Select up to four answers. Please select between the 2 options denoted by an “A” or “B” for each number.
sangran – n. a beverage which is made by mixing champagne, orange juice, and piss.
We have a guest this week! It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week. We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.
Did you have a half naked wannabe Hulk running around during your visit to the theater during The Avengers? Did he look as bad as this guy who used industrial paint and had to take 20 baths in two days to try to get it off?
In honor of the Zombie Apocalypse, AMC is starting a new show called…
Zombie Apocalypse 2012:
Get off my computer, Jamie Oliver. You’re not a chemist. You’re just an asshole.
Silly Jaime Oliver, we shouldn’t be throwing away perfectly edible food. We should at least ship it off to Africa!
McDonalds used to be a value. Now they try to sell you everything in bulk so that there is the same perceived value as what was once known as the Dollar Menu.
Only 20 bucks!
Rihanna looks dumb. Please remove her from my music and movies.
Carly Rae Jepsen? Who stepped in what? Yet another terrible song for your listening pleasure:
The Sky Is The Limit must be gay code for anal sex. So is “funnel cake.”
#1 – Piss
#2 – Poo
#3 – Poop and Pee at the same time.
#4 – Poo, Pee, and a Yak (a barf). Mostly done by bulimics and people who don’t feel very good.
#5 – Opening up your intestine and chopping up parts and throwing it at police (Zombies gotta poop somehow)
The newer Dawn of the Dead introduced running zombies. Is it really that much weirder than the idea of zombies in the first place?
[Rec] was a “demonic infestation” sort of zombie thing rather than a virus or reanimated corpses due to magic/radiation. By the way, that was a spoiler.
Want to hire screamers with 13 dB yells or higher to make movies seem more scary than they are. Apply at the offices of William Castle.
The real #5 – Peeing inside someone. A whole #1, while penetrating them.
#6 – Same thing as #5 but taking a shit on them instead.
#7 – Forced ejaculation
#8 – Vegetables in orifices, coming out.
The #1 (pun intended) defense against Zombies is making a house out of sugary treats.
#9 – You don’t even need a can opener. You just peel it back and drop that shit in, then you turn it to medium heat and stir it.
#10 – Strawberry sauce/Period Juice on your Hot Dog.
#11 – “Painting the porta potty.” The paintbrush is your dick and the porta potty is a person’s ass.
X Squared – all of the above
Boy that was a great one, huh, guys? Who knows what’s going to happen next week!
“The chef pissed the recipe and then shit the dessert”
Tagged People: davepoobond
dysuria – n. painful or difficult urination, often caused by a sexually transmitted disease.
kevmeister01: i like 2 POOP
kevmeister01: it keeps u regular
xoSuPa CaNdYox: o reely
kevmeister01: its a fact
xoSuPa CaNdYox: mmhmmm
xoSuPa CaNdYox: yah im shur lol
xoSuPa CaNdYox: >.<
kevmeister01: peeing is pretty good 2 but its better when u pee in a bush
xoSuPa CaNdYox: no toilitz bettr
xoSuPa CaNdYox: cuz u cn whip ur ass on toilit paper
kevmeister01: no cuz if u pee in a bush u might hit a homeless person
xoSuPa CaNdYox: soO when u pee in a toilit u pee on fishez
WhiteBoi3313: ya but pissin while drun if fun 2 caz u pee on ppl
xoSuPa CaNdYox: n besidez mr.toilit man luvz doodoo n peepee
kevmeister01: i like 2 pee on drunk ppl
xoSuPa CaNdYox: datz not fair cuz i cnt pee on no1
kevmeister01: ya u can
xoSuPa CaNdYox: no i cnt
kevmeister01: u just need 2 work on ur aim i can help
xoSuPa CaNdYox: lol wth
xoSuPa CaNdYox: u jus wna play w/ me
xoSuPa CaNdYox: lol
WhiteBoi3313: no u squat on
WhiteBoi3313: their foot
WhiteBoi3313: or leg
kevmeister01: or their face
xoSuPa CaNdYox: lol
WhiteBoi3313: ya thtl be funny with their tounge out befo they lik u u take a piss
kevmeister01: i go for the mouth all the time every time
WhiteBoi3313: me cat is stupid
kevmeister01: thats good
WhiteBoi3313: i moving me hand around and its following it wiht it head its funny
kevmeister01: … quite
“You told me that kitties peepee in the sand!”
Tagged People: davepoobond
Peesplosion Virus – n. a virus from Vietnam that forces you to keep your insides full of piss until you can’t hold anymore and then you explode.
This one was filled in by davepoobond:
It will be unlawful to own a pervert or carry a concealed pervert without a pervert license. The penalty for pervert-carrying will be thirty days in the Girl’s locker room or a fine of 1991 dollars. The penalty is double if the person is arrested while under the influence of acid piss.
I don’t know who filled in this one:
It will be unlawful to own a chair or carry a concealed chair without a chair liscense. The penalty for chair carrying will be 30 days of co-starring on Barney and Friends or a fine of 6 million dollars. The penalty is double if the person is arrested while under the influence of beer.
Things were different when I went to school. First of all, we didn’t have any jugs to do our math for us. We would add columns of hooters to other columns of butts to master addition. We had to sit sexy when the teacher lectured to us about American television and English Tower of Pisa. Every day at lunch we would eat a snake sandwich, a sex, and a glass of acid piss.
In science lab, we dissected a stoner man and saw its bologna and warhead. Some people got sick and did it when we did this. Sometimes we would have a bathroom show. Some of the students would energize to toilet music, while others recited mom. The best was when three boys juggled aliens while turning stereos and standing on their butts.
This is the soliloquy from the play “Hamlet,” written by Pamela Anderson. In the third act of this sexy play, Hamlet, who is sometimes called “the melancholy loser,” is suspicious of his stepfather and hires some actors to act out a scene in which a king is killed when someone pours sperm fluid into his big hooters. First, however, he declaims: To be or not to be: That is the it: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the nachos and butts of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of its, and by opposing end them. To die; to sleep; no more; and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural pees that flesh is heir to, ’tis consummation devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sex; to moving: perchance to farting: Ay, there’s this toenail.
Rachel has just written a book called Heil in the Freaky Jugs. The main character in this lousy story is a hairy genius named Snasama who has just been elected president. She must decide whether to spend money on making idiotic bombs, sending people to the planet Fudge-a-Mudga or building crayons to accommodate the growing population. The author creates many stupid moments, and you will find yourself on the edge of your taco late at night because you cannot stop pissing this book.
Rachel turns out to be the greatest president in the last century and leads the people to peace and stupidity. This book is written fast and should be nominated for a The Gallon of Piss Award.