do better.”
He jumped up and said, “Okay, top this!” And he punched me in the mouth and knocked out two teeth.
Slowly, I got up and brushed myself off. Making a fist, I walked over to him to prove my point. “Okay,” I said, “Now it’s my turn.” Wham! I punched myself in the mouth and knocked out three teeth.
Joke #13056
I guess I’m just a follower. Some guys belong to the Elks. Some guys belong to the Lions. Me? I belong to the Loyal Order of Lemmings.