A recent consumer report claims that a careful shopper can eat like a horse for about ten dollars a month. But my guess is that if you want to eat like a human being, the bill will be closer to one hundred dollars a week.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13283
PATIENT: “Doctor, I have a bad liver. What should I do about it?”
DOCTOR: “Take it back to the butcher.”
Joke #13282
A kid runs into his house and says to his mother, “Can I have a quarter for a man who’s outside crying?”
The mother asks, “What is he crying?”
The youngster answers, “‘Ice cream, 25 cents!'”
Joke #13281
Inflation must be hurting everybody. Last week I cashed my income tax refund and the check bounced.
Joke #13280
The Red Sea is so thick with pollution these days that if Moses were alive, now he could part it with a comb.
Joke #13279
Water is so polluted these days that yesterday I saw a fish making a nest in a tree to lay its eggs.
Joke #13278
If Detroit had manufactured the Apollo space capsules, man would have never reached the moon. The capsule would have been recalled halfway to its destination.
Joke #13277
ONE OF LIFE’S IRONIES: Did you ever notice that postmen always seem to collect mail ten minutes before the collection times listed on the mail boxes?
Joke #13276
CROOK (in restaurant): “Give me all your tens, tewenties, and ones. And that order is to go.”
DUMB CASHIER: “Yes, sir. And would you like a doggie bag for the change?”
Joke #13275
ZACK: “Do plumbers have fantasies?”
MACK: “Of course. Haven’t you ever heard of pipe dreams?”
Joke #13274
SAILOR: “I don’t think our captain lives by the code of the sea.”
MATE: “What makes you say that?”
SAILOR: “Well on our last voyage, our ship began to sink and he yelled to the crew, ‘Don’t give up the ship!'”
MATE: “What’s wrong with that?”
SAILOR: “He yelled it as he was diving over the side.”
Joke #13273
HARRY: “My mother won a saucepan playing bingo.”
LARRY: “Now that’s what I call pot luck.”
Joke #13272
RON: “Did you hear about the scientist who tried to invent fly paper and couldn’t find the right formula?”
DON: “Did he give up?”
RON: “No, he stuck to it.”
Joke #13271
Q: What’s the easiest way to charge a bill?
A: Tell William to wet his finger and stick it in a wall socket.
Joke #13270
Q: How do telephones get married?
A: They just give each other a ring.