Cashier Lesson – A Lesson In Sound Physics

This entry is part 6 of 6 in the series Cashier Lessons

A college convenience store is a magical place.  So magical, in fact, that proper physics do not take place!  Hence the word, “Magical.”  It is magical in ways that you can only experience as it happens.  Not through traditional scientific method, rather through make believe.  One of the major dictators of physics within your convenience store is the old lady who complains about noise coming from your convenience store.  For the sake of this article, we will call her Pamela.  Ms. Pamela runs the building your convenience store is located in, and within this building is the little world she has created.  Your convenience store is part of this creation, as your employer has rented a space from this lady and put you to work behind the counter.

One aspect of this magical building is the bending of physics of sound.

Ms. Pamela’s intentions are questionable.  Whether she is truly a human within a rotting sack of flesh or an alien in an unconvincing human costume.  Anyway, that’s for later.  The point of this lesson is about Sound.  And boy does it ever make no sense.

If you ever have the radio/music on while in your convenience store while Ms. Pamela is in the building, she will always come and tell you to turn it down — no matter what volume it is.  She claims that the sound waves from “the radio,” which is pointing toward the trash can, is actually bouncing up into the air ducts, through the elevator shaft and into the study room (that is about 30-40 feet away from your convenience store) in enough amplitude that it is possible to hear it!  Not only is this clearly bullshit, but simply impossible.  On many occasions, the radio is nowhere near as loud as the refrigerators and slushy machines that are inside the convenience store!

Because she rules the building with an iron fist and we rent the place from her, she wants to always feel like she’s in control of everything that is going on.  That imperialistic, alien, sound adept masterbitch.

 

Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”

This entry is part 7 of 37 in the series The Squacklecast

This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends.  They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.

Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings.  Gross!

Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste.  It’s almost like a boring wedding video.

This is the knife that the soccer coach had.

Cool Knife

Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact?  It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies.  If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.

Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years

Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years

I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years

Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers.  They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.

Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.

Independence Day 2 or even 3?  Welcome to URF again in 10 years!

 

Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks.  How do you like that, mother fuckers!?  Aliens getting shit on all the time!

Kind of sounds like Avatar

Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean.  Or something.  You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.

On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.

AVP and AVP 2 are no bueno.

Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible.  You should watch it.  It was directed by that guy that did Fame.

Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time.  That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.

Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay.  And obviously not as good looking.

Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties.  But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.

The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.

George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.

Kind of something like this:

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

 

And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!

Did you hear they banned plastic bags in LA?  Fuck that shit!  How am I supposed to line my little trash cans?

Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.

The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there.  No one freakin lives there anyway.  So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.

Gobi Plastic Desert

See you guys next week! :licky:

 

Joke #12849

A drunk stumbled out of a bar, bumped into a telephone pole, knocked into a trash can, and then fell flat on the sidewalk right in front of an uppity old spinster.

“Sir,” scolded the woman coldly, “if I were in your condition, I’d shoot myself.”

“Lady,” stammered the man, “if you were in my condition, you’d miss.”

 

Joke #12416

A man came home one night and found his house locked up tight.  He searched his pockets, but couldn’t find his house key.

After trying all the first-floor windows, he finally climbed up on a garbage can and in through a second-story window.  he turned on the lights and found a note from his wife on a table: “Dear, I have gone to the store.  you will find the key under the mat.”